I’ve been struggling for a while now, it just feels like there’s only so much one person should have to handle. Some days I’m fine, I get up go to work, do what it is normal people are supposed to do. Most days…most days, I just want to die, not because I’m bored or lonely or crying out for attention; but because I’m tired. I’m tired of slogging through bull shit and being told that I just got dealt a shitty hand and if I stick it out it’ll get better. I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of caring about everyone else and being cared about by no one. I hurt and I don’t have anything or anyone to hold on to. I actually tried to kill myself around Christmas, I woke up by myself in the ICU after 3 days. My parents kicked me out after that. Sometimes killing myself is all I think about; how, when, what will I leave behind, will anyone even notice I’m gone.
I’m bored with everything. I’ve snowboarded from helicopters, climbed many mountains, traveled and been to many places, and work as a molecular biologist. I should not feel the way I do. This should make me a fun and loving person, but instead I always feel empty and alone. I get a lot of attention from women, but nothing ever comes from it because I hate myself and the sadness pours from me. I can’t live like this. Happiness teases me and runs away. Nobody, not even joy wants to have anything to do with me.
I started taking drugs again to spice things up. 30 hits of LSD in the fridge. Nothing matters so why not escape this sad existence. I just wish I had someone to join me.
Just put me down. Anyone, please…
that would be so nice, i’m just so tired of being bored and stressed, i have friends and stuff i just don’t like the ups and downs of living. i’m actually thinking about doing it, i’m not religious, so im not worried about hell or anything, i just really hope its like sleeping forever.that would be so nice
I’m bored so….The first time, I was 14, I was scared to death my dad had a meeting at the school and he was going to find out I was flunking out. Â I went into the cabinet and poured a bunch of Aspirin into my hand and swallowed them. Â I laid in bed and closed my eyes. Â This was my most sincere attempt because at the time thats what I knew, I had heard on TV (lots of times) about overdosing on pills. My teenaged brain didn’t have the defense mechanisms it has today. Â All that happened was I ended up sleeping for 14 hours and then running away when I woke up. Â 15 years later my life was again unbearable. Â This time I had my own house. Â By now I had learned through media that sitting in your running car in an enclosed garage would put you peacefully to sleep. Â This time my objective was to kill myself so that the pain would end and certain family members would feel the pain that I felt they were inflicting on me. Â Unfortunately my brain didn’t allow me to sit in the car for longer than 15 minutes or so as I continued to see images of my 4 year old nephew and newborn niece. Â So I stayed alive, eventually I got on anti-depressants (for awhile) and fought through to now 10 years later where I find myself again looking up things like suicide by bbq and reading and writing on the suicide project. Â But I know I cant do it. Â My niece and nephew are awesome but their mom has kicked me out of “her” family. Â I feel like this will pass but I dont know for sure and when. Â So now I just am. Â I just sit and look at the wall, the ceiling, out the window. Â I get bored and check the 2 or 3 things that mean nothing on this computer. Â I’m never hungry but I’m always looking in the fridge, I usually just drink some water. Â I guess I’m going to go back to couch now and do the only thing I can do, close my eyes and dream of being in a better place, even though I know those thoughts will be interrupted by the real thoughts that I’m alone and even my own family hates me.
okay this has nothing to do with suicide i just need to get this out you don’t have to read if ya don’t want to.
So my bff likes this guy and he’s amazing he’s taller than me (I’m 5’9 in the seventh grade) and he loves all the music I do, he connects with me, and we never get bored of eachother when we talk… it’s clear that i like him too. and I realllllyyy really like him, and I think he likes me (he always stares at me and smiles when I come and talk to him and smiles whenever he sees me….) and I just feel like if emily (my bestie) likes him, I feel like a horrible friend for liking him too, I feel like a backstabbing ***** because i’m his friend… so I just sit back and help her try to snag him while my heart is all but jumping out of my body.
I’m a horrible best friend, I don’t deserve to be her friend, I’m a *****…I should stop talking to him altogether… but…. i…. can’t….
