I will never understand why I did it, but I did. I let him take control of me, & I let him take all of me. He took away all of the innocence that I had. I was 13 at the time, & he was 24. I knew it was wrong, & I have hated myself for it ever since, but I let him sleep with me. I don’t even know if I gave consent anymore. Not because I regret it, but because of me being so young & looking up to him. Did he just manipulate me, or did I give consent? I don’t […]
Tag:
being alone
Depression has literally ruined my life. My mom doesn’t accept me because of my behavior so I got moved away for my only biological family (my sister) and moved to my dads, which his girlfriend doesn’t accept me because of my behavior and the fact that my dad goes out of his way to help benefit me so that I don’t jump off his balcony. I was a straight A B C student till around 7th grade I lost all motivation but somehow made it to 9th grade and completely failed because I stayed in the bathroom due to the fact that I hated going […]
So I went to a shrink today and he asked me about my dating history and said that being alone may cause loneliness. No shit, Sherlock.
I’ve been single for two and a half years, but I had trust issues before the last girl I dated and she turned out to be a cheating whore. You can’t blame me for refusing to trust anyone. The shrink said my sense of self worth would probably be better if I started dating, but I’m uglier than a Chinese Crested and I have no social skills. It’s not like I’m incapable of being alone, I’m pretty fucking good at […]
I’m just to tired to go on. I’ve been fighting depression for about 5 years now, and seen tons of shrinks and been on every kind of anti-depressant
there is…and nothing has worked. Hell has be to better than this. It’s hard being alone with these dark thoughts, but even harder to be around
people and have to fake it. I actually get angry now when I hear people say that there is help out there, bullshit! If I could even see a tiny tiny glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel, I might have some hope, but nothing but blackness for five long years […]
My name is Sandra, i’m 17 years old. I’m a daugther, a sister, a granddaugther, a niece, a cousin. I love animals, rain and reading. I don’t have any true friends. I’m introverted, i’m silent, i don’t like talking, i’m always sick, i feel very weak, i love being alone, i hate crying, i have lost a lot of people that are important to me, i have never fully enjoyed life, i’m not a loving person and i don’t even understand what love is, i’m insecure, i’m a really anxious person, i’m quite self destructive, i always try to give people hope, though i […]
ok so about 9 months ago i started dating this guy named mike and we would last 3-4 months break up and get back together about 3 months ago we broke up and hardly talked for thoes three months but then about 2 weeks ago i started talking more to his sister cause shes pretty cool and then i startd talking to him again because this whole time we have been broken up hes all i can think about… well we made plans that after i worked saturday i would get picked up and go to mikes sisters house, kim, but then friday mike was […]
Just tired of being alone whilst in a world full of hostile strangers
Tried to integrate every day but now tired of trying
In fact getting really tired again
Last time I was this tired woke up in A & E
Hi all,
I am a bipolar, drug induced psychosis and suicide survivor.
