she was my motivation for college. now shes gone. i am nothing. there is no point anymore.
when my stuff i ordered online gets here, I’m done. my mom is making fun of the way i am feeling, calling my dad and my aunt telling them I can’t clean my apartment, I’m sorry I’m depressed and my mom is making fun of me for it
ANIMALS ARE PUT DOWN AND GIVEN PEACEFUL DEATHS WHEN THEY ARE IN PAIN AND HUMANS ARE FORCED TO SUFFER AND ARENT EVEN ALLOWED TO WILLINGLY AND PEACEFULLY END THEIR OWN LIFE IT MAKES ME FURIOUS JUST ANOTHER REASON I HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD AND HUMANITY. ….ANYWAYS I found online a pill called the peaceful pill and it is supposed to be the best way to go and i am so happy i found it it would give me great peace of mind knowing i could be able to use this method….does anybody know about this pill ,how i can get it (from what i have […]
If I went back a year in time i would have certainly made many more drastic decisions that would have prevented me from getting to this point in life, and yet here I am. I have everything to live for, except for the will or enthusiasm. one year ago today i fell into a fugue state that has kept me from feeling anything. I am operating only on my left brain. The analytical side. The smart side. The correct side. And I am finally i am considering its intentions. I am considering that in one year if i am still alive i will only wish […]
so update, i know its been a long time since my last one, but here it is :
my cuz kicked me out, after i told her that she is a **** faced lying *****, i went into a treatment facility twice in the span of three weeks, and lost my job because of it, along with a seperate issue, i am living with a friend now, but i cant find a job within walkin distance to help with the bills. and i relapsed tonight severly, i have been toying with the plan to drink a cup of lavender cleaner, i am deathly allergic to […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97S66xee0U8
August 31st.
I’m sitting here on my chair, thinking about ME and MY pathetic life as usual. Given the fact that today is my birthday just makes me feel ”ultra sad”. Birthday usually symbolize the day of you being bought upon this world so you can ”celebrite” it. But in my definition of birthday is totally different, the thought of birthday makes me sad, what have i got to celebrite for? Being forced to live in this world? All I did was making my birth mother suffered, being pushed out of her womb as she scream in absolute pain is something to be happy for? Enough […]
I’ve started counceling the other week, and the second session she asked me why i cannot keep eye contact with anyone.. I didn’t explain to her why .. once somebody told me it kills them to look into my eyes because all they see is pain.. She also began to tell me i have created a well put together mask and she cannot figure it out. I don’t believe i need to go to counceling, I have nothing to talk to her about. Am i suppose to sit there and tell her how constantly i plan out my suicide, how perfectly it is put […]
went to my first therapist session today. …
yeah i really can’t do this. i thought so seriously about killing myself afterwards. i mean, not more seriously than i have before. it’s just… i can never explain to anyone how this feels. i hate everything, and i try so fucking hard all the time to just get along
but i’m stupid, and i make mistakes, and everything is just so goddamn pointless and i never get any joy out of anything and i know people want me here now but i still don’t care, and i guess i hate myself for that, too, but what am […]
Wonder if anyone will ever read this? Long story, short I’ve been severely crippled in a motorcycle crash. Life for me has been changed drastically since I awoke from the coma. Life like this seems pointless however I have 2 children. Shit I can rant and rave about what the last 3 1\2 years have been like but what good will it do? I should have died that day, I don’t want to continue this way! I have guns but am too much of a ***** to pull the trigger on myself and would like to obtain ******** but I’m still trying to find a […]
Coming up on that date, August 30th, that night last year when I should have (and maybe actually did) die.
I still go back there often not to remember that night but for other reasons unrelated.
So what has happened in a year? I believe I am here for a reason. I found out some people care, some don’t. Overall, I could still be happy leaving this world,, although I have found someone to love, and someone I know loves me, which makes things different in a […]
This is my first post, i have been reading some other stories & feel very much connected to the feelings expressed…. Want to share my story…. I have seriously contemplated ending my life on many occassions… But i am also a procrastinator :)), so i am still here….