I’m a *****
Dammit i feel like crap im scared to admit it. Ive just contradicted the past things ive said…i always do. Im really so confused. Fuck the paion is just so harsh it makes me want to give up and just stop trying because its too painfull to do anything. I admit im feeling shitscared about my dr appt today yes its orrational but nonetheless it is there. My thoughts just dominate me togeat lengths.
I honesrly dont even know what im thinking or what i want. its fuckinghard to explain
i havent had anysleep tonite. No desire for it i take Dvantage of the peCefullnite. Goddamit it really sucks being me no fucking pleasure i just feel sick.
God just end it. Cwonstant mental torture. Mey thoughts are taking over . Help.
Im feeling suicidal right bow not that i would do it.i just wnt the pain gone.
Its terrible not knowing how to express how you feel.
Jusy thinking about all the terrible experiences i had and all of them yet to come. Im feeling like its not worth it. I just would rather be doing nothing in nothingness. No pain.
Im sick of the same shit everyday and knowing im too weak to change it.
Im sick of being bored with life i justwant to scream it out.
Im sick of talking im sick of thinking sick of breathing, chores, pain, people, worry, hiding, trying sck of not gettig whay i want sick of feeling like.shit sick of getting walked over am sick of it.
I had this dream the other night. I can tell about it because it was quite detailed and made at least a little sense while most of my dreams don’t. Though I can’t fully figure it out, but I can link it to my daily fears. It will take Â some time to read, I tried to put it as close as I could.
The “action” took place in my home, that tiny apartment on the 5th floor that Â my parents own. Â I was home and they were at work as usual. Time around noon. I sat at our kitchen table watching some crap on my laptop. Don’t know what exactly it was, it didn’t seem important at that time. Â Then almost immediately I heard Â some movement outside the frontdoor to the apartment, like the lock being turned when the key is inserted. (When we all leave the apartment we usually use all the 4 locks, for protection. But when anyone stays in, only 2 locks are used.) So as soon as I heard the noise, it made me feel uneasy, because none of my parents would return so early and even if they did, they would ring the bell first or knock on the door.
So I turned Â to look at the door and listened more closely to make sure it was there. And indeed, the noise grew louder and louder as keys rattled. The weird clicks of the locks made me jump in fear as I understood someone was trying to get in uninvited. I instantly thought of a burglar breaking in and rushed to the door to get the other locks and hinder whoever was on the other side, but before I could reach it, in a matter of seconds, the door swung open and a stranger whose appearance I vaguely remember stepped in. He was obviously startled to see me. He didn’t say a word, and I was numb too as we stared at each other. Shocked, I didn’t know which way to turn or what to do. Then a thought flashed across my mind, that now he would possibly go for the safe, where we keep all our money and valuables. Surprisingly, but he seemed to catch this thought on the fly and glanced toward the safe, which was just a couple steps away from the door.
I panicked. I was so scared he would take all our money and possessions, and then when my parents come home from work they would go ballistic and accuse me of letting him do it. I felt I couldn’t just stand cowardly beside and watch him empty the safe. Somehow I thought calling the police would be unhelpful ’cause he would already have fled by the time they arrived. Otherwise, I couldn’t come up with anything wiser than grabbing a big knife out of the kitchen cabinet and proceeding to attack the burglar. I don’t remember what exactly and how I did, it was all too fast, but the knife never even scratched him. Instead, I ended up being stabbed in the side with that same knife.
I was astonished and disappointed at the same time, and in a lot of pain. As I slowly descended to the floor, I whispered to him that he may kill me, but please leave the safe alone. But he wasn’t listening. He was already by the safe preparing to crack it open. Everything started to fade when all of the sudden, a seemingly familiar figure came leisurely in through the opened door and stopped next to the burglar. That’s when all my feelings changed from despair to disgust, when I saw it was my father(!) He stood there over me not at all bothered neither by the presence Â of the burglar, Â nor by the site of me, half-alive.
