I recently lost my girlfriend, by that i mean we broke up, this is not the first time obviously, I lost a girlfriend over a year ago too, after 3 years, that was hard, was the first girlfriend I ever lost, so granted it would be harder, but i got through it with the friends I had and i got a band together, it was great, I was finally feeling hope again, then through my drummer i met a girl, Becca. We met literally 3 times briefly, in groups, we didn’t really even talk, but i got her number and we met up one ngiht […]

Anyone else just wake up and just want to die each and every day? This is what I go through, however, it’s become even more severe lately. More or less making me feel closer to attempting suicide once again. I guess with the fact that medicine isn’t helping and I generally feel hopeless, nothing would really pick my mood up.

To be honest, I just felt like posting something; basically whatever was on my mind… well, the more subtle parts of what’s on my mind. I’m really bored, down, and excruciatingly slowly becoming tired. O’course you can go ahead and leave comments for me or tell […]

i feel that everybody has got friends in deir lives,but i dont have a true friend.most of girls think that i’m proud,but in actual i’m not.i m lacking fun and excitement in my life.sometimes i feel that i should not be living this life.i belong to somewhere else.i feel that i’m misplaced or unfit in this environment.i cant tolerate selfish,good for nothing and hell rude people.but still they are in my life and i cant get rid of them.i feel that this life i’m living is not a blessing for me.its a hard time i’m being given.

…and my own mother didn’t even wish me happy birthday, let alone get me a card or present.

nice eh?

urgh, a day of pretending even more so to be happy and lying to everyone, only good thing about it was getting some funds to set the wheels in motion.

my parents. My parents, are control freaks. It’s like I’m a little puppet, and they pull the strings of things they want me to do. It seriously isnt fair. I also have a stupid brother who is SUPER annoying, and he has no strings attached. And he never did. If i get a B in class, they will yell at me, If i get straight A’s they will not congratulate me, they will look at me, and say, “work harder.”

Thing is, They only tell this to ME, never do they tell this to my brother. It’s pathetic. I cant believe that I worked SO hard. […]

My thighs are huge, and my stomach looks terrible. I just want to be the word in the title. I get told that I am too skinny, but then I see girls that are skinner than me. I just want to have a flat stomach and thinner thighs. Is that wrong? But then, I get called Emo. And I get yelled at and made fun of for being different. Sure, I have friends. But I just push and push and shove my feelings down to the bottom of my toes. But then it builds up and up, and I just cant take it anymore! I […]

My date of departure was going to be May 4th, but I realized that something is happening that day that would cause people to notice my absence…so I was going to do it today. Except that I couldn’t. I hate everything.

The wave comes to meet with us at the shore. It feels nice to have the water crashing through our touching toes and holding hands. We felt so small among the immense, powerful ocean. The water returns to its larger counterpart and it taunts us to become a part of it. As if  to assist the ocean, the billion granules of sand try to pull us closer to the edge of the shore. Nature is calling her children to bring back something that was once a part of the earth. We could not help but give in to […]

okay so i love my friends but they are killing me. its not their fault anything i have i abuse and its just so fucked up and i just want it to stop, want to be happy. i went through bulimia for a while (its coming back to me) and depression. many suicide attempts which were nicks at the neck no more than self harm which i did reguarly but then my parents found out and made me stop. i have a friend i have known her for nine months and i told her about me and she helped me she really did. but i […]

Idk. I’ve been watching this video every morning and it is helping. Each to thier own I guess. There’s lots of videos if you search hard enough. It has helped me get through the week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSYtQy9EqTA&feature=related

dad – “when are you going back to school?
me – “why do i need to, its a waste of time.”
dad- “you know me and your mom aren’t going to be around forever. what are you going to do when were both gone?”
me- “im going to kill myself cuz you guys are really the only reason why im staying alive.”
dad- “your crazy you know.” (in a joking manner)
me- “you know im being serious right?”
dad- “will you stop talking like that!”

i exit the room. curl up in a ball on my bed and cry. he tries to hide the truth with […]

I was gonna leave tonight, but for some reason I felt like I should go running first, I don’t know why because I hate running. While I was running, I heard a woman screaming for help. I went to see what was going on and managed to stop some tweakers from gang-raping her. I bought her enough time to run away, so the tweakers held me down while one of them carved the word “HERO” into my chest. I gave my statement to the cops, but I am now in trouble for being out late, starving because I threw up all the food I had […]

For as long as I can remember Ive dealt with depression. I always self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. And i managed to do it under the noses of pretty much everyone around me. Id have a couple of shots of vodka before school mixed with some pain killers I had either bought or swiped from a medicine cabinet. And on some days I even brought it in a water bottle and kept it in my locker. I wouldnt get hammered or wasted. But I would only drink enough to feel a little numb. And when that started I just took more drugs.
Well I had […]

I want to die, and I’m not sure that I want anyone to stop me, but someone should see the beauty of  my plan.

So I have a good friend named “Mary”.  For Christmas I opened up bank accounts for her niece and nephew.

Shortly there after, I went to the local gun shop and had someone tell me all about the different types of guns and tell me which one would be easiest for me to use.  They sold me one that very day!

Later, I took Mary to the bank with me and added her to the kids accounts as a “precaution” in case anything were […]

Because I lie and pretend like everythings fine.

When I’m finally able to tell someone about my problems, all I do is harm them.

I see how my friends slip into the blade’s grip.

And I know its all my fault.

And even worse is that I’m too afraid to save them.

I’m going to go running for a few miles and then I’ll end it when I’m done. I’m not sure if I’ll slit my throat, hang myself, OD or something else, peace out everyone.

When you are depressed, you don’t get better it’s there forever.
When you cut, you feel better.
You’re suicidal, you see death in every day places, jump in front of a car, a train, a bus, off a bridge, drown yourself in a bath, take a knife and bleed out, electrocute yourself, drive as fast as you can and crash, hang yourself. That bridge is high enough, that rope is strong enough, that bus is fast enough.
You’re waiting for the right date, because your fears hold you back.
You are scared of, life after death, failure in your attempt, the grief you will cause, […]

Hello to anyone reading this. My name is Bran, and this is my story.

Back in December of 2008 I attempted to commit suicide by overdosing. Obviously, I failed.  A month later, my uncle passed away in a boating accident. I felt like I was being punished for what I was trying to do.

Lots of things happened in between. Quite a few bad ones, actually. I won’t get into it here.

Two months ago, my grandfather passed away. I really can’t live without him. Every day is such a struggle and I have no clue what to do. I am looking at suicide as the answer from […]

When he thinks back to before his depression, it really does go all hazy. Was he ever happy? Was it just a dream? It really does seem that way. He litterally cannot remember how to feel happiness anymore. He can’t get that smile that says “I’m happy without a care in the world” anymore, He’s lost it.

When he thinks back to happy memories, it actually gives him a headache. Just because he cannot remember how to feel that joy, that happiness. How is he supposed to get back to something he doesn’t know how to feel anymore?

Did all of those things really happen to him? Was he in love with the […]