I have been poisoned… By mercury: in my teeth, from fillings…. From vaccinations…. In the womb, from my mother’s tooth fillings…. From eating fish… From people burning coal and polluting the air and water….
Mercury is the most powerful neurotoxin on earth… Mercury amalgam fillings were used in the nazi […]
I walked away so long ago
left my heart and soul buried somewhere in the snow.
Frozen forever, as cold as ice
what is left of me is not so nice.
Try to warm me up
I will swallow you whole
trying to fill this empty hole.
Heartless is what I am
so I have locked me away
I dont want to destroy you
like they destroyed me.
I want you to fly
and to be as free as a bird
to sing your beautiful song
soaring high above the earth.
I want you to laugh and smile
to feel the warmth of the sun
would it work? I think it might, I just don’t know the side effects. I’m 25 now and have been struggling with my depression anxiety and mania since I was 11. They added borderline personality disorder as a comorbid to my bipolar II when I was 20. I just don’t have it in me anymore to do this. I am a coward, and don’t want it to hurt. I already hurt enough all the time. So I want death to be painless. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I just want to sleep forever and ever. And that makes me […]
I know what you are thinking, you are depresed cause you broke up.
Well yes i am, i started dating my couple on 13/4/2013, as you can guess for me it was quite hard to get a couple i had to decide if i needed a guy or a girl (that was actually realy realy hard to me cause in the inside i want to be loved and protected and cared, but in the outside im still male so i have to wear that mascarade of strongness and self security, so yeah for me it was a riddle, and still, anyway…) i met many people in […]
My life went to shit in my early 20’s after my mom had turned my dad into a psycho and i thought he was the bad guy until i realized what an evil human being my mother is. now i am almost 30 and Her being evil has ruined my life in so many ways i cannot even descibe the anger i feel thinking about it. I had a great childhood and never had any extreme hatred towards my mom until after they divorced and my dad kicked me out of his place for not having a job and stealing a bit of money which […]
Lately I’ve been passing time by watching reality television. Before i never watched it and thought it was stupid. It is stupid and ridiculous but somehow watching rich white people is ridiculously hilarious at this point in life. Watched secret princes and am watching nyc prep.
Went to Baltimore a few weeks back, it was fun and nice to be out of my hellhole of a house. moving this week though art of me wants to give up. get up drink meds go to work get up drink meds, go to work. time passes and either way i must be getting closer to death.
Eating to pass […]
I watched this movie today called gimmie shelter.the girl basically had a hard life crazy mother rich dad who didnt want her.but in the end she got her happy ending.i would say only in the movies but this was based off a true story.what i wonder is why cant i ever get things right.this girl probably still has worries and hardships but her life will still be better than mine. Cause she got the help she needed.im twenty one all i think about is suicide and its starting to seem like thats all i know.and that would be great except ive never made […]
Hey everyone, I don’t know if anyone here knows who Frank Iero is but I absolutly adore him. Last year he made a demo of a song called ‘joyriding’. The song, and the lyrics, is so breathtaking beautiful, relateble and feels so true. Let’s just say I cried and listen to it on repeat when It came out. And now, he has released it as a real single for his upcoming album! Thought Id share it.
Lyrics:
i’m not sure what they said, but if it’s true i’ll bet it’s just one more thing i’ll regret. i hate my weaknesses, they made me who i am. “yea, […]
some times i think that theres some one there looking over me or something like just behind me juging me and crying for me can i feel it or am i just crazey
How sick does one have to be in order to qualify for assisted suicide medications. I really have nothing to live for and am basically a log in my bed. I don’t want to die in pain. I want to be at peace when I go. I was planning on getting Helium tomorrow but I have read that that method fails if not done right. I want it to be successful the first time around and dont want to survive the attempt only to be sick and have an excruciating headache. This isn’t a cry for help or an attempt at getting sympathy. I just […]