I’ve always wondered why during my darkest times can I never pick up the phone and call a friend? Is it pride? lack of will? or just plain embarrassment?
I don’t know why the days that I need someone’s help are the days I just wanna lock myself in the room and be alone. It just seems so counterintuitive and yet I do it over and over again.
Why is it that we prefer to suffer alone? Is it just me?
Why is it so scary to admit that you are sad? Sometimes I almost avoid ppl just so they won’t notice how depressed I […]
the vampire diaries is her favorite show, so here i am, on a saturday night, by myself as always, watching this show and seeing all of these romantic loving relationships, something i wanted so badly with her. i refuse to live my life without her, i cant do it. the only reason im being a miserable loser here is because i wont allow anybody close to me know that i feel this way. once i grow a pair and actually decide to end it, theyll never see it coming.
I my name is G.O. and i have 15 years, i know dat maybe im too young, but my life has been shit since mmmm ever?My family is so f***** up, my dad is a bastard, since i was 4 he would always beat me up and my mum would only say”ohh it’s your fault, u know how is ur father” … 3 years ago my dad divorced from that slut of my mum”she was a gold digg, i could always see her wit some dude, my dad didn t care, he was whoring 2…”
Then at 12 i thinked that i could become happy witout […]
Ah man, the 2 year mark is closing in on me. It’s gonna be here so fast, i don’t even have proper time to prepare myself. It’ll just hit me, like everything hits me.
Like the memories that creep in, late at night. Or the details i don’t want to forget. Or the feelings, the emotions, every little thing my heart and soul feel. It always hits me, when i’m least prepared. Late nights, lonely late nights.
There’s still so much sadness.
And then there’s anger.
Because for fucks sake, i hate it when people ask if “im over it yet”. Or when people say we […]
I feel like I am always searching for a place to fit in. Just to blend in with all the other people that fit in. But all I manage to do is watch them; Envy them; Pretend that I am like them.
I feels like I am just watching life from behind a glass. I can see what’s going on but I can’t join..I can’t touch them, I am never going to be one of them. There is always Something separating me from them. I don’t exactly know how to describe it. It is invisible and yet when I reach out I can touch it, […]
There’s always so much talk about painless ways to go… Does anyone here fantasise about more violent deaths? I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang. I want to stare death in the face and welcome it with a smile. I want the last thing I feel to be adrenaline streaming through my veins.
I’ve lost yet another person who meant a lot to me. One of the few people who truly encouraged, inspired and believed in me. His funeral is tomorrow, and I don’t know if I can deal with it. He was a close family member, and our bound was something I took pride in. He became paralyzed at 19 through a swimming accident. He’s been quadriplegic ever since I can remember. I never saw him through his disability/handicap. I saw him for the person he was. From a really young age I started taking care of him when he needed help. He came to be someone […]
Why do people always tell you to just be happy? My ex always used to tell me that if I act happy I’ll eventually be happy.
Thats such bullshit though. I hate it. If you go through your whole life just faking a smile, how are people supposed to know the real you? Oh right, no one really cares about the real you. Do you believe that there are genuinely people out there that not only just accept your flaws but actually love them?
Let’s see where to start when everything is wrong
My life is a mess and it seems to just get worse
I try to work it out I try to fake a smile
Every time I see the shimmer of light
I get dragged back down into this darkness
Inside my chest is this hole that never seems to heal
Despite my efforts and my attempts it’s the same
Gashed open arms stapled shut
Medication overdose, drowning
Always being found before it’s to late
Dragged to the hospital yet another week
In solitary alone under suicide watch
Every attempt always the same
What’s the point of saving someone
Who doesn’t even want to be here in the first place
Why […]
I’ve been feeling more than just a little down the last few days. I’ve always known that my MDD will come and go, regardless of the good and bad things in my life. The state of the world these days just seems to indicate there is no viable solution to the hate and killing. Why stick around and continue the vicious cycle?
