I was hanging in the bathroom by my neck 20 min ago and my legs went numb. I wasnt strong enough, so I let my self down. I’m a 23 year old women and I’m in college. I am very alone. I don’t like to express myself emotionally because I tried it before but no one understood me. Sometimes I wonder if there’s anyone out there who feels like no one in the world understands you- who feels alone. I don’t know where to go or where to turn. I feel suffocate- stuck in a corner- always pretending everything is alright. But I’m tired and […]
as i lay in my bed on this beautiful saturday morning, i couldn’t help but think.
i just do not want to be here anymore.
i had not one reason to leave my cocoon this morning. the only reason i got up out of bed, at 1 in the afternoon, was to use the washroom.
i wish i could talk about this, these feelings, with someone in real life without getting into trouble. i just do not want to be here anymore. i do not want to be in a hospital, but i do not want to be me, alone, in this apartment, anymore.
it’s just become way too […]
This time I’ll do things differently
This time I’ll act immediately
This time, I’ll keep an overview
Has anyone else on here watched those two South Park episodes about depression? They’ve been keeping me sane (i.e. as sane as possible) for the past 21 hours or so. It’s been quite a while since I last watched them, and they feel even more relevant now. That’s not a good thing, of course, but at least I have something to make me feel less alone in all of this.
Damn it… Please, just let this day be over.
Loved. Whatever it is that brought you here, we are all suffering in our own way, but please know you are loved. Even if just from a stranger, whose face you will never see, an automated pixel design next to its username. We all came here for some reason, and we are all here for each other. You are not alone.
we are very much like our friends in the wild; the world we live in is a survival of the fittest. But to this I say, let the fittest survive! Survival is overrated. We’re alive; we die. How long we survive for is of little significance. Our true significance lies not in the endless comparing of ourselves to one another, trying to see who is the fittest, using scales of evaluation and meaning that differ in the heart and mind of every individual; no – it lies in our deeds alone with the time we have.
Just because, I smile, doesn’t mean I don’t know pain
Just because, I laugh, doesn’t mean I’m not hurting inside
Just because, I don’t cry every moment of the day , doesn’t mean I don’t want to
Just because, I can seem strong, doesn’t mean every little thing can’t break me
Just because, I seem happy and okay, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I say ” I’m fine “, doesn’t mean I am
Just because, I look like I’m independent, doesn’t mean I don’t need love
Just because, I am not saying this […]
Feel so stuck like everyone around me their lives are falling together and mine falling apart I’m in the dark and everyone is in the light moving and I’m staying still and alone in the dark when people say things get better do they really ? That’s one thing I fear now after after my 2nd attempt what happens if I stick around and they don’t get better
Lately I’ve tried to respond to posts here on SP and for some reason they don’t show up. Wtf? Even SP is rejecting me. I am at the end of my rope. I’m unemployed and can’t find a job and I’m going to run out of money soon. I’m scared and alone and freaking out. I just want to sleep forever and not have to deal with this nightmare called life. I wish I could find the strength to over come my fear of failing at my suicide attempt. The method I have access to takes about 24 hours and I’m scared of getting found […]
“Are you OK?”
I get asked it often, nowadays:
During lunch, sitting alone in an empty hallway, my face in my hands. Well, what is the answer?
I’ve come to realize that though I strongly DISLIKE getting asked the question, I know that the people who take their time to inquire about my feelings/ well-being are the nicest, kindest people- even if they genuinely don’t care, they still ask. And their asking helps me remember where I am and to keep […]
Everyday is there behind me, with a hand on my shoulder. The feeling is sneaky and ugly and dirty. Sometimes it feels like you would clean me, to take my last breath. To get away from the evil feelings that I will never be enough and that nothing I do is good enough.
There’s always a nagging itch.
Before the kids wake… Maybe they won’t miss me. Maybe they’ll be better off. Maybe…
My frontal lobe is torturing me and I’m surrounded by sociopaths.
