My life is complete shit. People love to say they give a fuck but as long as I can remember I’ve had a bad life. I’ve been abused molested bullied then I was finally a cool kid in hs but nobody knew I always was super depressed at home and I would do drugs and drink to cope but my mom never cared what I did. Then I dropped out of school….my mom never protected me from being molested she always turned the other cheek just like my sister even tho it’s her husband who did it. Then my mom said she didn’t want me […]
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always
Its been odd, havent posted in a while since ive been caught up in feelings and thoughts. But now ive hit a wall again and its not even for the usual causes. Normally i would fluctuate between feelings of extreme highs and lows, though lately ive been cruising in the neutral zone.
Ive dropped a lot of expectations and hopes, its made me look at things or losses as unavoidable but necessary. Where it used to cause me grief now i have a sense of understanding why things happened that way. Why people reacted to me and my condition. With that i no longer dwell […]
I cant stop crying right now….. I used to be depressed and i have been clean for the past few months.. Thinking thay the summer would make everything better. It didn’t i started cutting again and had to hide my scars with my ankle bracelet and my mom has seen them and she yelled at me but stopped caring. Nowone cares anymore and im always spending my time alone…… My mom is alwyas telling me that im screwing up all of the time and she always gets mad at everything i do. And i dont think i can wait till senior year to be free […]
This is not what i had expected. fuck it, fuck it. everything is ugly from the inside. I thought after getting a job many things will be fulfilled, i will take my revenge, become independent and move out and live on my own. But… nothing comes free. Everything comes with its own conditions and effects. eh, it changes you. Fuck, this is not what i had expected. nothing is fulfilled and everything is gone.
I hate my job. And it really has nothing to do with work pressure or office culture. I don’t know what I hate. But i’m hating it. I dread going to it. […]
Hadn’t been on here in awhile. Hadn’t cut in awhile either. I guess I was doing good. But now I’m sinking.
I just feel like ITS ME! Everything that goes wrong is because of me. I’m always the guilty party. When I try so hard.
I tell ppl all the time that Imma fckd up person. That they shouldn’t be involved with me. I can’t possibly be anything good in your life.
It’s hard to explain.
“Finally you are about to make it. Your life is in your hands and you’re decided to put an ending on it right now. But for some reason you don’t do it. You wait. You say to yourself repeatedly that that moment of despair will pass, and it does. You lied to yourself again. That moment where you were about to stop your suffering is gone. But you know you didn’t overcome it, you just forgot. Forgot for a brief and crucial moment that unbearable feeling, which was enough not for killing yourself momentaneously.
Your problems still are with you, your pain is lodged in […]
I wanna say thanks to you all for accepting me into this group. Never thought I’d find such amazing people that think just like I do. Not only that, but yall have the dignity to accept me for who I am and even though I’ll be dead this time next year and have a long way to go to get there (since I got a lot of funding to do), none of you told me DONT DO IT! That means a lot to me. Total validation and acceptance of my choice, and self ownership means a lot to me. As I plan my eventual end, […]
The girl that hides all behind a mask.
Fakes smiles and laughs when she gets hit and falls to the ground.
Telling her self its ok because one day she will be free.
But late at night crying and cutting her wrists to shit .
She ends up laying down and watches the blood leak from her wrists and wispers why me.
Why am I hated so much? It’s realy hard to breath in this fucked up world .
Why do guys hit me is it because I am nothing ?
Why dose my father hate me so much why cant he leave me be .
He tortured me abused me […]
I dont honestly know why im writing here for everyone to see, its not the kind of person i am to seek attention from anyone and that’s not really my intent. Ive had depression for majority of my life id say ever since high school with 3 attempts on my life however since then ive for the most part repressed as much as i could. I think im writing this literally to scream out my thoughts and how im feeling in the moment now and its just this overwhelming sense of helplessness and failure.
The Irony of this post is that i ‘should’ be okay, ive […]
My girlfriend doesn’t want to see me anymore as of yesterday.
She’s 20 years older than me, and is dealing with a lot of shit from her past marriage. I wanted move in and take care of her, which she wanted, too; but she’s stopped trying with us, and has decided to focus on the problems she had before we met.