As I staggered to my feet Â he looked at me, scornfully and disapprovingly, and muttered something about me failing some kind of test. That moment I realized I was dreaming. I looked at the safe, still intact, then back at the two people facing me. I wondered to myself, why the fuck?? And then I woke up.
The dream was at all short, but it was very vivid. Upon waking up I didn’t feel any guilt for failing to defend the safe, but rather intense loathing for my father for purposefully putting me through all this shit to test what, my loyalty? Â Well anyway, I’m not a watchdog.
Anyway, as soon as I rose from the bed, I automatically secured all the locks first thing. I knew this could never happen in reality. I mean, nobody would be able to get in so easily, and all the more I wouldn’t be so clumsy with knives were it to get that far. Yet that dream event kept me on the lookout for the rest of the day. I was thinking how far I could go at all if something unpredictable happened. Â And how I would then be judged for doing or not doing something.
I never get it why people like to judge so much. They literally need someone to judge. Why? To seem more intelligent, important, or to just “pass the time” finding fault with someone? It may or may not be useful if they Â took up judging themselves and not the others, at least they would shut up for some time.
I dont know where to start.Everyday , before I sleep , I pray to God to take my life.I don wanna live anymore.I want to start with my father.He doesnt care about me , He didnt care about me till today ,btw I am 23.He only thinks money.He gave me little money even he can afford much.For example,in November , I wanted to him to buy me boots because mines were old(I was using them for 5 years).He said ok , and we went to shopping.After we bought them he abused at me hurl.Why does a dad do something like that to his son although he had lots of money.He only boasted about me with my success to show that he is a good father.I hate that.And he tried to cheat my mom many times.I think he is still trying to find another ways to cheat her.My mom cared about me , she did a lot things but lately she doesnt care about me she only cares about her facebook friends.And also she doesnt do any houseworks.She says she will break up with dad she only stands her for me and my brother.After we finished our schools , she will divorce.My brother , I dont even exist for him.He is 19.I did lots of things for him before.While my mum and dad was working I took care of him , I fed him , I followed him at school.But now what I have ? Nothing.He abuses at me hurl everytime.Everything that I did before , was for nothing. I realized that I am not important for them.And my friends ?I am a shy guy.I doesnt have a girlfriend , I didnt have also.I wish I had a girlfriend that I can share my problems.I have friends but I didnt tell them about these stuff.I am pretending like I am happy.I am not.I dont wanna make them bored with my problems.They have own problems already.I’ve read a post , an 15 year old boy said that If he had an opportunity to give my life to the sick people who want to live , he will.I think the same way.I dont deserve anything , anyone.When I want to achive anything , it goes worser and worser.Only thing that I am succesfull are my lectures.So , why would I live ? For what ? For who? I admit that I dont have enough courage to suicide.But I want to try.I want to try to cut or drugs.I am tired of unfair of life.Even while I am breathing , I feel like I steal oxygens of other people who want to live.Thats it.Thanks for reading.I hope I will be dead soon , no matter the way.
Rules are made to enslaveÂ boredom is there to tell you it’s time to change the viewÂ i just want to find the cheat codes so i can fly
everytime i turn on the tv i feel like smashing the roomÂ i hate to work and be taxed because people i don’t know are having it a little worse then meÂ all i find are lies dyed in virtueÂ i hate this world because a hero gets a bullet in the head and the villain gets a medal
SomeoneÂ else has to tell me how to live because god said so or half the people elected a puppet.My family doesn’t know shit about me and theyÂ try to hold me as a hostage on this world because they will miss my image.All my friends have found their path.
So here’s an idea if you’re tired and friendless find some kindred spirits chose a spot and begin a new life of fun when you’re bored throw a party and aim for the sky.
