Should I continue to please you? Disregarding my own emotional needs. To continue on with this cyclic, self inflicted torture.

Or should I turn bitter, mould my trusting mind into a people despiseing, egotistical, sadistic fool. Who enjoys nothing more than to give others a taste of their own medicine.

Fuck it. Why should I have to decide. My own decieved mind shall create it’s own preference, it’ll decide on it’s own.

What would have to happen for the pain in your life to become bearable again?

I guess crying is the solution to everything.
I dont know how it keeps me sane,
but i guess i have no other chosed.
Days like these…
always brings the ugly out of me.
nothing more can take care of it.
No matter how many sympthic please i get
everything will be the same.
Saddness and depression
are mine enemy.
I dont want them to beat on me.
No matter how much it hurts.

I haven’t left the house in a week. I know that my friends are out there and that they care. I know I should be looking for a job or talking to a school adviser. Signing up for classes, grocery shopping, being productive, appearing happy, participating in life.

I just don’t care. There isn’t anything that can make me care. I know, I’ve looked for years. No motivation, no interest, no purpose or plan.

I’ve been casually researching the specifics of suicide. What happens medically when you hang yourself, short and long drop style. What happens internally when you overdose on different things. It makes it seem […]

@all the people i spoke to last night…lol…;I’m not saying i didn’t try, just, i’m still here. even saw the ex today, went as well as i could have hoped i guess, which wasn’t great at all. wouldn’t be fair to get back with her anyway, if she changed her mind and wanted to get back with me it would only be out of pity, so thats why she doesn’t know about any of this, wouldn’t be fair on her, especially as it’s not exactly her fault. but just thought i would say.

I want to die just to see if anyone would care. I want to die but I don’t want to be dead forever. I wonder if anyone would listen if I told them I that I wanted to die. Would anyone take me seriously? Or would they think nothing of it. Would they talk me out of suicide if they knew how depressed I am? Who is ”they” anyways, there’s no one I trust with any of this. Because people finding out about me is my biggest fear. I am too ashamed and embarrassed to talk about any of this. So right now […]

Well after writing “The Change.” the drama continued for hours. I finally decided to eat today. So i went to go grab a piece of bread and my dad started freaking on me and said i was a fat pig. Mind you i ate absolutely nothing at all. So i just walked in my room and ignored him and went back on my computer. Then a couple hours passed and i went out to show my dad my dream car to be friendly. Then of course, he yells at me. Then my mum goes why are there garbage cans in here, and i said i […]

Why why why why why????
why do you do this me? all ive done is love you
yes i start fucking rucks but how can I not when all you do is lie?
I ask you a simple fucking question and you ignore me
you’re one of the reasons I hurt myself.
You call me a fucking din for it, but i don’t care.
I only care for you. Yet, you lie and say you care to!
Do you fuck, you don’t give a shit! If you did care you wouldn’t fuck me over!
I just want to fucking stab you in the fucking face […]

I finished the note I want to leave for everyone to read after I’m gone. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind looking it over and making sure it sounds alright. I’d appreciate any constructive feedback.

I want you to know more than anything that this wasn’t your fault. This wasn’t anyone’s fault. There wasn’t any one thing in my life that brought me here and this is something that has been building up for years. I’m so sorry that by doing this I hurt you. I don’t ever expect you to accept my decision, but I hope that this […]

What I mean.

When I was younger i was always so cheerful and energetic. Now, I’m just depressed and i want to have no part in anything. I really want to die. I can’t stand life anymore. I have tried numerous times to kill myself. Like cutting myself, drinking mouthwash hoping it would kill me or something, but it doesn’t. I always pray to God asking if he could just let me die.

Why I hate life so much.

For some reason everyday I’m always in trouble for no reason. My parents are always screaming at me and i didn’t understand why. It makes it worse for me […]

Funny enough it’s the title of a teen book I read in high school, that was over a decade ago. Today I decided to really just make it happen, drop everything move to somewhere else and just disappear. It’s the only alternative I can think of other than to either kill myself and become an alcoholic. I’m so sick of being tracked, everyone knowing where I am what I’m doing, social networking etc. I’ve set a date and will gradually ease out of my physical and digital existence. I don’t want to be found. Maybe it’s the recent news, but all these articles about how […]

The pain, feels good.
The blood, has been the best sight ive had.
I dont know why, I do.
But to me, It’s what i know best at.

I’m addicted to it, now. when i start i cant stop, It’s.
just so… soo…. un natural.

i wish i was one of them. as horrible as that sounds… FML

The pill, it makes you ill cuz i’ve lost the will cuz life aint so brill, so i’ll write my note with an olden quill as i sit on this hill, and maybe i’ll chill before deaths in for the kill

Failing to die

I have been married for 15 years, for the last 3 years i have had an affair and fallen in love with this woman. I have been unhappy in my marriage for many years and when i was having my affair i was the happiest that i have ever been in my entire life. The other woman has gotten divorced and asked me to do the same, i cannot, the guilt of leaving my children and wife wont let me do it. so now this woman has moved on and i dont know what to do. i feel so helpless, my […]

Well , I’m new to this i must say honestly i really have no clue what to write in any way, But I’m 15 and i’ve suffered from depression for over 2 years now, and I’m lost, it makes me over think things, i rage a lot over nothing at people for the stupidest things. I’ve attempted a few times, and the cuts are just over welling i cant look at them anymore and every-time i do, it just makes me want to keep doing till i cant take it anymore, I know i may be over reacting but it feels like no-one cares, like […]

Hi, my name is Jordan, my life is a complete disaster. My family are fantastic but my personal issues are awful. i am 18 and recently split up with my girlfriend of over 2 and a half years, the day we split up i found out she was texting another lad and wanted to meet up with him. i was absolutely furious with this. all of the belongings she gave me i walked to hers which is about 4 miles away and i left them on her door. she later phoned me and confirmed she was texting this other person. she always lies to me […]

Why can’t suicide be an option? When ever you bring it up people always act like no matter the circumstance it’s not ok. What if someone is so chronicly depressed that treatment doesn’t help? I say only you in the end know what is best for you. What’s wrong with a termanly ill person saving themselves form a slow death? What’s so wrong with an elderly widow ending thier life when they lost thier love of fifty years? There is a million different senarios but answer to suicide can’t always be no. But at the sametime the answer to suicide can not always be yes.

I’m 16 years old, and a suicide survivor (I guess that’s what it’s called). I guess I’ll explain my life in this rant. I’m not sure what the point of this is, I guess just to show that if you’re going through something, you’re not alone. Also things get better.