I don’t know what the hell to do anymore.

Its been awhile since I’ve been on this site and actually write something down concerning my feelings that I lock away.

To start off I’m failing all my classes (apparently) and may have to do summer school, which I never havedone before.

Second off I can’t seem to get anything right anymore. Does anyone ever blank out but its very consistant? I feel like I’m slowly turning into a veggie.

I’ve been feeling under the weather lately so I am missing school, 14 days in English and Math. Math is my worse subject I literally can’t do it and this […]

Hi. I stumbled across this site last night while not being able to sleep. I don’t know why I’m here, but I wanted to sign up regardless.
I’m a 19 y/o female living in a house with my mum and my brother, who is 16, in Australia. I have things that so many other people in the world do not. We have our own house, have food in the cupboards and a bedroom each. We love and support each other in our own dysfunctional ways. I see my dad regularly and have a good relationship with him.
I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was […]

hi im 17 and i want to kill myself im just tired of existing the only reason i havent thus far is because my sister is getting married in a few months and so if i were to kill myself now it would probably ruin her wedding and her marriage, and she really loves her fiance but i dont think they would be able to last through me commiting suicide so i hav decided to wait 6 months if i can find a temporary solution to my problem (being miserable every concious second) until my sister has atleast been married for a few months. the […]

I haven’t seen of you in over a week and i don’t know if you’re still there but i wish i could let you know that i think you’re such a great, pure soul and i enjoyed the time you spared for me unlike any other, it gave me so much strength.

I just hope that you’ll find peace somewhere and that someday we’ll meet again…

Hey folks,

I think about you guys all the time. I wish I could be here all the time to just talk to you and love you and help any way I can. But I’ve been getting really tired and sometimes my anxiety acts up. But just know I’m praying for you and if you ever need someone to talk to I check my email about a million times a day (carin@uoguelph.ca) and I’m often on MSN at that address or on AIM at yoursemaphore. I’d love to chat with any of you if you’re feeling down and just need a friend.

In the meantime, I found […]

I never expected this much heart ache. I knew for quite some time that the man i once loved left my life long before he actually spoke the words. I was prepared and ready for the effect. To my astonishment it wasn’t as painful as i thought itd be, all im experiencing now is the grief of losing a past love. He wasn’t who i loved for many months, and so i accepted this opportunity gracefully. That was 1 month ago, now i am truly ready to experience the greater wonders of life. “Each love is greater than the last” hopefully this quote will be […]

It’s broken

Are you happy?

I can’t get another

I’m not that strong

We went from love

To disregard

What’s next?

Hate?

Distrust?

Or is it us splitting

And my death coming soon after?

Is it us working this out and facing my demons?

Or you watching me destroy myself with a look of nonchalant?

Do you even know how it happened?

Me neither

But after the wreck of my life

Joining up with my thoughts

Why doesn’t matter

All that matters is how

How to end it

How to forget it

How to leave

How to not go crazy

How but again we have no answer

Life seems absolutely impossible and unbearably pointless. I struggle with depression, anorexia, self harm, etc. I’m constantly stuck in this endless cycle. My mood starts to drop, then I start restricting as it gives me some sense of control and relief then once my health starts going down the drain people start taking that control away and I end up in hospital on a feeding tube and iv. And that’s when I realize that I have no choice but to eat otherwise I’ll be living in hospitals. THEN once I start to eat and begin gaining weight, my mood reeeally drops and I basically just […]

I’m not someone who believes in miracles, but there has to be a miracle. How else is it that I am here? That I still live? Despite my attempts, here I am. Typing this up right now. I have a few things to say. Miracles aren’t for girls like me. The girls who see nothing but darkness in life, they are for those who truly need them. Who am I to take their miracles away? Yet someone, who I’ll never truly understand has a plan for me.

I’ve been raped, molested, and abused all my life. And now, I’m going to put it behind me. I […]

Let’s play a game

Where you pretend to care

But don’t see my hurt

And where I act like you not caring

Doesn’t hurt me at all

Where all my pain is hidden

And you just can’t seem to find it

Let’s play a game

Where I wait for you to give up

And you don’t give the help I need

Where every day I’m screaming just for you to save me

But you don’t hear me

Where you don’t come to my side

As I’m weakening to the thoughts

Let’s play a game

I’m refusing to medicate these days. Things are going well and I’ve been substituting with exercise.

Everyone applauds me on getting in shape and using exercise the way “normal” people do to motivate themselves.

I try not to judge those who’d dare even use the word normal in such context, but it’s hard.

I have a new girlfriend. My family is proud of me and my friends are thrilled to see me again.

So why does the pain come back? I’ve found things I love and I still find myself waiting around to die. I won’t go back to cutting. I look at the old scars and it weakens […]

My bodies the canvas

My eyes hold my paint

All the pain is too much for me

And her love is fading with the stars in the morning

The razors still sharp enough

The fire hot enough

The pills will hold the focus of death

The alcohol holds the wish for release

Together they herald death

Apart they mock it

Life can be long

Or end short

But the constant is it ends

And I decide when

And right now as your scream

I contemplate when I’ll go

You think I’m fine

But after tonight

No one will think of me

to Rocky, I don’t know if you’re alive but I’m gonna miss you regaurdless. you always were just incredible in general. you are the greatest guy I’ve ever known and I’m gonna miss your radical comments. do good friend.

To Justathought, I don’t know what’s happening with you, but I can’t stay here any longer. no I’m not dying. I’m moving on, and I wish more than anything that you could have my place, but that’s not in my power. I Love you, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had in life. I’ll try and visit every so often, and Justathought, I will always be praying […]

i dont have it too bad. my parents care about me, i have a girlfriend who i get along with, and a friend who i do lots of stuff with. tho recently me and my girlfriend seem to be growing apart, and shes the only reason i still live, and i totaled my car yesterday. for a while the thoughts went away but now, i have a suicide kit ready, that involves alcohol, a razer blade and around 70 ibuprofen. if i get to get some i may also get a lighter, a fresh razer and sleeping pills. but why do i still want to […]

If I write your name on my hands, it’ll wash away…
If I tattoo your name on my neck, the bite marks, your teeth… will rip it away 
If I cut your name into my wrists, the scars will fade away…
But today…
Today I have the perfect way 
To keep you here with me 
I’ll rip out my still beating heart, and on it carved, your name is there to stay… 
In all its gore and glory 

So here I am…
This is what heaven must be like
Or is it hell?
Everything I am, layed out for you to see…
The blood in my veins, swimming on the table
I cut open my chest, layed aside flesh and bone…
And what do we find, within the walls of my chest cavity?
No perfect red heart, rosy and full…
Nothing stitched, nothing battered..
Nothing not at all 

I need a savior 🙁
I need a life
I need a razor blade

Everything is falling apart. I want to die and that’s all I want. Please someone shoot me

For cutters,
When you cut, do you ever black out and not realise what’s going on until you “snap” out?

I started taking Iron, B-12 and a multi-vitamin about two weeks ago and I actually feel alot happier and healthier. I’m not happy 100% of the time but I’m a whole lot happier than before. I just wanted to put that out there if someone wanted to try it. Might work for you too! I’ve also started to tell myself to let the little things go and that’s helping too.

Good luck to all