I am over living. I feel empty. I see other people smiling and being happy and I feel nothing. I feel like ending my life and disappearing. The only things i feel is sadness and pain. My family is threatening me if I don’t stop cutting they are sending me back to the hospital. I know they are trying to help but I like being sad and I like cutting. I have only felt sadness and pain and I am afraid if I keep living I am going to kill who I am because just being alive hurts. I want to be me when I […]
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I guess it all started when I was sixteen; funny thinking how long ago it seems even though I’m only 20 now, Or maybe before. I was never happy as a kid, dad never around, mom always at work, an abusive grandfather. It was when I was sixteen that I decided to do something about it. I ran away. I ran away from Arizona and took the greyhound to long beach. I don’t know what my actual plan was once I got there but regardless everything went wrong. I ended up having to get surgery to save my life and spent almost the whole month […]
I have been depressed since I was very young. I’ve had bad and better periods, but it has always been there. I have accepted for awhile now that I will commit suicide at some point. The only thing that has ever held me back is the few people in my life who I care about, who care about me. I feel like a ticking time bomb, and that the longer I wait the more it will hurt others when I do it. I try pushing them away, but they see what I’m doing and try to comfort me by saying they care. They don’t realize […]
I’m new here..
I need to spill how i feel: alone. I recently graduated from uni and moved back to LA with my parents. Ive realized that i have no friends. And the few people i believed were my friends dont seem to want to see me. 6 months ago my bf of 6 years broke up with me. Its been so hard to deal with. I guess its better since i was always dragging him down with my sadness. My eating disorder (bulimia) is worse than ever. Ive been this way 7 years. I have been trying to get treatment but the treatment centers are […]
My name is Kaitlyn and I am currently 17 years old.
I’ve never written about my suicide story before so bear with me.
The cutting and suicidal thoughts all started in 8th grade when I found out that my mom was an alcoholic. I blamed myself and thought that everything was my fault. Since she was going through pain, I deserved it too. I would cut myself just deep enough to leave a mark. (Those cuts later got to the point where I was scared that I would need stitches.) I went through all of 8th and 9th grade, keeping everything inside and not talking to anyone. […]
I am such trash. I just got out of a treatment center for the 7th time for my anorexia and you know what’s changed? Fuck nothing. In fact, I want to end my life now more than I have in then before I went. I am fine during the day because I have things to distract me but once I am alone, the creeping reality sets back in.
I am never going to get better. I took this treatment more seriously then I ever have in the past, was completely open and honest, and tried harder than ever before. But nothing has changed. I STILL want […]
Well looks like I’m back, you can never truly escape depression. Its just a horrible thing. It clings onto you and hides until it feels like striking sometimes it never goes away. I guess mine never went away. It’s amazing. I’m 15 now. Been a while since I’ve been on here. Ha.
Don’t know where my life is heading me. Don’t evn know how to live. Every thought, each feeling, every emotion is now jumbled up. M into deep darkness…. want to come out of it. Trying…. but not able to. Somebody plsss advice how can i overcome this suicidal feeling. long back i attempted it twice. Aft that gradually everything become settled. But again with his ignorance towards me & getting closer to another lady pulled me back to 7-8 years ago. Same problem is arising again. I cnt evn trust myself now. Hv loose all my hope n wish for death every moment. Each second […]
Why is that I feel so scared and so paranoid now that he’s cheated on me twice. I feel as if I were back in when I had a abusive relationship but different. Why is that I feel that way? Is there something wrong with me? I mean I could just trust him again. But I’m scared to do that. Like what if he does it again. What if my friends are right? What if I am just letting him get away with it? Help me please I dont know what to do or feel . I should let it go shouldn’t I ?
I doubt I posted often enough previously for anyone to have taken notice that I haven’t posted anything for some time now… The simple explanation is that I did not feel the need to. Every negative feeling for some reason subsided for a while, I was happy-ish. My boyfriend and I were getting along well, I finally managed to fit in amongst decent people.. Then I got admitted to hospital.
For physical reasons only was I admitted for three weeks, which took its toll I suppose. I was discharged a few days ago and honestly I’ve never felt worse. My boyfriend has decided once again to […]
“That must’ve been a doozy,” said Mrs. Bergeron to her son Melvin. “I think your ears are bleeding a little.”
