I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]
You stand ther shaking with a sad smile upon your lips you know ther was no hope from the begining,
You sigh and throw your hands in the air in utter defeat,
Your descust shows now so very clear,
Why is it so hard, others seem to have it so easy,
You would ask your friend , your family, your partner
But you know they will laugh
You know they will be crule
You know you must go it alone
So you jump in yet again for another go
And as you do […]
I have been trying to get out of this body for years specifically from the age of 7 to 20 (current age)
I have tried suicide multiple times including cutting my wrist and taking loads of tylenol around 200 and then drowned that with hydrogen proxide but I did not leave, I did not even cross over. I mean what the fuck this was one I was around 16 and I am 20 now still wishing to just cross over but I realize now my family would be very sad and down the very same path that I have always seeked.
The only coping mechanism I really […]
Hello,
First of, all. i’m not sure if this is a part of the project, but it made me laugh indeed.
” ERROR: Banned by WangGuard Is a mistake?.”
Anyway…
I’ll keep it short 🙂 10 months ago, I have met a very interesting person, over the Internet. Actually, SHE met me (chatted me up on some forum, where I trolled, never wanted to see anyone, but I made one exeption this time). So we chatted. I liked fer. Later, a lot.. Then she said something like “I do not believe you are real, come and meet me” So I did, we did. This went for 4 […]
Am I just too coward to embrace the death… Am I still too much attached to people around me and care for their for feelings towards me … Or Is there still some materialistic/physical comfort that really excites me and is unconsciously asking me to hold on to it … or there is really a purpose that divinity had decided for us and we can’t go before fulfilling it …
I feel that the the answer is none of those…
Instead the only reason that I think that I am still alive now is sheer curiosity ….. there’s defn some thing really exciting after death […]
I used to be this happy little girl who only saw good in the world, nothing could keep me down. Now its like the smallest thing makes me want to pop a bottle of pills… maybe its because it all builds up. My mother has said so much about my weight, along with others, that everytime its mentioned i want to go purge. When it comes to people i dont even know anymore. I dont want to be alone but sometimes i dont want to be around others because i know that half the time people wont be focusing on me. I dont see point […]
On this website I have enjoyed reading what so many of you bravely share. Frankly, many of you seem smarter than the folks that I encounter in real life. You are deep thinkers, well read and probably smarter than me. I’m afraid to ask anyone in the real world. But I’m curious about what you think.
So, here goes: does the World3 simulator seem realistic in it’s forecast of trends? Sometimes I wonder if World3 explains our depression (maybe deep down […]
I hate my kind.
I hate their faces, their ignorant smiles. I’ve grown to hate them indisciminatly. What the fuck is wrong with those people? Hollow minds inside puppets made to walk with rotten strings. Let yourself fall into the bliss of mindless simplicity. Almost life a hivemind, brainwashed and seemingly happy with it.
Go with the crowd or fall with the trash.
I do not claim to be a saint nor have my 21 years of existence given me enough experience in the way of life, but is it just me or everything seems so twisted. What happened to sincerity, kindness, generosity? All those concepts are almost […]
so avrey thing i had wasunt good enuf for you
all the love i gave was wothe as much as shit to you
all the times i cryd for you all the times i cut
was wothe as much as shit to you
as all the blood i spat on the floor pulld out my broken teeth
at the botom of a pit of glutones meneingless sex
you keept me in your keep
my “frends” think its fun to get a shag evrey day
but if that knew the consequences thade say fuck this no way
cos i gave you all the love in the world and you tost it away
all the things i […]
so im back at school for the ferst time in 4 days after losing some of my mind in i class and trying to kill my bully which resulted in me losing some blood a lot of ters and whats left of my mind so yer my mental scars from bullying held so going back to school must be esey right… wrong in the reel world non of that happens especially not in good old blighty (the UK to all the yanks out there) i came back got the shit beat out of me saying the same liy to anyone who ask it was a accident go […]
No wonder i felt like dying when you left..i am now begining to understand what it means to say i cant do without you..but there is a place in my heart were i ll keep all the memories of our time together.i know its going to be painfull recalling them.but i am ok with this kind of pain.i am ok with any pain you cause me..I LL KEEP YOU.here..luv ya 4eva
so the moment cam breaks up with me and changes his status i start getting emails and texts from guys that i just said ‘NO’ too, my excuse being that i had a boyfriend, they brought it and didnt bother me much… but now the school rugby team keeps calling up asking how much i charge? i get texts from guys ive only heard rumours about asking if id Do them, i dont even know how they got my number. They’ve all called me a slut for a year or so now…. they believed my lie that id consented and not been forced into it… […]
I was scrolling through some comments tonight when i saw it………. it was posted by jmvsic- “Anger is nothing more than fear turned inward”. And it hit me….. Let me start from the begining. Ok, so I have been thinking that I have anger issues for a while now. I get angry very easily… and when i do i dont lash out like most might think. No, instead i hurt myself by bitting on the inside of my lower lip as hard as i can that way no one can know I get so angry. My mom has noticed that i get a face when she […]
I guess ill start from the begining… I grew up without a father, for my childhood, I never had fun because I was always forced to do homework from books that you can buy. If I did a problem wrong, I would get hit with a wooden stick on the hands or slapped in the face… I always enjoyed games since I grew attached to it considering my mom was at work. Playing games also were the part of the my life where I would unstress my selfI also never had an actual summer since my mom still forced me to to spend all my […]
damb,why do people decide to give you reasons to trust them until you trust them enough just to the point you are actually thinking(you know what, i might feel like i trust this person, mabey they aint fake after all)then they go and pull the same shit everyone els does, and people wonder why i am the way i am,its always the people you least expect,so why trust anyone in this world,my heart just got as cold as it can get,i had a little love left in my heart after 21 years,but now i literally feel nothing,   last night i was praying to god(if my […]
Things were starting to look up, but it’s all coming crashing down. I was getting stronger, not having the violent and/or scary thoughts anymore, my grades were getting better, and I was just starting to go back to my old self. Today I realized that I’m apparently not ok. A girl working in my group on a project we presented today shoved my copy in my face snobbily sarcastically thanking me for my help. I tried to help write it in class, but she took it home and never contacted the rest of us like she was supposed to, so she ended up doing it […]
Well, I come on here to tell everyone else to change their lives, that you can get past the bad thoughts and your negative crap. But it’s begining to just back fire. I have been depressed and a cutter for a long time (well thats how it seems to me), seven years now. I am nearly ninteen years old. Last year in May I first tried to kill myself, I almost died but my family found me just in time. I tried again twice more but got to a point where I had to accept that I was meant to be here a little longer. […]