I almost can’t feel anything .. like the emptiness is taking over me .. and the lost is soo close ,, I can’t /don’t want To think anymore ,, it can be a little satisfying but soo … I don’t know what .! like a vortex .. maybe better to stay numb this way .. or I don’t know a thing anymore …
Tag:
better
I’ve been a member of this site for about a year now and I’m just now posting for the first time. I was hoping beyond hope that maybe, just maybe, reading what everyone else had to say, what they deal with, how they cope, would make me realize that my life wasn’t as shitty as I thought it was. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Nothing seems to help. Normally I try to avoid talking in essays when I don’t need to, but in this case I’m going to say fuck it and just say what I want, because chances are I won’t be around much longer to […]
Are we?
Few people that fairly close to me are calling me that. They didn’t say it directly to my face. I stumble upon their post on social media because apparently word just got out that I leave everyone because I have depression. And of course, just like any other community or society in these world, most of them thought that depression isn’t real. “It’s all in your head”. “Try and be happy”. “You need to have a reason to move forward”. You know the deal. All these motivational quotes they get on Pinterest/Tumblr.
It does, however, make me think. Do I (we?) really need the attention? Am I an attention seeker? Maybe […]
I’ve been seeing a new psychologist since January and last visit she questioned why I was still seeing Psychologists if I believed my life will never get any better. I repeated what I had told her previously, that I simply want help to give up. I seem to continually hope for something to change but I need to accept that nothing can ever change. She has kept trying to inspire me to start doing things in an attempt to make my depression better with the idea that my depression will improve if I simply eat better, exercise and get more sleep. She will not accept […]
I’ve come to believe that medication and therapy are nothing more than distractions and lies meant to blind people to the truth.
When I view society, it’s obsession with reality television, celebrities, and it’s influence on buying happiness, I see proof. When I watch the news, I see horrible disasters. I see people dying, people being murdered, people being slain. I see greed, pain, and suffering. I see war, drought, famine. And of course, what do they always do after these stories play? They find something trivial to distract you from the issues of the world. They tell you about Beyonce’s latest album, or some dipshit story about […]
As I watched my husband walk out of the door, leaving my daughter crying for him to “take me with you” or “don’t go daddy” it hit me like a brick. I was that little girl. I cried for my daddy to stay….. My husband has worked for almost 3 weeks straight. Nights. Not by choice. But tonight, his first night off, he chose to go to a sporting event. My daughter’s heart was/is broken. She cried for an hour, I cried with her. Unable to comfort her because I was hurting too. I tried to explain to my husband but he just got mad […]
i am gone, i am condemned
i am small, effortlessly
(i am dying — effortlessly)
there is very little left my bones
are here and go unnoticed — why
is the beauty passed over
if human eyes
are drawn to beauty why
are my hip and collar bones ignored
by you in bed and out
you do not look, you do not see —
you do not care
but you should.
if you care that i breathe you should care about my bones
they are my handle on the world — i hold
my hips to stay grounded
i am trying not to fall
and […]
Which one hurts more? Being rejected or them not answering and ignoring you?
For me it’s not answering. With rejection you at least have an answer. You know they are not interested. But when they don’t answer what the hell does that mean? Are they repulsed by you? Do they not know? Did you scare them away? You have no clue what happened and you are thinking the worst. What did you do wrong? Are you not worth an answer? It’s a simple yes or a no… I don’t know is even better then not answering…What the fuck did I do to deserve no answer..?
It’s like a horrible nightmare I can never seem to wake up from. It haunts me, and just when I think its gone, it comes creeping back. I run, and run, but it always catches me. No distance or time is long enough. It’s become a part of me. A cluster fuck of emotions I can’t even being to sort through. It’s almost cruel the way my mind works. It keeps me up at all hours and taunts me till I’m banging my head against the walls, or better yet, till I have that scissors, knife, or razor blade pressed sharply against my skin. I […]
not sure it’s cuz I’m doing better. Fighting this hopelessness. It’s a fucking douche.
It’s been a long time since I was last here. About a year and half, to be exact. I thought I was really getting better but in the last few months, everything seems to be spiraling down again. I’ve read that it’s therapeutic to write about it, so hopefully this will help me.
In July, my boyfriend of seven months, Alex, broke up with me. He was everything I had wanted in a person and I woke up everyday with an overwhelming amount of happiness that I thought the years of suicidal thoughts and depression were finally leaving my mind.
If only I knew how wrong I […]
I think I’m already accepting it. The fact that it’s better if I leave this word. I’m not happy. I’m getting more and more miserable each day. Maybe I’ll do it. Better sooner than later.
Hey guys. I haven’t been on in a while. My life really hasn’t gotten that much better. I did start on an antidepressant, but I feel more suicidal now. I started self harming again. I burn myself a lot. Life just sticks and I hate it.
Im new here, and already after reading some of these posts I feel like I have found my people . haha. I dont know where to begin. Isnt that ironic? Since I dont know how to end it either? Man, Im funny.
Im a lonely, cowardice, self loathing 22 year old mother and wife who lives in a repetitive world that she oh so badly wants out of. Im very exhausted from living a lie.. Living to make sure to not step on my husbands toes.. I long for connection. I wont get it from him. When he attepmts, which is rare, it is forced.. I […]
So I have always hated my birthday and it’s coming up next week. I see a lot of birthday posts on here and thought I’d add mine. For the first 15 years of my life I celebrated my birthday with the birthday of the man who was molesting me, we ate cake together, laughed, played and… other stuff. For the next 15 years I prayed for my own death and even attempted it with one serious attempt that left me with broken bones… BUT last year was good even though I struggled and this year even though I am struggling I think it will be […]
day two, figured I should try a second post just to get out there again. Appreciate all the support from people. Today is a little better, still feel like someone pissed in my cheerios but still better than yesterday. Don’t feel as bad as yesterday and can focus on my work a bit more. Still just feels like same shit different day though but I’m trying to work on it.
The everlasting light; or the endless darkness. Sometimes even curiosity itself can become the tool to execute the will. All of the hope seems false and the last hope I would have is to die and see what lies beyond; even more pain and misery or the eventual satisfaction.
The very thinking that nothing lies beyond in itself is hopeless; as if we will not be able to find the justice even after death. But the justice is created to maintain the society; then, the very concept of justice is flawed. Why would we even willing to maintain the balance in the society when we are […]
Growing up i had a really rough life. i was never happy, even as a kid. i have thought about killing myself before, many times actually, and i have tried once before but i stopped myself. I try to stay happy but it is really hard for me. i have been through a lot. my family has put me through a lot, my old friends have put me through a lot. i am trying so hard to be happy. i am 18 years old and i feel so broken and destroyed. my family has destroyed me. i break down everyday and i just find it […]
You get so alone at times that it just makes sense.
The only thing stopping me from doing anything is knowing how my mother would feel.
It’s hard, but tomorrow I’ll be better.
Hello Internet,
About me: I am a 12 year old guy that is not very happy but I am sad.
The Internet is my favorite place let me explain why, I have a bad life and school is the main problem, the teachers laugh at me kids bully me call me names etc… There is only some Pepole that are nice to me. Pepole even some of my friends make fun of me, I try to be playful but they say stop always very loud. I have been thinking of suicied but, I am very sacred of doing it. And the Internet is fun because pepole treat […]