Hello. Today was a bad day. I didn’t get yelled at or anything, just an angry look. That just made me realize how alone I am in this. I understand SP will be there for me, but outside of that, I have no one to talk to. I’m alone on this. I’m kind of a disappointment. And they are justified in being disappointed in me. I’m not the most outgoing person and I’m kid of lazy and pathetic. To them they’ve put so much money and time and effort into me only to have me come out as a sort of nothing. I see why […]
Why the hell is it so much harder to cope on some days. Feel like screaming at the top of my lungs then breaking down in tears WTF
You know you’re fucked when the razor you’re trying to use is too fucking dull to cut fml
So, I couldn’t access this website for like a week so I started a blog  theventingspace.blog.com . Self harm is a pretty common thing for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I started cutting in February of 2012, I was self harming in different ways before that but nothing that was visible. I took laxatives, I had unhealthy relationships, I drank too much, and going wayyyy back to my early childhood( the only other time it was visible) I pulled out all my eyelashes and eyebrows and blamed it on an episode of Punky Brewster.  Now why would someone start cutting so late in life? I […]
I realized that i was on the verge on bullying a member of this site. I know what it feels like to have a bad day and for some reason that day i just wasnt remembering. I gave someone a hard time for being a downer and I was ashamed. It really hit me when I noticed that when I have an especially bad day, any small event can push me over the edge. Everyday I browse this site looking for that person I bullied and I dont see their name. I can only hope that he’s left this site because he’s doing well and […]
I’m sitting on my bed, and all I hear is the rain falling and the wind going crazy. Sometimes I wish there was more sun here. It makes me more depressed looking outside. Today has been another bad day, I feel like I can’t talk to anyone, and I feel so lonely. I’ve lost mostly all my friends because I’ve been with my bf for 2 years and it’s all about him now, which is good because he’s my friend but when he’s not there I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand how much sadness I feel inside, and all the […]
I know I haven’t posted in a while… But it’s because I’ve been doing better. The reason I’m back is because I can’t just leave. I was put through this site for a reason, and I believe that as much as it was to help me, I have to try to help the others on here.
So. Suicide tape.
I have been taping my wrists, ankles, and waist for the past few weeks. Like actually taping off the areas I like to cut. I use hockey stick tape, or sports tape because its more comfortable and I can write on it like paper. It also doesn’t attract […]
My friend Tennyson.. Actually, I like him. And he knows that. But he doesn’t like me. I know he doesn’t. He said so. Anyway, on the bus earlier, he pulled out a pocket knife and cut himself. I could literally feel my heart ripping itself apart because there was absolutely nothing I could do. I told him to get on facebook, but I doubt that he will. The worst part is that I heard his friend say, “Well, why do you want to kill yourself?!”. I don’t want him to die. God, he’s been going to therapy.. I don’t know what to do. I love […]
this is me..
myra..
today was another bad day for me at school..
im still being picked on..
teased.
rumors are apread about me..
lies are said..
while im keeping everything inside..
nobody knows myy life..
nobodys knows what ive gone thrui
nobody knows how much im keeping inside whle others add more to it..
why me..? im not mean to people…
im not sloppy im not disrespectfulll and i never act like im better…
i am stilll on the edge ..
i have a choice im going to think about..
take acoupple steps forward and fall?
or take acoupple steps back […]
Besides what’s going on in my life
I had a bad day at school..
I was teased in every class…
For stupid stuf..
like for example I was called myrightnut
My names Myra…
And I was during about this in my notebook and someone tried to take it from me and I smacked their hand..
Then people started calling me a cat..
Calling me names..
And ECT… I’ve had two people say stop she’s gonna go sit somplace cry..
Wait keep talking maybe shell die if she does..
Stupid stuff…. And I only have one real friend thirbfor me …
Her names saveena..
She helps me…
I dont get the sence in cutting…
But for everytime im bullied ima keep […]
Cycles.
It happens in cycles.
Good day. I’m happy.
Bad day. I’m not.
Better day. I’m indifferent.
Good day. I’m happy.