I found myself briefly considering other women, but I feel numb. I loved her! I gave her everything I had, and I feel like I’m betraying her by considering other women! I feel like if I wait one more week, she’ll message me back and want me […]
I got so depressed that i started cutting again. its been a few months since i have but today i gave in. I never do it on my wrists, its always my legs because nobody can see it and get angry with me.
I’ve always worked at being a good person, being respectful of others etc. Some reason I just mess everything up. Everything I touch turns to shit. I don’t mean for it to be this way but I end up screwing it up anyway.
I’m to weak to deal with this grief and pain that I feel. I’m a burden to everyone around me and a pathetic excuse for a person. What’s the point in hanging on for better days when they don’t come. I have never meant to hurt anyone I was just born a loser
My Lord God, I have no idea where I’m going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end….Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
Damn, in the last couple months I have been: fired, arrested, evicted, quit opiates cold turkey, and whatever else has gone wrong. Despite it all I’m doing alright. Working 16hrs. a day processing fish making good money. Free room and board and have made a bunch of awesome friends. Me and the homie went to look at apartments today and to look for permanent jobs. Life could be worse for me is all I’m saying, and I know it is worse for many of you. I’m sorry if you are in pain. All I can say is when life gives you lemons make lemonade, and […]
I don’t know my family very well. I’m not very close to anyone, no cousins no friends.
My whole life I wished for that closeness to someone. My dad left my mom when I was very young, she would always choose her boyfriend (at the time) over me.
I ended up in homeless shelters before I was 18. I didn’t know how to love or except anyone. I was so jealous of people with their happy family and close sibling relationships.
I became a raging alcoholic while trying to keep myself financially stable, wishing that death would find me soon.
I ended up at the […]
I’m sick of people.. And no one likes me. I’m tired of always trying to fit in. People come and go, does anyone really actually stay? And if they do stay, it’s only little interaction, just little thoughts like “i haven’t talked to this person in a while, I guess I’ll see how they’re doing.” And so you talk for maybe 4 messages back and forth and then they leave again. And you sit there optimistically like “oh okay, talk later then”… That hardest part is accepting that, they’re much more apart of your life than you are to theirs.
Imma go pound on my keyboard now. Have […]
I am getting ready. I just want somewhere to say it. I can’t tell my friends excitedly about my plans, so I’ll tell you all.
I filed for residency last week. I will get my ID here soon. Then I can buy a pistol. I already have one chosen. Then I can take a concealed carry class and always feel safe, knowing death is always close if I need it. Though I still intend to wait until january, the weight and surety of a gun both soothes me and revs me up. Six more months. Six more months and I’m allowed to quit.
Just six more months.
So […]
everyone around me is leaving me behind. Friends getting married and graduating college. Meanwhile im struggling to find who i am which is fucking stupid because im 24 i should fucking know. I dont belong anywhere im just lost. Im generally a good person help people out when i can. Im even a fucking vegan. That should count for somenthing rigth? Nope the universe hates me. Everytime i choose a path it seems to be the wrong one. Crummy relationships , unsuitable career, even my hair is bad.i know there is people with bigger problems but Im tired of always failing im done trying i […]
I am a 16 year old girl (will be 17 in 2 days), and well, what can i say, i am depressed and have suicidal tendencies.
Though i probably have everything, perfect scores, bunch of friends, money, and complete family, i feel this emptiness inside me. Every single day i know and i feel that something is eating away my hope inside me. I dont have the spark in my eyes anymore. I’d cry my eyes out until i fall asleep, i overthink it kills me, and i am highly emotional. I get angry and sad in a matter of seconds.
Perfect scores doesnt mean im happy. […]
i have cut for along time but my boyfriend is starting to get on me about why? how come i wanna die? i know that i feel fat nasty gross annoying! i feel like im always in the way! life is kicking me in the butt!! i grew up at a young age and i had to always be strong but now i dont sleep at night!! i feel alone all the time! but i dont wanna talk to people about my issues because i feel that they are stupid and i shouldnt be freaking about them! i dont know how to feel! can i […]