I remember when the thought of cutting myself scared me. Suicide had crossed my mind once or twice, but i never contemplated it seriously. Now, I cut nearly every day, and I’ve attempted suicide twice. I look in the mirror and i don’t know who I am anymore, I used to be truly happy but now I’m just numb and empty. No one notices the bruises on my body put there by someone else, maybe they do notice annd don’t seem to care.
I have only psuedo-interests that center around what other people think I am good at. Everything I think and feel is based on my environment and the people in it. I genuinely don’t think I enjoy anything on an interpersonal level, and the things that do give me joy are evil. My thought patterns are full of hatred, and my perceptions of the people and things around me are filtered through a distorted lense. I feel little social joy. Because of this, I find myself faking everything during communal events. I have to force myself into every social situation, and furthermore, I have to force […]
He did it to me again. Last night, he saw the intent in my eyes. And he trapped me.
Showered with loving kisses, pleading words for me not to go. A couple years ago I would have considered myself lucky, to have found someone who yearns for me to live. I now know the truth of it all.. love is selfish. Each kiss he plants on my body is a new shackle tying me up to this life. Every inch of my body, covered in thorned threads, adorning me with love and blood, imprisoning me to this very existence. “Don’t leave me..” he whispers. “You promised […]
they say ignorance is bliss, and for a long time i thought they were stupid. how could people who are completely unaware be blissful? Wouldn’t they thirst for the knowledge of this world.
but as I grew up, i realize more and more how true this is. How often do I now wish that I knew less, that I dreamed less, that I could be a part of this world in a way I now know I never could be.
I am a victim of my own mind. Trapped in a lifeless body yet wrecked with dreams of vivid colors and greater adventures. A spirit yearning for […]
He wanted me Because he was afraid of being alone
He wanted to show me off
He wanted to isolate me
When my world stopped revolving around him
He stopped caring
A ring on my finger
That meant nothing
It was just another way to mark me
A way to mark his territory
I always knew I was easy to forget
But did he have to move on so quick?
I always knew I was nothing special
But I never thought I was just a sick thrill
That was Allan.
I thought he was my best friend
I grew to like his fiance
We got along well
i tell you everyday how i feel, i scream to get you to look back at me as you walk away. i tell you that you are my strength, my everything yet every cell in my body is telling me that i am wrong, that had you really cared you wouldnt have abandoned me, you wouldnt take away in one day what you had given me over four years and ten months.
i cry myself to sleep every night, i wake up in the mornings unable to pull myself together and face another day. the sun is too bright and the dull days are too soul […]
My problems are not fixable. I used to always believe that if life became untenable, one could just “run away.” If you’re really at the point of ending it, why not try escaping it, first? But now I see “no matter where you go, there you are.” My body has failed me. My health is unmanageable. Doctors have failed me. The entire medical profession has failed me (and yes, I know that sounds hyperbolic, but sometimes hyperbole is the only refuge).
A failed hysterectomy… a surgical “accident”… a booboo… an “uh oh, it slipped… shit happens…” has left my life in shambles, and as the problems […]
Dreaming about having a boy’s body. Walking around with toned arms, flat chest. And I’m happy and free, ya know?
And then I wake up in a foreign cage. And the family thinks I’m a possessed “girl.”
Rather be dead than live a bloody muddy ruddy fucking lie.
I’m groggy. Have taken three different sedative substances, only one of them prescribed. Tsk tsk.
Am desperate to sleep.
Am using chatrooms coz I can’t focus on any book, movie, documentary or any other cultural output.
There’s something seriously wrong with my body. It’s like dragging a corpse around. I’m constantly knackered.
Uh-oh. This may not be suicidal enough for Suicide Project.
I daren’t even say what I really want to say. I’m paranoid as all hell. If I say I wanna kill someone some f***** out there might think I mean it so…
So here’s another half-assed post which is really just a groggy vent. Because sauce for the goose […]
Day 2 no meds. I’m starting to feel again and I feel a sense of rage. It’s like my body is starting to shake inside from my suppressed anger. Anger because I am one of those dickheads who always puts people first. I am always trying to figure out how to please people.