Relapse. Shame. I cut.
Next day, I resist. I fail.
I resist again.
I succeed.
The next day is better. I focus on hiding the cuts.Â
The day after, I think that I’m strong enough. I’m angry for giving in. I’m so angry that I promise I will never cut again.
So I don’t.
Good day. I’m happy.
Bad day. I’m not.Â
Better day. I’m indifferent.
Good day. I’m happy.
Relapse. Shame. I cut.
Next day, I resist. I fail.
I resist again.
I succeed.
It never ends.Â
I can’t escape it.
Variations and patterns
But the blood is still red.
Hi everyone.
This is my first and probably last post on this site. No, it’s not because I’ll be dead tomorrow. I just need to let out my feelings on here, once and only once, because I can’t do it in real life.
First off, I don’t care who’s reading this, since it’s anonymous. I’ll say that I probably can’t be considered truly suicidal anymore, because I don’t ever seriously think about suicide–it’s mostly a compulsive thing that plagues me when I’ve had a bad day. The reason I’m really here is because I’ve had so many feelings lately and no one to talk to about them, […]
very bad day at work… anyone up? just don’t want to deal with these stupid thoughts by myself or drown them in a bottle.
This morning I looked outside and all I saw was snow. You may think: “Is that special?? O.o” Well, I can tell you: yes, it is. Because in The Netherlands we don’t really have severe winters or often snow. So when there is snow, it’s special. Especially when it’s like 6 inches, like today. I had to go to my part-time therapy (from 9 am till 3 pm every monday till friday) and luckily my father brought me. There was like more than 1000 kilometers of traffic jam, a new record! (on a normal tuesday in the morning it’s around 300 kilometers) and we also […]
This was a bad day. I feel hopeless, useless, and stuck. The choices I do have… I don’t like. The words are welling up in me but I’m tired of spitting them out… writing them out. It’s always the same. I wish I weren’t here. I wish I never ever had to be alive. This is shit.
You pull me out of your hat
Whenever your down
But when I need you
There’s only darkness around
Wish you’d wave the wand
Every now and then
Maybe just respond
Cuz I could use a friend
But you keep me caged in
Until you have a bad day
Then you cry to me again
“Everything will be okay”
That’s all you wanna hear right?
That your ”cuts” will heal over night
But they’re just scrapes alright
Cuz I ain’t even ate tonight
Cuz you won’t feed me
But I don’t need three
Meals a day, just to say
“Hey, I’m gonna cut the bone today”
And I’m not competing
But your […]
i’ve been cutting again, my mum found out and guess what she said! i have no reason to do it im just calling out for attention… that’s what she said to me. how the hell do i not have a reason to do it! i’m dieing litterally heres y i do it…
im in pain
i have cancer!
no one cares about me
my lifes stuffed up
i get bullied
and im worthless
maybe i should end it right now, maybe i should stop fighting for my life. why should i have to suffer while no one cares about me.. am i left here to rott in this stupid hospital with a […]
I think disappointment is the worst thing to hear… When my mom says she is disappointed in me and yells at me for the smallest mistakes it hurts. I feel like I can’t do anything right and the one person who I thought was on my side isn’t. I have a lot of good days, but today is a bad day. I know that this isn’t how a mother should treat her child but there is nothing I can do and there is no why out of this.
So this week has been pure shit. I mean, Suicidal thinking shit. Obviously.
First, I just haven’t been my self this week. I’ve been a blend of the the bad Nat’s that we know and love :3 Secondly, Thursday was 27/9/12 (The ‘day’ that the voices have been talking about for months) Nothing bad happened on that day because I didn’t go into school… Friday however was by far the worst day of the week.
So Friday- Woke up feeling okay, did all my routines. Did break down a bit third lesson but I brought myself back from it. Cue fourth lesson. I got a facebook message […]
Today was a very bad day, and now I wonder what’s my point on this rock, when not even my friends can find a reason to need me. I’m tired of helping those, who show no appreciation and can’t even forgive the slightest mistake. I’m tired that I can’t do better than that.
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