This is One Blood by Terence Jay. A good representation of my attitude.
I used to be so much. I used to be a firefighter and when i would show up on the scene of a suicide I would always wonder how low does someone have to be to do that. I understand now. I have so much hate built up inside. The things that I once loved have turned away from me. The woman i love would rather be beat by a drug addict than be with me. I stay around for my mom, but it’s getting so bad I’m sure she would be better off without me too. I want to see my sister she’s been […]
My mom has always hated me i have no dad.no one will miss me for sure.I thino about suicide everyday I think of new ways to do it.please help me. Someone love me
Hi every miserable self loathing being! Don’t let your youth be the end of you. Believe it or not, its the best part of your life. It gets much worse as life grinds on and on. I’m 38 and have suffered chronic depression as long as I can remember. My youth was filled with constant bullying and a knowledge of being less than. I have always been overweight, unattractive and poor. Looked upon and treated like a lepper.
People always say your a great guy, smart, fun, nice, blah blah blah. But when the chips are down, its just me. Holding the bag while they all […]
For the past year everything has been going wrong. I keep falling down deeper and deeper, I don’t even know what the light of hope looks like anymore. My senior year was supposed to be my year to shine but it wasn’t, from start to end everything screwed up. Apart of me feels like god has really forgotten about me this time, of everything that has happened I have the need to look past him and wonder if I should even question his existence. In September, a month after school started I got into a school bus accident with an eighteen wheeler, I got seriously […]
How i fricking miss you and your texts. How i fricking miss how we talked for hours. How you came after me. How we liked each other. How we would go home together. How you would ***** about her to me. Now tables have turned. Im lonely. You are with her. Everywhere. So close. I never was. So physically close. Do you like that. But i didnt want to freak you out. I could have flirted with you the way she always does. But i didnt want to be her. But now you prefer her dont you. You dont even say hi. You fricking dont […]
I’ve come to hate the daylight. As much as I hate loneliness, being alone in the dark late at night feels so much more secure. I guess that is the time when people can’t mess with me as much – they’re all off in their dreams and resting. I don’t sleep much anymore anyway; except sometimes during the day when it serves the purpose of keeping the rest of the world away from me.
It’s a bad thing to do I know. Isolation feeds depression and anxiety, but I know myself well enough to know that I won’t always choose what’s right just because I know […]
I’m broken, I have been for so long… but I really feel it more than ever. Which is strange because I should feel happy, our family dog was missing for weeks and was found safe and returned last week, I finally got a job after so long of searching that i started today, my college graduation is this week, and yet… it all feels pointless.
I feel worse than ever and I’ve felt so bad before, I’ve come so close to just trying (and succeeding) in ending […]
I’ve never been the kind of girl that you would look at and know deep down she wants to kill herself. I got straight A’s, was social and love to perform in front of people. I guess I always have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts though. To me it has always been a matter of when I would do it. I guess in the back of my mind I have always known that something was wrong with me when I would have to fake laugh with my friends but at any given moment I could have just stopped and been emotionless or when I […]
I’m never good enough, I never make the right decisions, according to everyone else. I managed to pull A’s and B’s out of my ass when my mother passed away. I went back to classes two weeks after my entire life was destroyed before my eyes and yet I passed a university semester with flying colors. So, I tell my parents, being my step mother and father that I want to take an aerial silks class to, you know..do something for myself for once. I am a straight A student, I personal train three days a week and I hold a really good job, and […]
Right now, as of this moment and the myriad of moments preceding this one, I am terrified.
Why? I don’t know.
I suffer from a fear that I cannot name or pinpoint.
It’s not a fear of something real. It’s not a rational fear, proportionate to the degree of danger I’m facing.
It’s an all-consuming entity, enraptured with me and enveloping me in its inescapable grasp.
I work a job, something that I’ve been able to manage (to some extent) for about a year and a half now.
I’m about to start a new work schedule, and I’m working a bit more than I’m used to.
Even though I know I can […]