Boot777 asked me what my main problems are that cause my suicidal thoughts. I decided to make a post of it, so here it is. Well, there isn’t really one problem you can point at that causes the suicidal thoughts. Actually, there are a lot of things that cause them. I am not telling you all of them, because probably I’ll forget one or two and that’s going to be bored, so I’m going to tell the important one’s (I guess). I’ve been bullied from my fourth untill now. The worst part was at age of 11, 12 I guess. I was at elemntary school and my whole class turned against me. They were waiting for me after school to follow me home or to push me of bike or to beat me. It also happened at school, cheating at me, making calls of me (they call me things as ugly, fat, milk bottle and so on) , abuse at me, beat me and so on. The whole class was against me, I felt really small. At home I didn’t told my parents how bad it was, because I felt I had no right to talk about my problems, because my father is bipolar and I thought he needed the attention. They knew I was bullied, but not how worse it was. I told my teachers several times, showed them bruises of the beating, but they wouldn’t believe me. I’ve lost my faith and trust in people, and after elementary school my trust and faith in people I trusted also disappeared, because the people I trusted misused it. Besides that thing about bullied and not feeling home and stuff there is also another factor on school. When I went to secondary school, the advice was Gymnasium (not a place where you sport, in The Netherlands it’s a level on school based on how smart you are and this is most smart and you have Greek and Latin) because my Cito-score (a test to find out which level you have to do on secondary school) was 548 (highest is 550). So I went to first class, Gymnasium. But besides I got good notes, something went wrong. In the second class I stopped with Greek and Latin so I was in level VWO. Also in that class something went wrong, I got most of the time good notes like 7 or 8. At the end of third class I went to level HAVO (a step lower than VWO) but fourth class also didn’t got well. I did my best and I was interested and motivated, but for example English I got an 8 for a test, but also a 3. And I couldn’t finish everything on time. So I got stucked in that routine and it kind of totally went wrong. I also did an IQ-test and my score was about 127, so HAVO must be really easy for me, but it wasn’t. And till now I don’t know what it is. Soon I will get some new tests on things like ADD, ADHD, ASS and stuff. These are my main problems why I got stranded in a depression and stuff.
Boot777, I hope I answered you question good enough XD.
Bored and tired but cant go to sleep even tho its still pretty early over here. Anybody wanna talk?
I am Ammoniacku and i am 21 and live in Eastern Europe.
I suffer from OCD and depression. In fact i have been anxious and depressed my whole life. You wanna know why? I am just bored beyond anything by people, in fact even writing this message bores me to death.
I find most people boring and they are turned off by my sarcasm and humour and in fact i think most humans are phony. In Â fact, i declare myself the Holden Caulfield of eastern europe. I hate all social cliques, i am bored beyond my mind by the college i am doing, i have no skills and i probably will hate having a job so much i won’t have any. Besides that my OCD is so severe it makes socialising hard and learning new stuff as well. I dunno what i will do after i finish college but in order to resist the stress of a job you must first have something that relieves that stress, i have nothing, for me even living is stressing.
I suffer from such severe fatigues i barely can get myself to wash and stuff. I hate most ppl personalities and humour and all society s culture seems to be in direct opposite to what i stand for. So being, i have an extreme feeling of hopelessnes, a feeling that nothing matters and so on and on.
My parents are obsessive protective fuckers who make me feel even worse with their non-senses and i just care about nothing in general.
So chances are i dnt like you anyway, and if i am going to kill myself i am going to do it in a funny shocking provokative way, i am thinking but first i just want to show ppl how i don t like them. It could have been better but i am just a weird hard to please being and i just don t get it anyway..
