I am freaking out right now.

My boyfriend hasn’t messaged me, and it’s been about an hour, I know that it may be a short period of time but he usually answer’s right away.

He has HCM (Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy) Which is pretty much the following:

“HCM is a form of heart muscle disease in which the muscular walls of the ventricles (lower chambers of the heart) become abnormally thickened.

The thickening of the heart muscle causes the muscle itself to function abnormally. The thickening also can cause the ventricles to become distorted, which can interfere with the function of the aortic valve and the mitral valve, which regulate blood […]

Basically my dad walked out on me and my mum when I was 7 and left us with a load of debt. My mum had a drink problem and I often had to put her to bed and take care of her by myself from the age of 7. I would walk home from primary school wondering what state my mum would be in. When it got too much for me I went to stay with my favourite person in the world, my great aunt in the country, and one morning when I was staying with her I watched her die from a heart attack. […]

There is absolutely no point to my life. I’m extremely paranoid all the time and feel like whenever a friend hangs out with me at my house, it’s just out of pity. I stay in the house all day with the curtains closed pretending I don’t exist. The only time i’m comfortable is when i’m alone in my room in the dark. I’ve tried many different types of medication that haven’t worked and been to psychologists who do nothing really. The truth is that nobody cares. My mum does… but thats it. She’s the only thing stopping me killing myself. It’s gotten to the stage […]

So lonely i cant stand it. I have no idea why i havent killed myself yet, i wish i did a long time ago. I guess i cant blame anyone for not wanting to be my friend. Nobody would want a stupid, weak, fool like myself for a friend. I deserve to die.

-End

nothing left to do ive tried all i can think of and everything has stopped working. im suffocating and cutting has stopped helping i tried to get help but it just made it worse i dont even know if i want to die or live anymore im empty of everything but pain and its slowly killing me but i cant think of what to do to help it go away for even a minute any ideas of whats worked for you?

how can i either die or stop completely? i am in hell and my best advice is settle in

I’ve posted here before, a couple of times. This time though… I’m not sure if I’m going to make it. This year, I knew something was up, on the eve of my 20th birthday I felt more regret, dispair and suicidal than I ever had before. Since then, I seem to be living in constant paranoid fear, regretting everything I’ve done in the past. It feels as though I can no longer excape. Yesterday I started planning my suicide, I have never done this before. I planned to write a suicide note, post ‘goodbyes and sorrys’ on every website I am a member of and […]

..or anything in between. If you have nothing left to lose, and are here because you want help,

if you are tired of being depressed and suicidal,

you should check this out.

http://www.bipolar-workshop-coach.com/

This website is created by a person who has bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and has found a way out.

Welp James you couldnt kick heroin so you went and hung yourself… i guess you are not such a loser… you finished life… man this sucks he died by suicide 07/29/2011

I hear the heartbeat in my ears and neck. I haven’t choked in a while. Its hard to breathe (but I could be just thinking I am). I’m watching World’s Greatest Dad about a guy who has a hard time with his son. His son calls everything a fag as in gay or bad. His son is really into auto-erotic asphyxiation and he got caught doing it. The sad part, the dad sees him dead because he choked for 2 long. He decides to make it look like a suicide, with a not and him hanging from his closet. Probably to hide the shame that […]

Sometimes, well a lot actually.

I find myself imagining I was killing people.

Slowly, painfully, full of blood.

Stabbing..

It makes me feel, crazy.

Not insane, crazy.

But, I really don’t mind.. Any of it.

Im giving advice to a 43-year old Scottish man who is having terminal liver caner on how to die peacefully. I said, that he should rent a 20-leter ******** tank.

However now im begging to have second thoughts. I just wanted him to make it through safely. He has the original exit bag, and is in the process of buying the exact needed ******** flow fitting. It took a little time, but i managed to find a picture of it on the internet;

http://fi.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiedosto:Gas_bottles_in_Finnish.JPG

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/04/27/suicide-kits-the-91-year-old-woman-selling-instant-death-on-the-internet.html

There you go! The 2 main tools needes for this thing to work!

Anyway, i just wanted to ask you, is 20-leters enough to fill […]

I hate life. Everyday I feel more like a loser who wont amount to anything. I just wished something good would come my way or just end it before I become even more depressed. But I write this in hope of communicating with others like minded and similar. To know that I am not alone! Boredom will become the end of me I believe. I just hope this maybe my ticket to life. I don’t know maybe I’m just here to whine and complain. Thats what I always do. I never do anything responsible or productive. My life is a wasteland. I can’t even become […]

hes finally mine. ive waited for a while. im doing better. no more cutting unless we fight. i hate fighting with him. it hurts me so much. i wounder if he knows how much pain it puts me in. i love him so much. i really dont want to loose him. i want to stop fighting with him and the worst part is that we fight over the stupidest stuff. but what can i do? im not going to break up with him. i love him. any suggestions? :/

Ok. Everyday My brain travels towards death. Idk what is about me. Maybe I’m not getting enough sex? I just write poems, songs, I sing, I play my guitar and harmonica. Yet I usually end up still feeling like shit.  Sometimes I think heavy substance and numbness is my only way out of hell. This world is hell. I wake up hopeful of success but in the back of mind and in my home, I’m a failure. Feeling to is very familiar. I wish for suicide but I’m a lover not a killer.  Life is just so bittersweet! I love life and it’s beauty and […]