the taste…the feeling…the escape. hiding away in my prison you call a room. i hide away empty bottles you know nothing about. while you sleep i drown myself in the sweet taste of liquor. the beautiful scent thats not to be found anywhere else. the beautiful taste that only comes from the first sip. the companionship that it gives that its not felt anywhere else. the great feeling it gives that one can only dream off. a disease they call it. well it’s a disease i’ll gladly die from. and die i shall.

i’ve always hated myself. i just never really wanted to believe it. i always felt that things would get better. that shit was only temporary. but shit has stayed the same. why am i so afraid of life? why can’t i be social? why is every body pushing me away from them? everything hurts me. my mind makes things worse than needs to be. i try not to let it but it takes over. i have no place in this fucking world. HELLO!!! somebody please notice me. notice the pain and the hurt, which i hide so well. I’m afraid to live. But I’m afraid […]

i dont know why, but the thought of suicide has been haunting me for the past few weeks. every time i come to face an issue, the easiest solution seems to be just ending my life alltogether. i don’t want to, not at all, so it is really freaking me out that suicide has crept its way into my mind and refuses to leave. i’m beginning to wonder if there is anything i’d really miss leaving behind. once you’re gone, you’re gone. you feel no regret or remorse towards your life. it’s just gone, empty. but i know this is not what i want. “you […]

of your guy’s posts,
about over 100 the past hour.
So let me tell you one outcome :

I have to go pee really bad.

More than anything in this world I want to change who I am. I try everything I have in the effort I have accessible. The gym twice a day, the weekly psychiatric appointments, the medications as prescribed, it’s doesn’t fix a thing. Despite my efforts I’m left with simple advice; “everything happens for a reason.” Tell me what the reason is in a constantly suicidal young adult with no aspirations to make anything out of the future. I have aspirations, I have ideals that I believe to be real yet I have a giant void between where I am and […]

The world is an empty abyss. My soul is simply roaming through it, without a purpose. I am a lonely, terrible soul, wandering through this horrific place.

As I lay in my bed, I gaze up at the ceiling, just thinking. Sleep seems to be my only escape from this world…if only I could sleep forever.

Two “poems” that I’ve had as my Facebook status.

My sister got into a fight I don’t want to go in depth about it though,
she cut me with her nails.
Shes older,
I’m younger,
I’m bigger,
shes smaller.
I’m stupider,
Shes smarter,

I’m more painful.
Also more in pain.
like right now her nails made my hand bleed yet i still type lol 😛
WHY WOULD I CUT MYSELF?!

I have problems. Like most people.
I hate my parents. They treat me like utter crap.
I’m Asian, so that must count for why they are abusive. Just kidding, sorta.
I have major mood swings.
My friends don’t understand my pain. They don’t know that I’m rather suicidal.
I’m WAY to scared to attempt anything though. Yeah, I’m a wimp.
I’m a pretty good actor. My friends always see me as a super happy girl, not what I really am.
I’m overly-sensitive, so I cry easily. Over EVERYTHING.
I must be annoying you now from my silly ranting.

i can fly

I like to read everyone’s posts.
Well, to put it simply I’m not very bright or intelligent.
I have a brain of a 5 year old… Haha.
Anyways,
everyone has their very own post that to me seems very intellectual.
I like to copy & paste it, then change some words, add some.
To my very own problem.
It makes me feel a WHOLE LOT better.
Its like a sentence starter.
I can’t always post sadly,
I have school, chores, homework.
I guess this keeps me away from thinking/having drama.
Right now my ears/brain hurt from listening to music lol.

I’d get on my knees, if it’d helped me believe…
That things do get better, far better then this…
ironically you promise something I must die to achieve….
And I with my thoughts am in sin…
I wantto have faith, Father I swear…
But some of your childern carry crosses…a burden to heavy to bare…
Our souls they are breaking….
I’d get on my knees if it’d helped me believe
That this is what was meant for me
This body is a prision & I just want to be free…
I with my thoughts am in sin…
And I’m damned if I do […]

well here it goes. I’m 21 yrs old and from Tennessee. love my family and friends. was engaged to be married this last year. well he left me on valentines day. he had made my life a living hell while we were together. after he left me i just had no desire to live even though things had been bad with him. he had cheated on me and got another girl pregnant then gave her the ring he bought me. sitting alone one day i just couldn’t stop thinking about they way things happened. walked to the kitchen and picked up the biggest […]