House filled with people, Husband a big family…..but I’m fucking alone.
Physically, mentally, emotionally.
l alone no one to talk all ways surrounded by self centered with greater feeling then god kind of people . thats who I live now and I can’t get away from it no one cares. Im tired and really what to go home. just go home. Please some take me home please .
anyone up for a chat? I have foood…. XD I’m lightly recovering from feeling how I felt which is good I suppose…. I’m overtired and cold. Asdfghjkl halp plz
Unitato: Sui, what are you doing?
Sui: I’m making something Unitato :3
Unitato: Oh god what are you making?
Sui: Hehe carpet angels or maybe carpet burritos I honestly really don’t know
Unitato: *facepalms*
Sui: Nooooo its not facepalm you’re a Unitato….
Unitato: Oh yeah then what is it called then Sui?
Sui: Hehe facepotato *rolls around*
Unitato: *facepotatoes*
Sui: Bruh do Unitato’s fart rainbows?
Unitato: […]
Looking at you Al, its on triple J at 4:15am and making me feel a hell of a lot happier as i sit out front in the night looking at nothing but sky and sitting in despair…
But now with good tunes on its a chill nite
Just when I was on cusp of sleep when my mother in law walked in to tell us our family friend son eloped and is on the way it’s 1:20am ….. These people are from Chicago on there way to tahoe ..
Im tired and hungry and now some stange girl he eloped with is with them I hate new people especially 18 year old girls . who this girl married 17 boyvwho I take as brother now she gonna be here for awhile .just what I needed fml..Im tiered… Lets talk!!
So, I’ve mostly been coming here, just to make jokes and poke fun. Truth is, I’m losing. I have a taste of fun here, that’s all.
Fuck. Trying to think of what to say….
Wake up every day, hoping today’s the day. Hasn’t been yet.
I set my date or whatever, but, fuck plans and schedules.
I’m not concerned with being considerate in my death. Fuck em.
Always a reason. Always a hope. Always a dream.
So , when it’s time, it’s time. Probably won’t say goodbye. Not going to make a big deal. Guess it’s unfair to those here I click with. I’m […]
It may look like scribbles to you but they are words just 2 words “worthless” and “useless” (there is more words I have written this way but can’t bend my arm to get a pic) I needed to feel something I need to feel pain. (I also drew death with his scythe which I can’t bend my arm far enough to take pictures of that…) No I’m not bleeding tbh the site of blood makss me feel quite queasy. But […]
So, as usual, I got 400 ideas, plans etc. I got at least a dozen projects going. Half a dozen deals. On top of work, family obligations.
Why do I do this? Constantly emulating progress. As if the next step will finally fill this void…
I find myself daily thinking if I could just “X” then it’d be better. Then I remind myself it won’t. It’ll be the same just different, so I should kill myself.
Pretty much my inner voice lately, yeah I could do…. or you know, just die.
My anxiety is kicking in because of the words/fight that was exchanged between me and my brother he’s coming to see me and I couldn’t be more scared ya see family is aloud to come visit me I’m aloud to have my brothers kids for the night I’m having a panic attack and my breathing is slowly getting worse my lungs hurt and I’m hyperventilating I need to distract myself I’m all alone till he arrives….. Help me……
I thought that was a good title. Anyways. Like Bloodhound Gang would say…” like my scrotum here it is in a nutshell”
(Ranting)
Blah blah blah…
Life sucks… whoa is me…
Yadda yadda,
Rhetorical questions….
Something else…
Self loathing….
More rambling…
For reference review this…
Happy Tuesday to me…. FML I hate waking up I just want it to stop all the words, the voices, the demons just stop and leave me alone.
*closes box* but seriously though…. *rage quits life*
So I found my ten pack of blades today…
Suffice it to say, yes I statted cutting again.
At least this time its the leg not arm
And its not the blood I want to see but the pain I want to feel to know that…. that…. thats all I have at this point… I dont know anymore than that right now.
I used to loving making Mac and cheese. It’s so delicious. And its usually a pretty simple recipe.. Noodles, seasoning, your choice of cheese… Or cheeses… Any amount of cheese you please cause its your Mac and cheese. Mine would be either pepper jack or cream cheese.
Lately though, Mac and cheese have been the worse thing for me to cook. I can’t find the right size pan and the water is just boiling over…. The noodles are barely cooked or way over cooked… Noodles sticking the the bottom… Missing ingredients… It’s a disaster in the kitchen…
I hate Mac and cheese
So it is currently 10:35am NZ time and doctor’s can’t do their job right gave the wrong medication and stopped breathing for a bit other then that I’m fine someone distract me…. Also in 2 hours I get transferred to the rehab unit so yay for me…FML. HALP 
The pain is still here. I can drown it out. I can muffle it. But I’m just a shell of a person wandering around. Withdrawn to where it feels more than awkward to be out and around people when it wasn’t so before. Opening back up on command isn’t as easy as shutting down anymore. Desire to end things lingers as well and always has. Thoughts of such are being provoked more often than not now. What do you do when you feel that you have more reason to leave than to stay? Given life more than a chance just existing for the past 2 […]
If you tuned in on THIS POST, you not only got to hear me sing 197 digits of Pi at three in the morning, but you also got to hear me explain that I am going to spend my Friday drinking vodka and becoming (hopefully) less coherent as the night progresses.
I’ll spend most of my time here, but might drop a comment on your posts too, if you’d like. I promise to try to be on my best behavior if I visit you, but here on this post I may well descend into […]
I’m on the verge of crying. I feel depressed, I feel lonely and I feel heartbroken. When I really need them they aren’t here for me. The one who’s even been helping me isn’t even messaging me.. It makes me angry, It makes me frustrated to see he has time to communicate with my sisters but not with me. It makes me feel like I’m a total loser. It makes me feel regret for even liking him. He seems more interested in my sisters than he does of me. Seems he’s just keeping me company out of pity. It’s making me feel like killing myself. […]
I have most of the disorders we talk about in class so how the fuck am I doing so badly? Its like I shouldnt even have to study.
Probably beacuse I have most of those disorders…..
My ex and I talked last night. We basically put our friendship on standby. I think that it was a really bad idea to try to be friends so soon after breaking up. I’m glad we did, because I admit a lot of my anxiety and depression came from that. I do want to be his friend, but it’s just not the right time for him and not the right time for me. I feel as if a load has been taking off of me. But I do feel kind of sad about it. I can’t predict the future and I don’t know if our […]
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