I can’t tell if it makes me feel better, or worse. Either way I want it gone and out of mind…. someone please help me

Truth, I’m here for a school project of my choice. Truth, I may have caused an attempted suicide and I fell for the friend who’s father shot himself on christmas…his life’s fucked up. Truth, I have nothing to complain about, I don’t get raped, I have two parents(stepdad but whatever) that love me and feed me and give me a roof over my head, I don’t live in a thrid world country, I’m going to get a higher education, and yet scary thoughts or thinking of lame relationships get me down…some memories or places trigger depression yet i havent been diagnosed…i guess i don’t need […]

Laying around the past few days trying to get over this sinus infection before I go, my thoughts have revolved around possible failure.  I do not fear success in killing myself but rather starting, and then waking up in a hospital bed with a breathing tube down my throat and my ankles and wrists in restraints.

That actually scares me since I have a terrible gag response to anything touching the back of my throat and even the thought of my arms being restrained would put me into claustrophobic panic.  They could tie my feet and legs but not my arms being pinned down, as that […]

1. Everybody Doesn’t Have to Love Me. 

Not everyone has to love me or even like me. I don’t necessarily like everybody I know, so why should everybody like me? I enjoy being liked and being loved, but if somebody doesn’t like me, I will still be okay and still feel like I am an okay person. I cannot make somebody like me, any more than someone can get me to like them. I don’t need approval all the time. If someone does not approve of me, I will still be okay.

2. It Is Okay to Make Mistakes.

Making mistakes is something we all do, and I am […]

I feel the darkness closing in…but I
like it! I find comfort in things others
fear. Have I only now realized I’m the
square peg trying to fit into that
round hole? I’ve participated in
“normal life”, but I always feel
out of place. This is something that
has been with me since I can
remember (I’ll be 31 on wed.) Always
nipping at my heals, but not taking a
full bite…until recently. I see a dark
room, lit only with the pale light of the
TV. Me laying on the couch in cold
silence. No one around…just me with
my ever racing thoughts…blood,
flesh […]

About 2 years ago then I would think about the possibility of commiting suicide it was something like this- if I ever feel bad enough to actually want this then instead of committing suicide I would run away and try to have a better life because if you’re planning on ending your life anyway then why not try to start it over instead? And if you fail and somebody finds you then you can always just go back to your original plan and do it. Now then I think about suicide I usually just ask myself if I’m very to do it, if I already […]

No one know or want to have my pain but yet they judge me calle weired,fat,nerd girl,the girl whi cuts and burn,the girl who wears all black,etc.but they dont know why im fat or why i cut or why im weired and yet they seem to judge me judge the way i look the way i act.but they never once took the time out to ask me why, never wanted to know my story never even knowing me,why must this world be so judgmental so cruel so mean and soo ugly not even caring about no ones feel what that does to that […]

Seriously, about anything and everything. Suicide related or not. I’ve actually had kind of a good day today… but now I’m really just crashing down into the dumps again (as per usualy, I suppose). I really just want to talk now. About myself or my own feelings orabout one of you and yours. Don’t care… just need a distraction.

I’m kind of new to this site, and not really sure if I can just start an open conversation like this… but… yeah… Just wanted to talk to someone.

Any takers?

~Ashley

Its been about a month from when i got out of the hosptil. I was doing so good. I was handling my stress wonderfully. Then sunddenly i asked my best guy frined if he liked a girl and if he kissed her or had sex with her that night. it was a joke. But he turned on me.. And yelled i tryed to appolgize but nothing will ever be the same. I know sit on the floor of my ice cold room asking for God to just kill me. Just end my life now. i started burning and cutting again. Theres know escape. Please someone […]

I am 60. I survived being hit by a bus on a freeway; broadsided by a construction truc, run over by a car and then falsely accused of numerous felonies for which were dismissed, but ruined my reputation, I lost my license to work as a counselor and live with a plea for “attempting” to do something which now I see makes no sense.  I was suffering from Graves disease, down to 88 pounds and alone.

