Im Dammed if i do. I’m Dammed if i don’t.
As darkness look’s at me. For i walk in to the night.
For my soul can not be saved. As i walk in to the moon light. Forever my soul sleep.
It feel’s there is no escaping for me. The curse of the moon is with me. Darkness walk’s with me. The sun can’t shine down here. Where i’m at.
I was a philosophy major in college. I was really good at it. I thought it would help me see the big picture as I worked through life, and I wouldn’t get so bogged down in the little things. That was a silly thing to think. Humans are creatures capable of a great deal more than other organisms, but we are still organisms in an environment. We have to work to meet certain needs for ourselves. We are social animals. We need to feel loved and useful. No matter how well-trained you think your mind is, despair will always creep in if you don’t remember […]
Can You imagine, yesterday i saved 16 people, but today seems like nobody can help me. Feels like i give up. I have lots of money problems and i feel so weak and tired, that keeping alive just coz of people who loves me, even they cant help me.
Im in a bottom. No more power. Exhausted. Can’t fight. Can’t die. Can’t stand up. But also can’t give up.
Closing my eyes and going through it blinded.
Blinded to see the world, truth or dreams.
My religion also obliges me into this blindness. If i will fuck up everything here i will come back to this shit on next […]
A chance has presented itself
this maybe my last chance to say goodbye to the world
I haven’t been here long but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone since many people here have similar experiences with me
I guess I’ll opt out first 😀
See you guys when I see you again
I am alone, have plenty of opportunity, and am isolated enough where I could do it.  To be honest, I don’t know if that makes me a coward or not.  But I feel trapped and tired at the same time.
From an outsider’s pov, it seems like I’ve got everything going for me – studying in another country, top of the class, blah, blah, blah.  In reality, I have no one, no family or real friends.  My so-called parents just use me to play psychiatrist and pay their bills, even when I haven’t lived with them in over six years.  It didn’t ever matter that I […]
Quote from this thing i wrote about my beliefs on my computer:
‘Sometimes i’m wondering though, if this is all just an alien experiment and everyone else is in on it and i’m the only ‘human’ here. Maybe i created this world with my mind and it’s all in my head, maybe i’ll find out when i’m dead.’
Goodbye
Anyone get the hint?
This is partly my introduction and partly my confession. I don’t know to how many it will matter, but I never am able to talk about this in person so maybe it will be therapeutic to just write it up here. My life hasn’t been as tragic as some of the posts I have read. My family was never abusive. Excluding a year or two spent with a violent and belittling stepfather I grew up in pretty comfy surroundings. For most of my life I was able to maintain a few friends even if I had to kind of fake it. I’ve largely given up […]
They say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But what if your problem isn’t temporary? What if you have depression or an illness or whatever for years and it will never ever go away?
I’m tired. I’m 29 yrs old and I feel like I’m 90. So much effort…but for what? I “seem” to have everything, but I feel like I have nothing. I don’t understand why it was so important to my parents that I become “something.” Well, I am “something” now, but nobody is impressed. I spent most of my life busting my ass – to make “something” of myself. People are more impressed by those who have families and are stay at home mothers – not a “career girl.” My last boyfriend of 2 years canned me because I made twice his salary. Guys don’t want […]
Aldous Huxley once wrote that life is like a never-ending sentence of solitary confinement. Human beings, after all, are trapped. Trapped in our bodies, trapped in our minds, trapped behind words that don’t effectively express what we’re thinking or feeling. “No one,” Huxley wrote, “can ever really communicate anything to anyone.” Everything is wrong, and I can’t let anyone know. I’m trapped, and I’m scared, and I want to die.
It all started when I stopped believing in God.
I was raised in the church, came up through it, with a supportive family and good friends. I was never popular, but I was involved. I’ve read the […]
Beautiful but far away.∑>
So this time ive really done it. I got caught smoking weed in my dorm. Before everyone jumps on me, i really thought i could get away with it since i was the only damn person on my floor over break. My dad keeps saying that with all the other troubles in my life he would disown me if i fucking screwed up again. I spent almost 1400 dollars in 4 months on weed and was caught by my parents. Even though it was my money they were seriously disappointed. Now im getting kicked out of my dorm, getting bad grades, and was just about […]
Things are starting to get difficult in this house again. I finally reached it, happiness, a few months ago or even a year ago or so. Then this all happened. Who’s to blame really of these family problems? I’ve had my fair share, I suppose. I’m a bad daughter. Always have been. Is it wrong that when everything gets difficult for me, my urges of depression comes back? My dad was yelling, kicking, punching, slapping, yet all I could focus on was the pair of big purple scissors I always used to cut myself. This may sound sick to some of you. I really don’t […]
I doubt any of you read or remember my previous posts…it’s been awhile.So in short…just to recap…last yr i found myself a 40 yr old virgin who had never even been on a date and was convinced that i would die alone. All i wanted was to end my suffering…i was at my breaking point and just wanted my life to end.I felt i need to voice my feelings and since i didn’t have anyone to talk to i went online and found this website and so i told my story not thinking anything would come of it, just needed to get it off my […]
Dear Father,
I feel hopeless, helpless, worthless. I have jeopardized my life, and most likely hurt others in the process. You know my sins quite well, and you also know my regret. I am lost. I though I was fine by myself. I though I was self sufficient and didn’t need you. I let myself fall to complete shame. I became vulnerable to the Devil’s sins.
Father, you know that I let my moral character be destroyed. I let my moral fiber to be taken. My narcissistic, and hedonistic behavior clouded my judgment. It is bad to let yourself indulge every whim. Such pleasures are temporal, and […]
I want to be happy, this is true,
But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
Ive tried everything in the book,
Maybe if they took a second look,
theyd realize im at my lowest point
Even when I smoke a joint.
Even when I pop the pills,
Even when I can pay the bills.
Every object I see can be
The thing that kills me, sets me free
Does everyone else think this way?
Do they think about it every day?
Do they research easy ways to die?
Do they sit in their room all day and cry?
Do they feel like there is never hope?
Is anyone else in the same boat?
I feel so alone, have no […]
I’m not really sure why I’m writing this, I guess because I feel completely alone and this pain is making me physically and mentally sick. Maybe I should start from the beginning, I can’t remember a time when I never felt sad. My childhood was really traumatizing, My father and Mother both have mental illnesses. They divorced when I was young and my father then died when I was 14. I remember having suicidal thoughts when I was 12, and I’ve had them ever since then. At the age of 18 I feel like a old person, everything makes me tired! I mean everything. I […]
First of all, this is NOT an advertisement for a suicide partner. I would much rather die alone. Before I came to this site, I had never really heard of getting a random suicide partner. So, for those of you who want one, why? I’m not trying to be judgmental at all…to each his own. I am just trying to understand.
U dont know but my story has gotten to be a long one. i wish i could tell u everything to see what u would say. Would u call me emo? Would u never talk to me again? I cant risk this chance. thats why i just want to leave u a note and never have to explain. i wish u could just look at me and know everything i was feeling. but for the safety of u, i cant speak up. not even lead u to what it could be. i hate feeling like im lying to u. how i just wanted u to […]
I may not be the beautiful girl with the perfect life or gorgeous boyfriend, but i use to be happy with how i was and to have people that loved me. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 11. i have been a cutter since i was 12. Suicide will one day be my way out of this horrible life. My father once told me is was selfish to be depressed and be suicide when there are lots of people in the world with worse problems. The thing is,  is that how do u help the way u feel? Its like love, how do […]