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back to the old house

by death bunny 7/24/2015

written by death bunny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbgdCzGfFt4

today we finished bringing all of my stuff back to my old room where i grew up, in my parents’ house. for two years i tried escaping this place, and six months ago i succeeded. then depression took hold of me once again, and now i’m back here. crushed between these four walls i’m hurt. i can’t handle the bureaucracy ending the contract of my old place. i am tired. i am broken. it feels like the world is slipping through my fingers. i need a quiet place to put my head for a while and forget about everything, and the old house isn’t […]

7/24/2015 2 comments

My life, Chapter 1 (age zero to 5)

by wndozh8er 7/24/2015

written by wndozh8er

I was scrolling though my calendar on my iPad, remembering dates. As I scrolled it seemed like life flashed before my eyes. Where did I go wrong? I have a great memory so I looked at all the months of my life (December 1983 till now) and counted the good times and bad.

I heard my first two years of my life was very chaotic. I don’t think I have any memories at all back then. My parents got divorced when I was two.

One of my first memories as a child was in the summer of 1986. My mother (who is a psychopath herself) was fighting […]

7/24/2015 4 comments

Guilty

by anotherfailure 7/24/2015

written by anotherfailure

I am so used to of being sad, depressed, etc that it has become my comfort zone. Perhaps it wasn’t that bad back then, you know, sometimes i still be able to feel happy, shut my emotions off but when i turn it on again, BOOM, all the negativity come flooding back it overwhelms me. Then, things got worse. I stopped trying to feel happy. I let myself being sad all the time. Now, that everything is starting to work out for me, I feel guilty. I feel guilty, for I know there are a lot of people out there not feeling the same.

7/24/2015 3 comments

I was okay

by Sammi6xoxo 7/23/2015

written by Sammi6xoxo

For the first time in a while, I was smiling. It wasn’t fake. I was okay. I had found some form of peace. Then I made one crucial mistake. I went to see my father. Of course. I couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could I? Now I’m right back where I started. Like all of the progress I’ve worked so hard to make has shattered in front of me. It was only a matter of time, but damn.. So soon?

Fuck it.

7/23/2015 12 comments

Being human is a luxury I can no longer afford.

by The One Who Killed Them All 7/23/2015

written by The One Who Killed Them All

Be human, they always said. Even when they held me in that bed and punctured my skin with some rusty nails. Be human, they repeated, as they tattooed that triangle in my back and told me that I would be perfect…with those…those things in my head and a black ooze in my veins. They said that those voices that haunted me were just computers repeating what I though, feeding from a certain emotion that they were made to target. Then they said I was the perfect hunter, the pacifier that would save mankind. They said that I was going to be the one that would […]

7/23/2015 2 comments

Why me?

by silentshadow107 7/22/2015

written by silentshadow107

I look in the mirror and see someone I don’t know. I try really hard to get up everyday, but it is soo hard. I go to school, but I don’t see the point, it’s getting me know where. Applying for jobs is a lot easier said then done. I found out today that my mother helped my sister’s boyfriend find a job and he got it. After she promised that she would help, and she through me under the bus last mouth. She let me do an interview at a school that would have helped me get a degree and I would have had […]

7/22/2015 6 comments

Sometimes YOU have to be the “Change” …

by Dawg 7/22/2015

written by Dawg

… and it’s true.

I was just told this by my GF after she ran through the checklist of all my failures and shortcomings. As if I was completely unaware and aloof of how utterly fucked I am and have been for the last few years. Now, I’m sure she means to somehow motivate me or in some other way try to light a fire under my ass to somehow ferret my way to at least a treading water type of existence in some clever way – she’d be ecstatic if I could manage that.

What’s funny (ironic/weird type funny … and in a twisted way funny ha […]

7/22/2015 26 comments

grawr

by darkwillow 7/22/2015

written by darkwillow

I’m sick of people.. And no one likes me. I’m tired of always trying to fit in. People come and go, does anyone really actually stay? And if they do stay, it’s only little interaction, just little thoughts like “i haven’t talked to this person in a while, I guess I’ll see how they’re doing.” And so you talk for maybe 4 messages back and forth and then they leave again. And you sit there optimistically like “oh okay, talk later then”… That hardest part is accepting that, they’re much more apart of your life than you are to theirs.

Imma go pound on my keyboard now. Have […]

7/22/2015 2 comments

back at the bottom

by missti sal 7/21/2015

written by missti sal

it has been many months since i last posted on this website and i honestly thought i was getting better. Then, BAM!!! life gets you down once again and you find yourself asking the same meaningless question : ‘why me?’.

first i lost my family and simultaneously i started to fail my modules and have my bursary tugged away. i keep trying. i keep trying to pull myself up again but i dont understand why i need to suffer so much. so far my career is all i have left but now even that is fading from my life. it isnt like im not trying or […]

7/21/2015 1 comment

My relationship is being bludgeoned over and over by my inaction in slow motion.

by Trapped in My Head 7/21/2015

written by Trapped in My Head

It feels like ages ago that I met my boyfriend, only it’s only been a matter of weeks. That time, I was still paying for my own rent with my part time job, and going for a language class.

