I just really want to die.
The last seven years have been a blur.
But 7 years… 18-25. Years I haven’t lived.
Heck, I wasn’t even living before then.
Don’t get into a relationship, you’ll lose everything.
Time, friends, sanity, freedom are just a few.
The day was like any other really, I’m not sure why but I expected it to be different. Some huge event that happened on that day to lead me to finally take the leap but no:
I woke up,
drove to uni,
came home,
I didn’t feel any different to every other day that week, sad, useless, a waste of space, tired of living, but most of all I guess ‘alone’
But I happened to look into the mirror, I looked, I stared for what seemed like an eternity and I realized, I had no idea who that person was, looking back at me.
I had gone through so much, attempting […]
from 2009 of a brief stay inside the mental clinic. For 6 days I wrote terribly cringeworthy entries on a flipbook… and drew even more cringeworthy pictures. Gave me a good laugh. Yet one sentance stood out to me:
[…]I am important to People, and they like me for who I am and what I do[…]
What happened in 7 years since then? Today I am convinced of the opposite. Infact have attempted suicide multiple times because of issues of worthlessness etc. I wrote further […] “I learned my lesson, I will never attempt suicide again” […]
Yet I remember another attempt on suicide just a few […]
It’s so hard on me. It really is. I don’t even know how to feel. It’s like everything is a lie.
The guy I mentioned on my last post has been the cause of my problems. It’s all because I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.
Monday night I was feeling so down about my mom and him and just everything (Tuesday was my mom’s death anniversary) and so I texted him. I said “My mom died 7 years ago. You would understand right?”
His reply?
His exact words were “Ugh I’m sorry I’m not trying to be mean but can you please stop texting me”.
The only […]
I was raped when I was 7 years old, and im so fucking broken it hurts, I don’t feel empathy in the same way others do, I feel emotional pain much more acutely than most people do. To others, suicide is an unspoken tragedy, but for me it is an escape.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I thought I was slightly improving but I am struggling right now.
I fucking can’t do this anymore.
I HATE living with my partners parents. No, this isn’t me being a spoilt child this is me hating being 25 after 7 years of living on my own to having a controlling mother in law telling me what to do.
I’m not just saying I hate the parenting. It’s that nothing is ever right. To the point where I can do the pots, but if something is an inch out of place I will never hear the end of it 🙁
I can’t even explain how bad it is.
I’d managed to stop relapsing several times, especially after my university counsellor informed my parents of my so called ‘suicidal thoughts’. But that horrible feeling of spiralling down into an endless black hole returned, and I just really don’t know who to go to anymore. I suppose I’ll continue dealing with these shitty feelings. I just really want to know if this is depression or bipolar disorder, or am I just having a bad day. I’ve been having these ‘episodes’ for close to 7 years now, and I’d always thought that everyone felt this way. Now that I realise that it’s not, I just want […]
I recently ended up moving in with my dad who hasn’t been in my life for 7 years because my mother kicked me out after I attempted suicide in July. She likes to believe that my entire depression that I’ve had for 3 years has been fake. Being with my dad is definitely better than being with my mother… except I feel like I’ve screwed up his life now. He isn’t used to living with his kids and isn’t used to spending money on anyone but himself so I get in a lot of crap for being expensive. I think about trying again everyday. But […]
I’m new here..
I need to spill how i feel: alone. I recently graduated from uni and moved back to LA with my parents. Ive realized that i have no friends. And the few people i believed were my friends dont seem to want to see me. 6 months ago my bf of 6 years broke up with me. Its been so hard to deal with. I guess its better since i was always dragging him down with my sadness. My eating disorder (bulimia) is worse than ever. Ive been this way 7 years. I have been trying to get treatment but the treatment centers are […]
I am so sick of people thinking I know of what i want to do but that isn’t the only thing. I wish he would get that through his god damn thick skull. I lost all interest and passion in broadcasting. It was fun and interesting 7 years ago but this semester ruined it for me in a radio class I took. All I wanna do is be an artist be able to express myself through my art work and make a living out of it. But the chances of that are slim… The argument got so nasty last night by the end of the […]
Its been a very rough past few months for me. Hell who am I kidding, its been a very rough past 7 years. I just havent been able to catch a break. It’s been one thing after another. When it rains it pours? Yeah it’s been absolutely pouring down on me with no signs of stopping. Still looking for that ever non existent light at the end of this tunnel. Yet everytime I get to the point of no return I somehow am still here to live it all over again the next day. I have wanted to die for quite some time but I […]
I have been in mental anguish , agony for far too long. I don’t care you’re age or gender or even locale. I just want someone to talk about anything and everything. Maybe , we could help each other. I’ve been holding on for 7 years.
Email foxtrotz at aol
Bobby
I don’t see the point of staying alive anymore.
This is the conclusion I’ve come up with after the past 7 years. I just don’t see why I should keep going.
I’ve been faking my way through life for years now. My parents doesn’t know about it and if they did they’d make it worse.
I’d like to talk to a friend but i don’t have a lot and none of my current friends would understand how i feel.
Over the past year I’ve started to feel less and less joy from doing the things i liked once. I tear through book and don’t think any thing about them. […]
For some lucky individuals, autism frees them. Unfortunately for me, it traps me. I live in the world of repetition. My past aka my bullying days haunts me everyday. I really tried to let it go. but to no avail. My family refused to believe I have tried.
Whatever bad experiences I had haunts me everyday. That is the symptom of autism. Same thoughts comes to you in a cyclic manner. I struggled to gain acceptance in the past without success. I used to think what is wrong with me? Why doesn’t nobody likes me? Why am I so slow […]
Today was the day that I planned to kill myself, but unfortunately my affairs won’t be completely in order until November 25th. I can’t depart from this world until all of my affairs are in order because I don’t want to leave a mess behind for people to clean up. Earlier my ex professor emailed me, and called me asking if I was okay because he felt like I wasn’t. Initially, I denied that anything was wrong, and then I broke down and told him everything. All he did was push me further to suicide because he can’t comprehend the amount […]
I gave myself one week for me to change my mind, and to not execute my plan to attempt suicide. The day that I planned to execute my plan, and end my life was Friday. I told myself that if anyone showed that they actually cared about me, or if someone gave me a reason to live that I wouldn’t end my life. One of my ex-college professors called my cell phone this weekend. He asked if I was okay, and said that I seemed troubled the last time that he talked to me. I immediately tried to reassure him […]
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