Oh Suicide Project,
That sweet stranger that I think of so often but visit far less. It has been ages and I fear I’ve locked away all these real emotions again. Alas, I will be back for the time because you are the only silent friend I can seek out for comfort and solace.
Until next time,
TheForgottenFew
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For those not familiar with the term, eugenics is a way to improve the human population by eliminating the weak and propagating the strong. Back then when Hitler was in power there were euthanasia centers where individuals with incurable disease as well as mental illness were given a mercy death. For various reasons I am not a supporter of Hitler, however imagine if these centers were to exist today. Many of us could check in to these places to request to be put to sleep. That would be wonderful. Better for us and for the world if we cease to exist.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_T4
I dont want to die. Really I dont. But the pain is stronger than the will to live. It dominates my thoughts. It wont give me a break. I try to sleep it away, but I cant sleep long enough. Honestly I wish I would never wake up. Maybe if it were as easy as flipping a switch I would turn my life off. What I really want is my happiness. I want my family back. But without them, I am overwhelmed, and I think I have to end.
Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve thought of killing myself on multiple occasions. Most of the reasons would be because of feelings of inadequacy, helplessness and frustration. When I was a little girl, I would often think of running away from home. I would plan which bag I would take, which clothes I would take away, and would decide whether to take the bus or a taxi to wherever I was going to run away to. I have been planning my escape since I was nine.
I am not an only child. I was not abused. I did not come from a poor family; we […]
Just two days ago, my dog had to be put to sleep. As I’m typing this, I should be getting some sleep myself. It’s 1:30am, and I don’t want to, nor can’t I, sleep.
The worst part? He was my only real friend. From the moment I owned him, even to this day, I had, and still have, a grand total of zero human friends.
All my schoolmates did was one of three things: say hello once a month, ignore me, or see how far they could push me, if they could make me snap.
It must have been their favourite game: Push The Freak Until He Breaks. […]
The railing looked so easy to smash my car is heaver then it can hold. These were the thoughts traveling through my head today as I skipped college classes to “run away fro my feelings” . This morning I found out my ex boyfriend already has a new boyfriend. he is thin pretty and motivated. I am none of these. I loved him for the two years we had so deeply only to be tossed asside when out of comfort with him i gained weight and just relaxed. He wanted to break up so badly but he wouldnt be “the bad guy” he would sit […]
So, I know many of us were not able to complete uni/college and some of us are busy in the middle of doing so. Well, I am from a different end of the spectrum and am in a position I never thought any one could be in…I finished my bachelors, in my final year I had a very severe mental break down yet still managed to pass (albeit at the bear minimum).
So whats the problem, you may be wondering? Well, you see…I don’t remember anything from my degree. I literally (I’m not making this up) know nothing. Might as well not have done it. Yep […]
I want to reply with the chorus from Metallica’s song Trapped Under Ice, but that’s just opening pandora’s box and I really don’t want to guide anyone down my rabbit hole of misery.
Freezing
Can’t move at all
Screaming
Can’t hear my call
I am dying to live
Cry out
I’m trapped under the ice
I feel like that every weekend, when I’m laying in bed, blanket pulled up over my head. I have every thought in the world for productive things I could do, but I never move. I spent the majority of this past weekend laying in bed sulking […]
So off track, I don’t know how to get back.
I know what is awaiting me.
I’ve done it all before – an impossible task.
I am so alone, yet I have no motivation to open up.
The journey has to end – I can’t live this way.
There are some things I just cannot accept.
I had a whole year to self destruct, and that, I did.
It really is the only way I know how to cope- I don’t have anything else.
I’ve done so much damage to myself.
I walk in silence, barely resembling the person I once was: full of spirit.
I wake every morning needing to die again.
I sometimes have nightmares.
I shouldn’t fight […]
,
In too deep, I wish I could sing of the goodies
Humble like the Leo, I’m just trying to, chill
I wish I was
I’m afraid for the message in the bottle, back
Is my yahoo-account, hacked
Serpent of light, sing to me
Are we comrades, hit-me-back-up on the FB or digit
The order, the golden, we gonna’ go, we have to
Build our home on the land, living like the equilibrium of
The talisman, but what is lost
I just want to be by the fire, by the sun, eat my carrots
Heal, because of what I am
In all seriousness, and pleasantry, like […]
Do you ever feel yourself slipping back into the darkness and you try your hardest not to; you claw away at yourself and at everything around you in an attempt to stay sane.
