i am sick of loving people i will never have. it’s making me go insane. i need somebody that i like to like me back, for once. they never like me back. it’s always been like this, as long as i can remember.
I really don’t see the point of living anymore, I have a box inside my closet full of unfulfilled suicide letters…I was just to coward to go along with them, I really hate myself for letting my life continue like this it should of stopped a long time ago I give other people advice about how they should continue there life and how they just need to keep there up just a little more, But meanwhile I’m thinking of a way to die. My bestfriend thinks she knows what I’m going through, She doesn’t know the half of it nobody knows but me. I just […]
Before I get into all the crazy stuffs, that’s been happening in my life… I felt like I needed to vent a little about love problems.
For some reason I’ve always had girls who were too good for me interested in me. Like these are my dream type of girls and they like me for God knows what reason, I am a really secluded and shy guy though, and I am Korean American.
Yet because of all these crazy things happening in my life that has some to do with religion, I always bottled myself out from the outside world, since I changed starting at 17 or […]
if you saw my last picture and you see this you will notice a huge difference . This is what depression will do. I don’t do my hair anymore or take care of my self . Because I honestly just don’t have the energy. I’m not even the quite bit happy in this. That is a fake smile . You might not be able to see my skin and how drained it looks . The circles under my eyes .
When my friend showed me this I […]
I’m finally happy with my life…
Leaving a perfectly good and healthy relationship because my family didn’t like him. I listen to them. I listen to all the lies they put in my head. It wasn’t him who made me depressed and started to cut. It was the build up of all the pressure and stress my own family put on me. Him and I were together for 2 years, yes we argued but what we had was one of a kind. I could never find anything like it. When I left I tried to find love in other men but they always hurt me […]
Happy birthday to the one and only love of my life. No contact since 2008 but still the same love, always have been.
Everyone knows me as a cheery girl. They want to be me because they think I have no complications in my life. But it’s funny, because they don’t know anything about my life. Yes, I tell them funny stories that really happened in my life but that’s what they all know about my life. They don’t know how I am going through depression. They don’t know how I am crying at night over everything. They don’t know how it’s so hard to force a smile and fake a laugh. I always put on a mask of happiness of mine everytime I’m with them but there’s […]
Today is so shitty . And I don’t know why. I’m sad . And angry today . I’m so tired too . I’m sitting in the back at work because I feel like I’m gonna be sick. And I listen to this song . It reminds me of me . I’m sad . Life is horrible . and I don’t like my life . I don’t think I amhappy . I am happy when I get new clothes , or my love talks to me. or when I eat food . But other than that I hate life . I am always so fucking tired […]
This just doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve always been a very independent person who never really needed anyone. But now that I’ve lost him, it hurts so much to see his face everyday for almost 2 hours and everyday we make eye contact. It’s like we know nothing about each other, we went from lovers and best friends in one to nothing. We know everything about each other. I miss him, the late night conversations, and just the simplest things remind me of him. The way someone says something or the places I go. It bothers me, feels like I’ll never get over him. […]
Can’t take feeling this anymore. Unacceptable. Gotta change something. Do something.
So, what’s holding me back from living a worthwhile life?
Well, superficially, there’s all the minor health issues. Just enough to make me uncomfortable most of the time, without actually being severe enough to deserve medical attention (not that most of them are curable anyway.) Either my skin problems are flaring up. Or my stomach problems. Or my allergies. Or my insomnia. Or my back problems. The combination means I never feel well.
On top of that, there’s all the little embarrassing physical inadequacies (both real and perceived.) Because I need more reasons to feel inferior.
But let’s put […]
im so fucking tired of life. i really am. i just feel like the days are getting worse, and worse. And nothings gonna change. This past week I’ve found myself thinking about running away, or filling up my bath tub, and falling asleep in it. Or hanging myself in the bathroom, and im basically just trying to say, im really tired of life. im tired of me, an i really wish it could get better, but I no its not going to be..so I just want to end it. I just want it to end. I’m tired of going to school, and always feeling […]
the same end after any fight
tried to be a hero smash the bad guy , so guess what
back to cut again back to cry back to anger back to be a suicidal again ..! it’s not a big surprise I guess .. maybe just its who I am
a smashed one
I always have dreams about a friend who killed him self when he was on lsd. He took it and walked onto the interstate and ran in front of a car and died later in the hospital . We all knew he committed suicide . He always told us he wouldn’t live to see 21 but none of us knew he was depressed . But in my dreams he’s always giving me life talks and cheering me up . I really feel like it has a meaning. I really think he’s visiting me in a way .
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
i have to be in the rabb.it room please hmu on skype or something b4 trying to enter so i can get in there and let people in i would love to watch movies with people i just dont want to have to sit in the room and keep my finger crossed that someone joins me it does notify me in my email when someone tries to enter but by the time i check it its too late because i done missed whoever tried to get in whenever i get those notifications i do click the allow them in button but i always seem to […]
Why Dreams is better than reality?
Why is Dream better than reality?
Why is dreams better than reality? Why dream is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi / sci fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, MMORPG , Interstellar , The Matrix , Avengers , X-Men , etc etc, they are much more interesting, full […]
I hate feeling so incredibly happy at the start of the day only to feel so down by the end of it.
I woke up yesterday feeling hopeful about a new day. Listening to upbeat music and making good breakfast. After previous night’s failed attempt, I felt a little better about myself and thought that maybe everything’s gonna be alright.
I met up with my bestfriend before going to school, to atleast calm my nerves and reduce anxiety. She told me how she got extra money as educational assistance from the local gov’t, I was pretty excited about it too since I could use the money. (tbh […]
Thinking about my teen years makes me really sad . When I was a little younger a lot of my friends were couple of years older then me, in their 20s. And I did a lot of drugs with them.. Too much lsd and psychedelics, cocaine, smoked a lot of weed, pills. yeah you get the point . I honestly started not to care as a teen and after I was off drugs I was always really sad . I didnt have really friends when I went through this stage . I remember a time when I took a Xanax and two tabs of acid and […]
I know Salt posted a little while ago, and it seemed he was on his way over to the other side. I’m just curious, has anyone who speaks to him more often than I (which is pretty much never), heard anything? I’ve always gained inspiration from him, through my different alias here, and the world have lost a brilliant soul. He was a great man, and if he did finish the journey, I hope he is finally at peace. Thanks guys.
Before, I would fill with emotions until I could no longer hold anymore. When it would become too much, I would overflow and spill to whoever would sit long enough for me to empty.
Now, I expand for my surroundings. Once I have reached the brim, I become deeper to allow more issues to pour in. I am a bottomless bottle. I am no longer required to open up. It is not a necessity to empty, since there is always room for more. I am sealed.
Even if I become too full to carry on, I’m not sure I even know how to create a small leak to lighten […]