Anyway, after investigation, it was found that this horrendous accusations were made by jealous women who needed money to break the joint tenancy on my home after my late tenant […]

I the my family I see no porpuse for them.they say that they will be there for ou no matter what but that’s just a big lie…my families the worst my moms a stupid whore who hates her kids but got herself pregnant again.she isn’t a real mother all se does is verbally abuse us,I swear I don’t even consider her as my mother jut because I can’t be related to her,I just won’t except it I’m the only one sane in my house.my mons says I just look Luke my father that’s why I’m different from my sisters but I don’t care my dada […]

Ok..my day was going good, until I walked into a restaurant and saw my ex husbands family. It shouldn’t bother me, knowing they were not the ones hurting me..but of course it still ruined my day. I know in my heart that ive loved all I can..tried the best I can so why can I not get over the feeling of betrayel and sadness. Ive worked all my life..never went on vacation unless I paid for it myself. Took my ex a few places..even out of the country but he never wanted to take his family anywhere..including mcdonalds. His girlfriend and him would keep me […]

WHY AM I SUCH A FAILURE?!!!
i took a total of 18 painkillers, 7 ALIVE, 5 midol, and like 10 other types of pills and im still here! i didnt even have to go to the damn hospital!!
everytime i fail it just makes me hate myself even more. it makes me cut deeper and longer, and not even tht works!
why does my dear lover Death elude me?! why does he not want me to join him in a world we can spend forever in? i would be doing the world a huge frippin favor if i left!….whats keeping me here….and why?

Hi,

 I’m looking for someone to talk to about depression and suical thoughts. I’m very compassionate, caring and supportive. I believe we all need someone to listen to us and to talk to about our miserable lives. I’m a good listener. No thanks to anyone religious, I’m not. No one bipoar because they have manic stages and no longer care about a depressed person. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. No one married with children because it will just remind me I have no family of my own. I’ve attempted suicide many times and, obviously, am a failure at that just like in all aspects of […]

So I ran away yesterday only to come back three hours later.I ran away because my sorry excuse for a dad or as I say “that quy”wanted to fuck my mom and wow when I heard him tryna qet some It brouqht some horrible memories as a child hearinq that.It really toke a huqe toll In my life.Oh and I was molested when I was little so whenever I qet intimite with a qirl the memories of beinq touched comes back and sometimes I can’t qo threw It and end up lookinq like a little ***** In the eyes of the qirls.To be honest,I’d rather had […]

Im still sane.
I told my cousin how I’m in love with her and that I think about her all the time, told her my dream where I ask her out which to me shows this love isn’t a horny attempt for a teenager to get laid with his hot cousin.

I believe sometimes that my love for her iss an ill attempt to find love again after being heartbroken by Nycolle. My love is real and not some incest bound love, because if she were anyone else i would fall for her either way. I wish to exchange a kiss so badly and hopefully […]

i cant do it anymore, no one around me knows how i feel inside, how shit i feel all the time, they pick on me for every smoke i have, but they dont know i cant stop, they try to get me to stay here, but i cant i have to leave, they dont know that im crying at night, or wearing long sleeves to cover my stupid dunken attention seeking release, im not sure how to be happy, or i ever have, i need help, but i dont know how to get it, i want to overdose, to be put in hospital, but i […]

Well, I’ve lost my mind. I don’t have a bad life, it’s the way i look. I’ve had to deal with blepharitis in my eyes, it doesn’t look appealing. my teeth arn’t great, but i get braces next month. But what’s really getting me down is my longer than average neck. it just looks so long and stupid and I just can’t take it. I hate the way i look, i hate the person I am.

I’m 16, i’m trying my best to work on my appearance so it doesn’t look as long. but, life is to hard. The only thing stopping me from killing myself […]

Was drunk out of my mind last night…it was another one of my cowardly acts to try and escape reality for a couple of hours.

But I can’t get away from the thought of suicide. In a drunken state I decided to open up to a really good friend, I just dumped everything on her. She is the only person that knows Im suicidal.

I feel so guilty for dumping all my problems on her. She doesn’t deserve it. I didn’t mean to make her cry. I didn’t mean to cry. why was I so heartless?

I’m so stupid!! I don’t want her to feel guilty when […]