I was contented with my life that time, because I lived in the same city as my younger sister, who was attending university there. I was new to the city myself, so I had no friends except those I saw in class. It was hard to talk to them more than just “schoolmates” so it was bland for my tastes. I decided to get some folks to […]

7/21/2015 1 comment

What’s your story?

by marine105 7/20/2015

written by marine105

Hey guys, I just thought of something random and was wondering if you’d like to join in:

QUESTIONS:

1) describe the nature of your mood, whether it be miserable or ecstatic

2) describe what you think is going to happen to you, and then what you want to happen to you

I’ll start:

1) I don’t even know if I have a ‘mood’ anymore. I think my subconscious has virtually blocked all emotions in order to protect my conscious mind from telling me to skip off a bridge. I have skeletons in my closet that I simply cannot banish from existence, and the demons that emanate from them grow daily; […]

7/20/2015 7 comments

The drowning girl

by thedrowninggirl08 7/18/2015

written by thedrowninggirl08

Once there was a girl, a happy girl, full of life and love. She would look on ahead at the future she would experience with joy and excitement. Nothing could touch her.
She went on, loving each day more than the last. Until a darkness touched her. She no longer looked in the mirror to see that smiling young girl looking back at her. Instead she saw death. These days continued, the death growing stronger in her eyes, consuming her will to live. It suffocated her, drowned her in a way that no one could see. She turned away from her friends, thinking all she […]

7/18/2015 1 comment

I Want To Die

by -M- 7/17/2015

written by -M-

I can’t take anymore of this life. I can’t take the back and forth feeling of being happy to being depressed/suicidal. I don’t want to keep getting like I don’t belong anywhere and that I am a worthless waste of space. Please someone just kill me already because I am unable to do it myself.

7/17/2015 2 comments

She led me to this…

by captainzomb1e 7/17/2015

written by captainzomb1e

I won’t bore you with a backstory. But it’s not good – abuse, death etc. etc. Back in November I fell in love with this girl. I’d been in long and serious relationships before but this was a very different feeling. After things went, for want of a better word, tits up I gave up on the idea. When I found out it wouldn’t work I got severely depressed. It also sparked OCD, insomnia and anxiety. I felt a little better one day and developed a relationship with someone else however my feelings for her faded and the feelings for the first girl came back […]

7/17/2015 0 comment

Day 1

by FedupwithLife 7/17/2015

written by FedupwithLife

It takes 3 days for this to take effect. Heh, fooled them into thinking I actually ate today.

I’m done with what they’re saying. They never wished they had me? Well good, I never wanted them as pathetic emotionally abusive parents either.

So I’m doing both of us a huge favor.

Funny thing, both of them were attacking me today. They wanted to push me into action so I can finally take the exam? Even if I do pass (with my critically low ‘danger of failing’ score on the exit hesi) and get a job as a nurse, I don’t truly care about people, since why the hell […]

7/17/2015 5 comments

Rome Wasn’t Destroyed In A Day

by ifuckedthequeen 7/16/2015

written by ifuckedthequeen

Burn It All

Went to a live concert last night. Pretty good show. The frontman really knows how to put on a show. Not bad at all. When I get to that point I’m going to blow people away. See, when I go to shows it’s selfish. I go only so that I can visualize myself on the same stage seeing myself doing the same things better. Seeing what things I like regarding lighting and acoustics and even the performance. I pick up […]

7/16/2015 2 comments

Confessions of a Psycho-Stalker

by NotAttentionSeeking 7/16/2015

written by NotAttentionSeeking

My whole world came crashing down today when I realised my whole world is not what it seemed and I am really in fact a stalker. It all started around two or three years ago, when I took a dance class with a dance teacher I never had before. I had not even walked into the room and I believe he was staring at me with awe in his eyes. I notice that he would pay special attention to me in class and when he told us to freestyle he looked uncomfortable but it as though he was getting turned on. This uncomfortable look was […]

7/16/2015 4 comments

Being pre-everything trans teen

by Skeleton100 7/15/2015

written by Skeleton100

drowning in your flesh

rotting in a cage

constant fear of mirrors

nausea when you look in one

dreaming about slicing off bad body parts and sewing on good ones

inability to look at a cis-person

feeling like a turd when your mom tells you to suck it up and quit begging for attention

envisioning yourself as a good-looking ideal-bodied person and feeling like the shit…but then the fantasy collapses and you’re back to square one with your awkward wrong body

It’s pretty unbearable. I can’t even get hormones for probably several years since my parents aren’t too supportive. I have an appointment with a gender therapist in two months, and that’s only […]

7/15/2015 1 comment

Here comes goodbye.

by cant.fixme 7/15/2015

written by cant.fixme

I’m the kind of person that get really get attach to someone who cares for me. Like if we start talking for a while and becomes a routine it’ll become like a part of me. So eventually, when you decide out of the blue that your going to leave and not say a word it’s going to hurt, of course not knowing what i did or didn’t do that made you run away from me of fucking course that it’s going to hurt. Because the other night it was all laughing smiles and love and now it’s ( i don’t even think i can name […]

7/15/2015 4 comments

A little something that helps me.

by Aguy14 7/14/2015

written by Aguy14

I started smoking cigarettes a few months back and found myself becoming addicted to nicotine (as you’d expect). I find that giving in to the addiction helps, when you’re craving something and you get it you tend to feel better, even if just for a short time. The idea is based around something I saw in trainspotting, the main character says that when you’re on heroin all you worry about is scoring and when you’re off it you start to worry about a whole lot of other things. I know there is a great difference between a heroin addiction and a nicotine one but they […]

7/14/2015 4 comments

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