You watch as all the things you care about become meaningless and things that once brought you happiness are now just chores, things you have to do in order to keep up the appearance that everything is normal.
Each time I battle these ‘demons’, eventually I find myself back in their company and the sick thing is, it’s like reuniting with an old friend.
Although I’m still close to it, I left to her being a *****, came back to the same thing… so merh.
I’ma head to bed soon.
Long day.
Goodnight.
I have a job as a seasonal tax preparer. It’s not great, but it’s a step into the accounting field. I’ve started this semester with an unprecedented 3.86 GPA. I’ve never had higher than maybe a 3.20 in my almost 34 years of life before this.
And I’m empty. Broken. There’s a highly specifically shaped hole in my heart and in my life. A life that is falling apart around the edges. The check I postdated to pay for one textbook will bounce. I can’t pay for the other at all. There is no more help from […]
I was so stupid. How could I have possibly thought that I was capable of true happiness?
I was doing so well. For about a year, I fell into and out of deep fits of depression. I attempted to take my life twice and no one even noticed. Even the doctors thought it was all accidental….but then, I just stopped caring all together. I figured that the depth of my state would eventually kill me off. I was no longer concerned with living or dying. If there were ever a limbo for humans, I’d entered it. At some point in my state of limbo, a wonderful […]
TRIGGER WARNING
So I guess here’s a little about me. I choose not tell my age because I feel that just gives a reason for people to tell me that I have a long life ahead of me and things will get better and yada yada all the bullshit I’ve heard my entire life. Anyway, I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety since third grade as well as self harm and an eating disorder since fifth. I’ve attempted to kill myself twice before, the first one was not serious and I was in 8th grade and my mom found me and forced me to take […]
I’m so tired of this world and everything in it… I’m 36 years old, my mom has paranoid schizophraenia, my youngest brother was adopted out of my family due to that, my dad tried to kill me when I was young, I was molested for almost 8 years, and these are all of the things I have learned to accept.
No matter what I do in life, I feel like I am constantly starting over and constantly getting shit on. I give up everything I know, in my country and in my life, to move from the states to the UK to be with my wife […]
I feel like someone else i don’t like looking at myself i hate everything i do. i miss her dearly i hate that we are separated. i wish i could be happy. i think about killing myself but that wont help get her back. i try hanging out with friends but nothing helps. i dont get sleep anymore. i wish you loved me back. i wish you cared about me. sometimes i get so angry i hit myself. i blame all of our problems on me. i miss you daisy….. i want you here with me having fun. but your out there talking to someone. […]
This is just what i think in my head… I just wrote what i was thinking at that moment but please help me.. -brian m. R.
Well… Im back i guess thats a bad thing…how can i get this suicidle feelings off my chest?!? How can i be straight ?! ???????? i know thats never gonna happen .. So why do I still wish it?!?! Being bisexual is a curse…..why did i have to fall in “love” with my best friend since 3ed grade?!? Fuck i cant…. Should i just forget about him ?!? Should i kill my self?!? Should i run away again?!? Should i […]
Hi, i’m back here. Again. I was watching TV and I saw somebody who made me feel bad. It made me think about a person I used to know, somebody I stopped seeing. A “friend”. Yeah, you know those friends you hang out with because you’re too young and too insecure to think by yourself and to trust yourself. This person who hangs out with you because you’re enough hopeless and in a shitty state that you make her/him feel better about her/his own person. To be clear, I do not miss that person at all. She’s a complete wreck with all the pride only […]
Liz, are you there
When did I ever ask you back, of anything
Oh, my companion
But you, and your spirits, we can
In the night, I light one-up and start to cry
Oblivion, my beautiful mother screams in hers
And we don’t speak of the seismic that we both feel
Underground, do you know, of a continuum of a
I haven’t slept, now that I realize, since the beginning
Therefore, I do not have dreams, anymore
You know of my ail, and thus, I arrive
Please, I need your help