Is a movie called Pie where the guy drills a hole in his head from this madness, and that crazy need for relief is so […]
Sometimes I feel like my depression is better, that this is just grief and anxiety. But even if it is, it doesn’t feel any easier. Maybe I can enjoy things more, sort of- I was able to paint this weekend- but on the other hand I can’t seem to write creatively. I had a short story due and for the first time since junior year of high school (about a decade ago), I missed a writing deadline. It was just like my brain wasn’t there. And while I can blame anxiety for my procrastination on my math homework, I can’t on the writing. Not fully. I […]
I was on the brink of turning to self harm once again for the second time this week (I’ve been trying extremely hard not to only because warmer seasons are coming up and its annoying when I get weird looks from people -.-) and i noticed how many fucking razor blades i have………..35…..idk…..i have a ton…..o-o…is this bad?? I know i need help but i just don’t want to get any let alone make my parents even more angry at me because they have to pay for therapy for their worthless little daughter.
I can’t do anything. I’m a waste of space and a burden. No one cares and I’m always ignored. I hate how everyday I just get worse and worse and no one sees. But then again, apart of me doesn’t want anyone to know. I hate how I always contradict myself everytime. I want to be happy but then I feel like I don’t deserve it. I want to be more open with people, get help but then I don’t. I just can’t do anything. I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I almost can’t find happiness in anything and all I want […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
All I could think about all day was how when I get my paycheck im gonna get some drugs and OD. Then, my grandma was so caring and attentive to me because Im sick. She made me tea, chicken soup, and told me to let her know if I needed anything else. Then, my uncle picked up a couple brews and came to shoot the shit for awhile and it was fun. How could I do that to such an awesome family? Just the burden of my funeral alone, let alone the emotional toll on them. Then, I think of my little brother and sister, […]
I found out a couple hours ago that I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. Needless to say, I have had panic attacks, and the Angels have became almost unbearable. I can’t see her tomorrow. I can’t see her ever. She’s going to get me. The Others are going to get me. Every session with her I’m restless, uncomfortable, and waiting for them to attack me.
They’re going to this time. Kemuel told me. He knows. I can’t go tomorrow, but my mother won’t let me miss another session. She’s letting them get me, she’s going to let them kill me. She’s part of them, and now I’m […]
Edit: I wrote this the other night when I was drunk, guess it’s just posted now…
In my current drunken state…we’re not as different as we feel. The people who we feel are far more “normal” as us are fighting similar battles as us. I’m sure I will feel far different as a sober me, but just know that the thoughts that bring us close to suicide are actually the same thoughts that bring us closer to others. In your moments of weakness and loneliness, try to have faith that you’re not as f-ed up and as alone as you feel….distant love to all <3.
I wish I was special.
I wish so many things.
But I’m a creep .
I’m a weirdo.
I do whatever makes me happy.
though it doesn’t last long.
What am I waiting for?
I should just be done with it and end it all right?
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
She ran.
So far away.
You’re so special.
You’re just like an angel.
I want you.
To notice.
I want a perfect soul.
I want a perfect body.
I wish I was special.
You’re so fucking special.
I don’t care if it hurts.
I don’t belong here. . .
I think I want to die but not because of sadness. I want to die because I can not live with myself. I […]
i feel empty
i feel nothing
i feel like nothing
there’s a void
a hole
and i don’t know how to fill it
how to fill this hole inside me
so deep
and dark
i feel no fear
i feel no sadness
i feel no happiness
no life
who am i???
So, im new here. Ive had manic depression since i was a child. But in the last few months ive been on a terrible low. I was thrown out of my house, due to an argument with a roomate that escalated to blows, they had a kid, they got to stay. So now im living in my parents basment, i lost my job when i lost my place. Realy the only thing keeping me sane at the moment are the chemicle kisses (drugs) and my childhood friend… But now he is trying to get clean… And i support his decision, drugs are bad…. Mkay? But […]