My good days are fleeting.
My bad days last forever….

all i want this minute is to kill myself.  and it is taking over everything.  sorry for this pointless post.  i’m absolutely screaming inside.

I’m really tired. I don’t know why I’m still here. I want to be erased, not dead. I want the memory of myself forgotten, not just lost. I know I don’t deserve this. I’ve wasted so much in life with sex and secrets. I want to go back and change those. But could I? Fucking no.

I think I should overdose myself with those sleeping pills, it’s an appealing idea, especially now.

I just wish my friends could understand what I’m feeling.

I feel so lonely all the time.

I want a friend who will be there all the time. And we can talk about anything, not just me being depressed or my problems, but also just what ever comes up. Or maybe somebody could watch a movie with me instead of me doing everything by myself.
Why do I feel so lonely?

So I’m back where I started.  My friend is on her way back to Maryland and I have a sharp piece of broken glass in my pocket.  I feel like going to the store and buying pills and pencil sharpeners I can unscrew and use as razor blades.  I am seeing my doctor tomorrow though.  I haaaaveee to finish this semester or else I would just check myself into the hospital because honestly I don’t know how else to get myself safe.  But whatever.  Blood it is.  I have so little fight in me anymore, I am just totally resigned.  Maybe I will go to […]

I have happy moments. Immensely happy moments. However, at the back of my mind there’s always that darkness there. It’s like I’ll be doing something great and fun and I’ll be feeling great, then I suddenly think to myself about whether I’m still desperate to disappear. The answer’s always ‘Yes’. That scares me. When I’m having a darker day, things feel worse, but it bothers me that even on my better days, I’d still rather be elsewhere.

I want to go back to when I never questioned my existence.

I want to laugh today without considering the tears of tomorrow.

I want to have good days unquestionably.

I want […]

a member of my family tole me that he hates me and ive been nothing but trouble and he was deadly serious. What do i do?

I dont understand why I can never let myself succeed. Why do I always have to sabotage everything for myself? Why cant I ever behave like a normal person? Why do I always fucking ruin everything, and why cant the voices in my head ever shut the fuck up.

I want to call my psychiatrist tomorrow for a new appointment. Havent been there in three months. But I don’t want to call her. She always keeps going about the weed and she said I need rehab first before we could solve my other problems, because I’m too dependant on the weed. I DONT want to quit […]

My first counseling appointment is tomorrow morning..any ideas on what the doctor will do? Like, what kind of questions she’ll ask me?..

Found out I have manic depression and I am a bit schizophrenic… Kinda all makes sense now.. Tho idk if I tell ppl they might call me “crazy” or a “freak” and that hurts.. It’s not my fault I have these. If it was my choice I wouldn’t be posting this becuz non of the would be true…

-Morgan….RawrImaTurtle….

I am not the victim. I am the victimizer.

Please forgive me.

 Where are my guardian angels? Where is the help that I beg them for?

You werent supposed to leave me! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! I need you most right now and youre leaving. Its all over. The passed three months were for nothing. We spent countless hours battling other peoples opinions of us still talking and we made plans for the future and we were supposed to go through this together. It isnt fair for me to have to take this on alone while youre free hitting on other girls. I know we werent really “a thing” but i mean come on.. after everything we did, everything we’ve gone through, its that easy for you to […]

I see all the mistakes Ive made and I wish I could erase them from my mind.  Im so ashamed of myself, and

people just wont let me forget and I keep committing the same dumb mistakes; I must be crazy;  I have to kill myself—I dont see any other way to get away from this shame and misery.    And there’s more to com…..somebody help me please

I’ve done some rotten things, taken the wrong road, stolen when I didnt have to, I miss my family, i feel so alone, I have no job and the prospects aren’t there…Im 58 years old, with no money or family, I’m giving up,,,,,

My new contact information is above. This is the information you should give to law enforcement and your lawyer.

Terror was the word I used to describe my feeling of believing that you would soon be moving on from me. Terror was the word you used to describe your fear of me after I lost control of myself and tried to kill myself after sending you text message after message apologizing or stating why I thought I should die or why I thought you didn’t want to be with me(the reasons you gave were just so very untrue about myself and I thought there was no […]

So I actually woke up today not immediately thinking of suicide. Thats a first! I wanted to try focussing on studying.

Then I got a reminder.  Dont forget: everybody hates you. Thanks Facebook. I should understand why though, since I despise myself.. But I actually dont. I know I´m a horrible person, but I always try to be nice to people, Im always willing to help people, I really always try to do my best.

The problem is me though. It has always been me. I never really had friends. Girls only wanted to hang out with me I guess so they looked good compared to the […]

Did you guys ever have that one person you always thought would be there for you? Like a lover or relative. Well mine was my best friend. He held me for half an hour while I soaked his shoulder in tears when I told him about my cutting. Hes promised me the world and a bright future. His names Jacob. See, Jacob and I, we have been through a lot in the last few months but somehow we always found our way back to eachother. The last fight we got into, when i told him never to talk to me again, he said “fine. but […]

Let’s recap, shall we?

I’m absolutely in love with my cousin. She’s giving me the chance to perform oral sex on her. And yes she is my blood relative. I am a sick fuck. I looked on the internet and found other sick fucks out there mostly in eastern United States like Alabama.

I have fallen for one Alabama girl named Bethany of whom I haven’t met, but she is everything I dream of and more. She wants me to meet her as do I.

My cousin cares about me, but I don’t know why she would let me perform cunninglus on her. That seems bad since […]

I’m trying so hard for them. I’m trying so hard to make it through this, but there’s no reason to stay and every reason to go. The realization that no one gives a damn has struck hard this week, but then again how the hell can I expect someone else to love and care for me when I am such a horrible person. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to suffer.

Three more weeks, that’s it. Then it’ll all be over. Three more weeks of happy faces, and subtle goodbyes, then, I’m done. I didn’t realize that one could fuck so much shit up in […]

How many nights do I dream of suicide?

As many mornings as I awake wishing I’d actually died.

How many scars have you cut into my arm?

As many promises you’ve made protecting me from harm.

How many of my thoughts are bitter and hateful?

As many of your words accuse me of being ungrateful.

How many breakdowns have I suffered since last spring?

As many lonely hours were spent just remembering.

How many tissues have I gone through recently?

As many working eyes there are that aren’t blind but don’t see.

How many tears shed feel so alone?

As many times as eleven has stolen my phone.

How many days do I dream of ending it […]