3 years I worked this job. 3 fucking years.
This is my 3rd queue with them.
Sad thing is, the queue itself is a lot better, it’s just that the damn company is still the same after all this time.
I’d put up with some serious shit at that job for the sake of a paycheck.
Now though, now I can’t do that anymore.
I haven’t been there in a long while (think the place finally broke me after 3 years of their shit) and it helps A LOT, but unfortunately, I haven’t found a job to replace it yet. So I’ll go back tomorrow, […]

so, uh, first of all; I’m not alone with this. that’s nice. thanks antemortem for uh, existing with the same horrible condition as I do.

I’m not sure how to deal with the fact I’ll never be a person. Never going to do anything. Won’t learn anything. barely talk to anyone. never transition. i like to think i would’ve been a good person at being a person. And instead my brain just broke! Wasn’t even traumatized by an event, my brain just did this. This is awesome.

What isn’t a lie these days?

-Mainstream media spews out bullshit to make us believe what the rich that control our country want us to believe- BOTH on the MSM Left and MSM Right.
-BOTH establishment Left and Right are lying to us, pitting us against each other to distract us so that we don’t band together to FIGHT THEM.
-Education is bull- 90% of “history” we’ve been taught has turned out to be lies.
-Science- Who would have thought that even “science” can be manipulated to push an agenda? When “science” is no longer science and “fact” is no longer a fact…our country and […]

This video was made last year, “official” inflation at 8.7%
And this year’s inflation # just came out at “only” 3.2%.

What a crock of bullshit. We all know the prices of foods and goods has risen way more than 3.2% this year. The govt lies about inflation #s so that the COLA- Cost of Living Adjustment remains low. COLA is what determines how much Social Security has to pay out, and the govt has been lying for DECADES about inflation #s to not pay out.

Inflation was “0.0%” in 2015
Inflation was “0.3%” in 2016

Inflation was “1.6%” in 2019
Inflation was “1.3%” in […]

I do not yet know the precise method outside of asphyxiation. It’s funny because as a child I had an intense and recurring dream that I died by drowning in a previous life. Looks like it’s going to be similar in this life, in terms of breathing.

My mum died last week and I absolutely cannot and will not continue in life without her.

I hope there is an after life or reincarnation (though ideally I would just have a lifelong rest).

My biggest fear is something interrupting what I do and I awake but with a severe disability and can then never do anything for myself but […]

I can almost hear my many therapists, saying fix the problem closer to home, fix MY problems, but that’s just it, this is my problem. I tried for years and years to become more passive, more like others. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t work 60-100 hour weeks and barely make enough to cover expenses. and now I live off of my family, and a part of me wants to feel guilty for that. I’m doing it though, I’m not going to be some passive jerk keeping the system corrupt. I like to believe that even without my family, I’d rather be homeless than kill […]

The thoughts continue to get worse.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not going to die. There’s just going to be less of me every day. This is getting to be too much to even distract myself from it. I’m not going to ever be able to kill myself. Everything left inside of me (every last scrap of thoughts and feelings and personhood and egoic cohesion and memory) is eroding and there’s already basically nothing left and I’m just left… incapable of existing in the same space as this truth.

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute […]

I can’t help thinking about what life would be like if I’d made different choices. Of course, in order to choose differently, I would’ve had to have been a different person, living in a different reality. But what if things were just ever so slightly different. If something else had caught my attention, just long enough to prevent me from doing something terrible. And if I’d avoided that, would I have found my way out of my depressive self-hating spiral? Would I have rediscovered my purpose in life, and re-engaged with the world? Would there be a different version of me lying here now, with […]

????? ???? ????? ???????? ??????

1Xbet ??????????? ? ???? ???? 1Xbet Zerkalo

1Xbet – ??? ?????????? ???????????? ???????, ??????? ????????????? ??????????? ??????? ? ??????? ??????????? ? ???? ????. ????????? ???? ??????? ???????????? ????? ??????????? ???????? ?????? ? ??????? ????? ?????? ? ????????????? ??????? ????????????.