Of course Melvin couldn’t hear her until the ringing subsided, but he could see that she was doing her best to show compassion.
“I’m ok, Ma. Gosh, that was a doozy.”
“That’s what I said,” she repeated. “Must’ve been a doozy.”
“What must’ve been?”
“I can’t remember,” she answered, shrugging as she had done so many times before. Being precisely at the National average level of intelligence, she didn’t need to wear a Brain Handicapper like her slightly-above-average-intelligence sons. So she could only guess what the loud disruptions sounded like–that […]
This is my first time doing this and thanks to those who read it. I dont really share my feelings but i thought i should give it a try. I don’t know why someone at age 20 feels the way that I do. Ever since my dad passed away when i was 11 I have felt empty. I was my bestfriend and my role model. He suffered from drug abuse and was clean for a year, then went to a hotel off the parkway, overdosed, and killed himself. Every time I think about it I blame myself(& I know many people say that there is […]
I get unnecessarily blamed for everything by my EX best friend for the last year. She’s a fucked up little girl who walks all over people and uses them, then twists it on you making you feel like you’re at fault and that you’re a piece of shit. For real, this time, I don’t think we’ll talk again. This time she’s gone too far, showing up at my house and laying her hands on me trying to fight me. All because her friend got in a fight with her ex over some stupid shit and was upset, therefore I’m a bad friend for hanging out […]
Today I woke up and felt like dying. This isn’t unusual anymore. It took me a while before I talked myself into pulling back the duvet and putting on a shirt. Everyone thinks I’m fine. I smile and try to laugh, but laughing seems like a pathetic attempt at breathing lately. I’ve felt so alone, even in a room full of people. I hardly see the point of carrying on anymore. What’s the point of trying if I’m going to die anyway? I like to think of myself like a glass vase that someone dropped. You can pick the broken glass up and glue it back […]
I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember – A Fake! Walking around…all smiles, but deep down I want to scream.I know, I know…gotta see the glass as half full and all. But then I ask why? I haven’t been suicidal but I’m also not “living the life”. I can try to pick myself up but at the back of my head I ask why. Its tiring. It seems I prefer to be a zombie. I dont have to talk that way. I don’t have to put up with pretenses. People pretending to care. People commenting on trivial shit because […]
Not sure how to go back.
To the time and place of contentment.
Always looking forward to something.
Sanguine.
Fastforward. Decades pass.
Alone and disconnected.
Betrayed by God
Not having the common decency to exist.
Just as well. Turns out, he’s a dick.
Betrayed by life partner.
A wound that will never heal.
Powerless to trust or forgive.
The cyclops has no will to live.
Today I woke up to a very shitty morning and a job I hate. I don’t hate the job per se but I just lost interest in the things that I used to hold dear. I posted a part of my story on here a few days back so I don’t wanna regurgitate any of my erst while ramblings. But for those reading a post by me for the first time, I mentioned how I’d dropped out, lost my job a couple years ago after being decimated by a bout of depression. I took to vagabondage and sloth after that dreadful scenario because I had […]
The leaves blow gentle through that quiet night,
ever buffeted by the interminable winds,
tossing them back and forth.
Cessation never comes, nor therefore reprieve,
those veined, paper-thin sheets of matter
those had been once unified in life, now dying in separation
bare no word or action to tell of their torment
for true silence is their only comfort,
and, upon destruction, their only reward.
They live, they die.
And, somewhere in between, they suffer.
I’ve been dealing with depression for the most of past 4 years (I’ve been hospitalized at 17). My girlfriend of six months just left me without a word of explanation. She’s been amazing the whole time, but there were no warnings. I don’t really believe in the concept of soulmates but I thought we were perfect for each other. I felt she was the only person to really understand me (I’m almost 21). For two weeks now, it has felt like someone stuck hundreds of shards of glass in my body and left it there. I’m not someone who often had physical pains before, but […]
if your ptsd ever got to the point where you constantly heard his voice
or compulsively checked email and fb hoping someone cared enough to say hello
no one had your back, no family
bad memories only self hatred hating everything about yourself and your life
nothing did the trick
and all you saw was terror and homelessness around the corner
if even walking you had panic attacks and felt paranoid
if you felt they would soon come and “take you away”
if you felt you didnt deserve to live
if you had night terrors and heard actual voices, if you couldnt have a real partner
if everything you did was futile and left you […]