I attempted suicide by sleeping pills a few years ago. I vomited them up, and remained sick for several days thereafter.
I hate the fact that I’m a suicide survivor. I wish it would have worked.
I feel like I’m being ripped apart inside every single second that I’m breathing.
It’s been like this for months…
I’m tired and frustrated. With my crummy life, my crummy broken body, and with chronically bad shit always happening to me. I’m tired of it all.
Why wasn’t I instantly killed during the car accident? Having to slowly suffer every single fucking ache and pain and complication like not being able to breathe, not being able to walk properly, losing feeling in my arms or legs, or even holding a pen in my hand without my whole arm shaking, is a fate worse than death.
And it gets worse every year. Wtf am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to live a decent life not […]
I hope when Im dead, my mom, brothers, friends, family, read all these post. They don’t know I’m suicidal, not the slightest clue. When they find me dead I hope they read these post, maybe then they’ll start to care about me… I hate crying, I can’t wait to huff this can of hairspray, feel my body go numb. Maybe it’ll stop my heart or something, or at least it’s supposed to. But no, I’ll wake up tommorow with a massive headache and put my days on repeat, how much longer?
So after much (or not) thought, I’ve decided to just go through with it. I’m going to eat my 50 monkshood seeds and see where I go. It seems this is the only viable option now. It’s either that or the 350 nightshade seeds, but Erowid turned me off from the nightshade since it seems to trip you up instead of actually killing you. I’m shaking with fear at the thought of the pain to be honest. All accounts I’ve read from poison plants have been extremely painful, so I’m worried that I might end up screaming, which might alert my neighbours, so I’ma do […]
For some reason I feel I have to constantly punish myself for every mistake I make but am so unrelentingly harsh on myself everyone notices it, and sometimes ask why? I’ve always felt like I’m a total waste of space and often look at people around my age, 39, or younger who are successful and feel really threatened… and I think, what’s wrong with me? I mean I’m not exactly uneducated, unintelligent or untalented yet I feel like I’m such an utter loser and total failure in life I wanna hide forever. That I’m a fucked up, no hoping basket case! I used to have a […]
Consistent with my usual run of luck, I was laying out my gas-bag stuff and dropped my regulator/flow gauge and snapped off and broke my flow gauge. Since you cannot do the job correctly without it, now I have to go out hunting for one on Saturday. More frigging expense out of money I don’t have.
If it was not for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. :)Â <deep breath>
DR
I have been irritated off and on like a bipolar fuck, no patience in the world mainly because my dad’s too much of a tight ass to let me spend one fucking day with my cousins because their mom is never home yet my other aunts and uncle live there too but no getting through that moron unless another adult tells him that. He told me he needed me to earn his trust again after one of my cousins snitched on me and Alex about smoking weed, apparently together yet we never did. I cant believe this shit. I am angry as fuck and just […]
My dad hit my mom. My mom cried. My dad freaked out. My brother cried. My dad tried to get someone to call 911. No one would do it. My mom cried. Blood was everywhere. I watched. I tried to walk away but couldn’t. I watched unfazed by it. I watched expressionless. Then I started cleaning up the blood. Does this mean I don’t care? Or am I just use to it? I don’t know….
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m down to the bottom again. Even though I’m surrounded by tons of people everyday, I feel more alone now than ever. I was raped when I was little. And since then I’ve been having nightmares. But lately the nightmares have gotten so bad that I can’t sleep but when I finally do cry myself to sleep, I just wake up crying everytime. So I started to cut and burn. I still do sometimes. It’s the only thing that helps anymore. Sometimes I just cut to see how much blood will come out or I wonder which spot […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=lwSKCZJxLXg
🙂
We are so busy watching out for what’s ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.
My Story,
All my lyfe ive been compared, contrasted, and told i never tried my best. Im a sophomore in high school and this year especially, ive been having many thought about suicide. I have strict asian parents who dont take anything but a’s. I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders and when i told my parents ive wanted to something else besides a doctor or do another major than pre-med, they would get mad or tell me im stupid. Ive wanted to chase after my dreams as a musician and an artist. My parents never accepts the idea no matter how many time […]
Been awhile since i posted it here. Mind as well share something for everyone
I would email you but I can’t send emials,not that I know anyway but yeah are you there?
Have not done it for years. Was chopping up some vegetables or my salsa and tried to toss the knife up in a spin and catch it. Needless to say it bit into my hand. But the pain felt good. And the temptation was there. Just like it was when I was younger. After the incidents… made me feel worthless. But the exact things are shadowed…. mental block. Probably for survival because it may make things worse if I recalled it. I know it was when I was a kid though.
The knife just sitting there. Gleaming carbon steel shining like Polaris. Sharp thin edge like […]
Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits.
The rebels.
The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent. They imagine. […]
If I die young – The Band Perry
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh, uh oh
Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh well
Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time
If I die young, bury me in […]
I wanted to try something to get more knowledge of what songs people might like to make them happy..they say classical music stimulates the babies brain so maybe if I listened to good music that makes you happy then we could be on the same page..that’s what friends are for right? I like leona Lewis, footprints in the sand & I like beyonce, I’m here. Now it’s your turn..what songs make you happy?