Just fancied a rant on a lonely Saturday eve…
cant seem to get excited about Xmas this year and dreading New Year’s Eve as usual…. Makes me feel inadequate…just lost my sat job cos I wasn’t well enough to man a crisis line- was just taking msgs though couldn’t help think of all the unhappy ppl out there and the worried relatives making those calls, could be my mum ringing up…. And yet still dream of not being here, just sitting at home doing nothing, I can’t even be bothered be think positively, knowing that I do have it an awful lot better than most…. I know what to do to be happy yet I can’t see a reason to do it, I’m not even sure I want to be happy, yet this isn’t good either…. So ambivalent about it all. Don’t have the strength to keep fighting this day after day, its been over half my life, just too difficult to do anything…
My deal is odd, even I see this. I am not angry or sad nor do I hate anyone or have anything to blame of anyone. I am simply bored with life or tired of it, I find my self excited over the thought of finishing the final chapter in life however I do understand once I am gone; My wife will be heart broken as will the rest of my family so when this happens I need to make sure they are taken care of (financially) which may bring them a sense of relief and make the mourning process more bearable. My overpriced life insurance doesnt cover suicide which is a downer in its self. Anyways I am loved and I also love my family but somewhere inside of me this emotion I cannot explain has silenced all of the other emotions or the ones that really matter…..the zest for life. How do I get the zest back or get the life insurance to pay. If I could get assistance with one of these dilemas then I am all ears.
I’ve been browsing here for some time now and I have to say each one of your personal stories have always helped me in some way so much obliged I strongly believe that expressing how you feel can assist you in finding a way to continue if it may only be for a few extra moments. Let me first say you can just call me Chance is a name I’ve aquired over the years for all the triumphs I’ve overcome over the past 10 years or so. I’m like everyone else I’ve loved I’ve lost overcome miscarriages with past relationships, been bullied, lost my ass financially,lost many friends though there’s always been the egotistical ones that have stuck around so essentially I consider myself very alone. Through all of this its been very dibilitating to say the least but I’ve always been able to recover it always took far longer then I wanted but it happened I should also mention I used to be an addict and sometimes struggle with it aswell. My story takes a turn for those of you who are now bored of reading this. I too had thoughts of ending it all and escaping I was always good at that a phantom if you will but I never went through with it, infact it just kind of happened unwillingly my heart stopped and for a few hours before I was found I was dead I got difibulated back to life and let me tell you that shit hurts like hell but while I was out it wasn’t all peaceful and great like you might imagine there was a shade of white as the brain was shutting down there was a slide show of my life but again it was just the brain suffocating. There was no meaning in that place just darkness and nobody and nothing now I didn’t have much before but anything was better then being in that spot. So for those of you contimplating ending it all please find a meaning to stay around and stick it through you honestly aren’t given anything you can’t handle people with difficult situations are the worlds toughest soldiers and think of those people with rose coated lives aren’t as strong because given your circumstances whatever they may be they would be far more lost then you so hang in there and I hope this helps somebody if only just one person..
bored. Anybody wanna talk?
aim/yahoo messenger: artzygrl1919
c u t e c o p p e r Â 1 9 @ h o t m a i l Â . c o m
i dont wanna sleep……soooooo who wants to talk?
Keep me, alive
everyone is damage inside
don’t deserve anything ofÂ whatÂ I have
life is selfish, so am I.
Dead elms turn alive
while the virgin is mourning inside
dark poison and puke
blood and dead flowers .
Pearls resting inside the water
I am the mad hatter
insane, lost, sappy
I filled my lungs with love .
I donâ€™t know why but these days Iâ€™ve been feeling tired, mentally. I feel bored easily, I donâ€™t feel passionate about what I do every day and I just feel like dying just to discover whether God exist or not. Itâ€™s like I lost my motivation to live and I donâ€™t know what I held on since I started living, having said that nothing major happened to my life but as each month pass by, it gets worse. Donâ€™t really care about things happening around me, habits that I used to have got really dull and I started to question the point of living. Some people live for God/Gods, others live for personal reasons but for me, I just live so that I wonâ€™t give burden to anyone. Is life getting boring or am I getting dull?
i just dont know how i feel anymore, about anything? that doesent really make sence but thats how i feel. i feel completly alone, dont really get out of bed either.. when i go see a few of my close friends i feel normal and good for a while but i suppose thats because i just get stoned.Â i suppose ive told them how i feel but they dont get it, they just reply with shit like things will get better but i dont feel like they will? i feel empty and drained and bored of living. i litterally stay in bed and listen to depressing music all day everyday.