My life was such chaos before diagnosis and I honestly don’t know how i made it out alive. I’ve had a few serious attempts. When I say serious, I mean more spontaneous, not planned, I was caught downing three months of antidepressants, had material rip when I tried to asphyxiate myself and my dogs eyes stopped me from driving us over a cliff. I have also had my cry for help attempts. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to live either. I wanted help, so I would tell someone that I was […]
I just discovered this website, so I’m not really familiar with how it works, but here I am. I’m so alone, and right now all I want is just to feel like I’m not alone, to be around other people who understand what I’m going through. I’ve been going through depression for the past few years, but this past month it has really been hitting me hard and getting worse. Why am I struggling? The answer is one word, and one word that we all are just too familiar with. And that word is alone. I couldn’t feel anymore distance from my family, it’s like […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2BCI4twcXg
I am the ugly duckling. I seem to always be the odd one out. My mother never seems to approve of the friends I do make and what ever choices I do make are “Stupid” and not “Rational” because I am a teenager. I think that it is okay to make the decisions that I learn lessons from. I am safe and I don’t make the decisions that are unsafe. (most of the time) I seem to be a “good girl” because I don’t do drugs or drink or what ever people define as a “teen at risk”. I don’t judge people I try to […]
I think I’m going down a dark path again…………..Just when things seemed like they were gonna get better…..F***!!!…..this always happens. One problem ends and then another arises, one problem ends and then another arises!. It’s an endless cycle. I wish I could know that things were gonna get better but I just can’t see it. All I see are the 4 walls and the ceiling of my apartment everyday; nothing else besides that and school; which is barely any different. I just want something to change. The only time that I really get to truly enjoy myself is when I’m at lunch with these five other […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA1Xvgauffc
Let me begin to say that my stomach is in knots. Just the thought of killing myself makes me want to throw up, yet all I think about is killing myself. The fact that I will never be happy and “normal” (if you must use that word) again frightens me. I want to get better so badly and yet I am still the same person who won’t ever do well in life, I am always going to be the person I have always been. A monster, a monster is the best way to put it because I scare everyone and my sadness and feelings I […]
I realized that I don’t want to be alone, because being alone truly sucks. I am so unhappy with my physical appearance that it just depresses me and makes me so insecure. Over the past few months I have gained 22 pounds and until recently I lost 10 pounds. I feel so ugly and I want to change but its so hard, I guess I don’t want it bad enough huh? I gave my all to someone that took advantage of it and just hurt me. And now I’m afraid, I don’t want to do that again and so I don’t. I don’t let myself […]
I’m just super lonely this Christmas and need a shoulder to cry on…..to vent……I’m 18, turn 19 in 5 days, I basically have no friends or family……I’ve attempted suicided many times and have suffered with depression most of my life. I’m miserable. I’ve tried to keep my sanity and make myself better- recently, I drove my new car out in front of a semi……I miraculously lived, tore my car to hell….I just wanted to die and didn’t care how selfish I was being involving a random person. It eats at me and I regret it, but I’m angry that I didn’t die. The bashing from […]
I am so lost in this world, I have been alone for a lot of my life, and it has made me shy and quiet when it comes to meeting women. I have dated here and there but things never go well, and yet I hate being alone. I fell in love about a year ago with a woman, I dated a long time ago. We had a strong connection, and have hadd some really nice times together. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and now that things are falling apart between us, I am more depressed than ever. I will […]
Suddenly i realized that it is not my nightmares i am afraid of, or the monster that hides inside me, nor the ghosts that hide in the corners or the darkness inside my mind.. i realize that what I’m actually afraid of is being alone.. “alone” that awful word to hear.
I am clumsy oath. I have no feel. I tried to massage my mother. I do not seem to feel anything. What am I good at? What am I doing here?
My ideas get rejected. I cannot even do a simple university assignment. I want to leave my university. My ego wants me to stay even I know really well I am going to kick out.
I like being alone because I feel even more alone with the people around me.
I am tired. I want all this to stop. I just don’t have the guts or energy to end this. THe world has come […]
the prophet of lost causes, the broken, andthe drunks, bukowski n his apostles
by cathy arsis
written by cathy arsis
when i think of heaven, deliver me in a black winged bird….i think of dying
lay me down in a field of flame and heather,
render up my body into the burning heart of god
in the belly of a black winged bird- Adam duritz
in the beginingwas the myth. God, in his search for self expression, invested the souls of
hindus, greeks, and germans with poetic shapes and continues to invest each childs soul with poetry every day.-hesse, Peter camenzind
“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t […]
i can’t stop crying. the thoughts are never going to go away.
i question why i feel this way because i have it way better than most people do,
i have a home , a bed , clothes , food , but i just feel so shitty and utterly worthless.
im afraid that im just gunna fail in life and what sucks the most is i have nobody.
i dont need friends but sometimes its just nice to have someone to understand you and
just listen. being alone just sucks.
I wish you would say hello to me. Ask me how I’m doing. But I know you will always choose her over me and I will sit here with all the loyalty and love I had for you and let it rot.
being alone hurts but I think it’s necessary now.
but forget about lonliness. My goal for the next hour, if my therapist decides to roleplay in session again in a few minutes, is to not have a breakdown on the way home again. Can’t fucking live the nightmares over and over again.