You know what!? You can’t please anyone and no one can please you. Being content and happy comes from inside. I know this, I fucking KNOW IT deep in my core. But for some reason I am constantly looking for someone, someone who will take my love, someone who will give me love.
Well […]
It feels like my chest is caving in. I can hardly breathe. Moving is difficult too. There’s this…disconnect…happening between my soul and body.
My soul needs to cry and release some of this emotion but my body refuses to allow it. My soul scratches at the doors to leave my body and yet, nothing changes. How do you escape your own body? The scratches from within are beginning to show. Random marks are showing on my body. I don’t recall scratching myself or bumping into things.
I can feel my soul trying to die but my body just isn’t responding. The stress of school, work, the anniversary […]
Is it possible for this sadness to break my body, every breath i take hurts like theirs something broken in my chest that spreads down to my arms and leg. This neverending tiredness that makes every step painful like the next movement is the one that will make my body crumble.
I don’t know where to start.
I was chronically suicidal in high school, and even attempted it several times. Then, sometime in my early adulthood, I fell in love for the first time and stopped feeling that way. Now I’m almost 30 and I’m back to square one. I’ve been single for years, have gotten more and more depressed over the years, and finally I’ve come to the point where I’m seriously contemplating ending my life.
I’m a gay man. I’ve never really felt comfortable with the idea of being gay. I don’t relate to gay culture in any way, shape or form, and I’m not even […]
It’s my body. I should be able to do with it what I want. I know assisted suicide is legal in some places, for people with terminal diseases. But it should also be legal for those who have depression. What is the point of living if we feel there is nothing else left to live for?
Police, paramedics, forensic scientists, none of these will clean a crime scene. If you kill yourself in your home, your body could sit there for some time while investigators rule out murder and/or robbery.
The body makes a huge mess, there is a lot of blood. If you shoot or cut yourself, you will leave a very large mess behind and by the time your premises are cleared to enter, your blood has started to solidify and soak into any dry space.
Like I said, none of those servicemen will clean the scene that you left. Your next of kin is expected to clean the mess, […]
That might seem dramatic. My mind is all sluggish and clogged, probably because it’s 12:30 right now. I don’t anywhere. Maybe I’ll try elsewhere and see if I can be born with the correct body, ya know?
This flesh cage, I can’t live in it. It’s draining to see foreign objects on your chest and nothing between your legs. Why do I have curvy hips. They don’t belong there. They need to go. Maybe I’ll slice those chest tumors off.
There are boys all around with their own sets of problems. I shouldn’t be jealous, but hell, I am jealous. I’m jealous because they’re accepted as boys […]
I have offiicially given up there is no future for me I treat my body like a trash can have no desire to go on no one loves me I don’t love myself so stupid and ugly I never want to see myself agian I am a joke so sick Iv given up I can’t stand no more so miserable I reached my bottom 22 years of unhappiness when’s it going to change never I don’t want it to change I enjoy hurting myself any way possible I am disgusting inside and out there really is nothing good about me I can’t function in every […]
Let me tell you a story.
In the little town of Chaonite there are little minions called Chaonites. There is a group of Chaonites called Chrischaonites and they claim to know the one and only truth. They say that machaonites can only fuck fechaonites, and fechaonites can only fuck machaonites. Everything goes according to plan until one day, a fechaonite desides she wants to fuck another lovely little fechaonite. The Chrischaonites don’t like this, not one bit. They tie up this strange evil fechaonite and process her in their holy slaughterhouse, where the blood is drained out of her pretty body and mixed with sugar and put […]
The mirrors scream at me
The walls abuse me
The doors restrain me
The darkness defines me
The mirrors show a face so tired
Filled with dreams that have been lost
The heart and soul they once admired
Is what my nightmares have come to cost
My hands are shaking as I stare
My legs are weak and there’s no air
Don’t you show me; don’t you dare
Don’t prove to me there’s nothing there
The walls close in and call my name
As vanity subsides […]
Why is it that you ruined my life every chance it goes good, why do you feel the need, you may have rasied me but that wasnt your job to do your job was to be a sister yet you never was you made my life hell. I was the one cleaning your puke up i was the one doing food shopping you thought i would never cope in this life but ive done well im managing my life right now arent i. Just do me a favour and leave my life to me you caused chaos when we was younger we never would of […]