??? ????? ???? ? 1Xbet ???????? ??????????

???? ???????? ? 1Xbet – ??? ????????????? ???????, ??? ????????? ????? ????????? ?????????? ?????????? ?????? ? ?????????? ??????? ????? ?????. ??? ????????????? ?????????? ? ?????????? ???????, ??????? ???????? ???????? ???????????? ? ?????.

1Xbet Bk Info ????? […]

I found out that all the negative cliches one hears are all true, the more negatative the more truer it is.  Regarding suicide you don’t go down without a fight but in the end you go down. My predecessors in suicide all said the same thing and I find myself saying it now – nothing works. I tried everything, therapy, anti – d’s, keeping busy, you name it and I tried it. You would want to be absolutely fucking desperate to reach out for help in the first place, reaching out by its very definition is commensurate to the level of distress one experiences, I […]

Life feels so hopeless…

We are just objects that are alive.
Do you agree or not and why.

No amount of “journaling,” “yoga,” “going for a walk” makes it better.

Chemicals (caffeine, sugar, alcohol, drugs, etc)- only makes you feel good for a very short bit, then you come back down to reality. And life sucks again.

I guess the better question is- “What Makes it Better?” rather than “What Makes it Feel Better?”

I’ve been avoiding my job lately because of how bad the work environment is.
The stealing, the fights, the drama, some of the people I work with (not all, but funnily enough they tend to lose all the better people because they don’t want to pay them more or don’t properly acknowledge them/promote them), etc. I sit next to someone who’s pissed off everytime someone calls in… in a call center. I can see why their absenteeism rate is so damn high (30%!).

I can’t keep this up.

Worst thing is I’m trying to find work more in line with what I went […]

Well damn…And these weren’t even depressed ppl…
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/1APXpFebWfk
~1min

I am disgusting. I’m mostly in denial about that fact. But I am. I’m so covered in filth that nothing in this world could ever make me clean. And that’s a problem, because I would quite like at least one person in this world to really understand me, while still caring about me. And that’s not possible. Because if you understand me, you understand that I’m repulsive, and you want nothing to do with me.

So I will always be alone, unless I fool others into believing I’m not repulsive. In which case I will be permanently acting, and will still feel alone and unloved. So… […]

Today marks yet another year I’ve lived. It feels a bit odd, I still feel like an overgrown child. I wish I could say I’ve changed or improved in some crazy way, but I haven’t. I still feel like all I really do is burden people. They’d probably be better off. I still feel as if I’m at fault for a lot of things. I realize at some point I will make an attempt to end it all. I hear horror stories of the future and it makes me paranoid, I don’t want to live through any of it. An off switch. I’m tired of […]

I’m new to this forum, so I don’t know how taboo this topic is. But my situation is as the title says — I’m in serious danger of going through with it because of the shame and pain I feel over never having been in a relationship or having sex. I’m at the point where I’m preparing a suicide note. My whole life, I’ve (probably?) dealt with depression in one form or another. I’ve been depressed over doing poorly in school, being bullied, not having friends — the list goes on. But, all those problems ended up being solveable.

Not this one, though. I have lost […]

This is my first post, so I hope I’m doing this right. I’ve never been good at writing so this might be a little incoherent.

I know I will kill myself someday and I’m at peace with that. I just have to wait a few years till my friends either have left the country or have moved on.

My contact with friends is minimal I do not care for reaching out either. I feel incredibly selfish for taking my own life knowing it will hurt them.

My best friend/roomate has taken some distance because of my persistent pessimism. She’s not doing too great mentally either and I’m glad she […]

So, I don’t even wanna hear another single person dare make the mistake of telling me to stop thinking about my trauma, when they have no fucking idea that I’ll be carrying this shit to my brain. I’m the only one in this whole stupid family who suffers from real trauma and any other mental illness, that I’ll be taking to my grave. Even though there’s times when I’m extremely stressed about trauma and other times when my trauma still affects me but not as bad, either way this traumatic shit is always there somewhere inside of me, and most willing to Provoke me anytime […]