…You would think that my heart would stop allowing them in. You would think that my brain would stop being a pushover and finally tell my heart what to do. You would think that my heart had become so callous and cold from the way that I was treated, but it is not. I’ve been able to shoot and kill people and flinch not. I’ve been able to bloody a face beyond recognition and not feel an ounce of remorse…You would think I was cold…but yet, I allow myself to love again, care again. Repaving the painful path of cutting and suicidal thoughts taking the chance […]
Tag:
Brain
Poem and how I’m feeling
I log on to my pc
I built it with my own hands and money
I see the backdrop of a starry sky and moon
In my ear I have a music box tune running
And tears are trying to flood into the room
A simple child’s song that brings out memories I wish I had
Each little tinkle, trickle and bom
A music box, xylophone, a trumpet and an instrument unknown
From innocence it sends me
Unto the darker strokes that bring the sadness to the fore
It highlights a lot of inconsistencies
And points out a lot of hard choices I’ve had […]
I have been depressed before and had thoughts of suicide, but the fact is that in life, you go through phases and cycles.
Some things might seem today to be SO BAD that you cannot overcome them- yet down the track they will go away and you will be able to look back on today’s situation with NO EMOTIONAL REACTION.
The key is that you need to hold out for that future instead of giving up.
IF you are running a long distance race, you can’t just quit halfway because it seems too hard.  The race is hard and unpleasant, but the prize is at the end and only if you […]
My uncle died last night. It might have been drugs or maybe the police using a stunner had something to do with it. It is a rough blow, but I’ve always been able to deal with the big things in life. I suspect many around here feel the same.
It has always been the petty indignities that hurt the most. I really am more hurt about a friend blowing me off and not coming to visit like he said he would. I think about my uncle, about how his story didn’t have a happy ending. He was a lonely person at the end of his life […]
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m a 15 year old boy, a straight A student who just finished freshman year at a relatively good school. I am a decent track and cross country athlete, and my family loves me very much. Yet, I still constantly feel alone and useless.
I don’t quite understand people. I see people I know having fun, hanging out, and I don’t know, I can’t seem to find myself normal friends. There are plenty of people I talk to (about once a week each, about serious shit usually). I don’t know how “suicide attempt” is defined on this site, but […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dh3Z1_08Ess
Please understand
This isn’t just goodbye
This is I can’t stand you
This is where the road crashed into the ocean
It rises all around me
And now we’re barely breathing
A thousand faces we’ll choose to ignore
Curse my enemies forever
Let’s slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
This desperation leaves me overjoyed
With fading lights that lead us past the lives that we destroy
I listen to you cry
A cry for less attention
But both my hands are tied
And I’m pushed into the deep end
I listen to you talk but talk is cheap
And my mouth is filled with […]
to die. So I’m pretty sure I’m done I am very serious but can’t become 100% certain. I can’t function around people, I have been deeply depressed for around 7 years, My motivation in life is to hurt those who hurt me nothing more and nothing less. I have no real goals or dreams in life, I have been on alot of medication, tried everything, have no reason to live and am almost sure I am incapable of love or happiness or even being content. I don’t want to live in any society and I wont do anything I don’t want to. I don’t want […]
Generally I’m more of an observer and a listener than the person who actually speaks. I never blog, and NEVER talk to anyone about how unhappy I really am. But I need a listener for a change – an unbiased, unjudgemental listener. My life has been a traumatic mess, and has created in me an emotional, unstable, and lost little girl. At the same time, I am a very logical and sensible person, and I realize that dwelling on things (especially things from the past) is unhealthy, and probably a part of the reason I’m so miserable. These 2 people argue in my brain – […]
For so many years of my life, I’ve endured the constant feeling of sadness and feeling alone. Every day, progressively worse than the last. Then the day came where I met someone who gave me a breathe of fresh air in my life, and gave me a purpose and reason to live. How great it was to love something more than yourself. She lives 10 hours away, I sold everything I own in this world to go see her, I leave tomorrow.
But why is it I’m so close, but I feel so scared? I feel as though I’ve already lost her, and I haven’t even […]
From 3rd – 5th grade I was that sweet and shy little innocent girl but then when 6th grade came I turned into a tougher girl and still am. I hate the new me, I hate my life, I hate everything! I just want to go back to the sweet and shy little innocent girl I was years ago. Ever since my dog, Lillie, died the day after my birthday in February this year I have become so depressed. She was like a dog version of me. I loved her. But then God decided to take her away from me by making her […]
“How Nice To Feel Nothing, and Still Get Full Credit For Being Alive.”
by MilesToGo
written by MilesToGo
That’s a quote from one of my all time favourite novels, Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I have plans to get the book’s mantra, ‘so it goes’, tattooed somewhere on my body.
Which, is kind of at odds with posting on a suicide website, isn’t it?
I don’t actually know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed – I’ve never gone to a doctor or a counseller. I think about suicide on a near-daily basis; not in some abstract way, but with regards to methodologies, and having a suicide note on my laptop which I regularly update to correspond with the messages I want […]
they say knowledge is power
I say it’s a curse
To not know the truth is my desire
For ignorance is heaven on earth
To not know how cruel this world can be
To not know what is going to happen to me
Because my destiny is known by none but fate
They know the event but not the date
On which I’ll die, without a tear in my eye
Because I will have prayed for it all to end
To not know how far gone humanity has become
To not know how much love has stung my heart
And torn apart
My life from my soul
**pardon my lack of grammar and editing but i just don’t give enough of a damn.**
I’m only fifteen.
I have spent my tiny little life feeling like I’m on the outside of everything looking in on it.
Do you know the feeling, like you are the only one who realizes just how fucked up everything is? I do and i feel that way every day. All the rich white people at my overly socially competitive high school, my family life, society, the way our world works, life, they all seem like a circus act to me. i feel like almost every person on earth sees life as a fluffy cake with sweet pink […]
I’m a semi-normal thirteen-year-old. Sitting at his computer desk, eating milk and cookies after he gets home from a hard day at school. But in my hand is a pair of scissors, worn from use. I am cutting myself. But once you look past the fat and scars (physical and mental) I am a good person. And I accept that. I don’t hate myself, it’s just my douchebag brain making me take everything the kids at school say to me like they’re true. And some of the things are. I feel mostly carefree, except for the fact that I fail at everything, including killing myself. […]
Sorry for my bad English, I’m Dutch/French (I’m a 18 years old, school dropout). I hope this all makes somewhat sense…
I was seen as a child prodigy when I was child (learned myself read at a young age and I went directly to second year of primary school), but everything went bad in secundary school. I feel totally useless. I have nothing to live for. The expectations that society has, the expectations I have of myself. The reality that doesn’t fit the expectations. My apathy towards humans, towards my family. I have no friends, I never needed friends, neither have I desired to have friends. I […]
the past few days have been a blur really… like its all just a dream.. tho i know its not.. my brain is all jumbled up.. i try to think and i freak out a bit becuz it just get worse.. ugh life.. i go to the doctors today for my seconds check up about my depression.. hopefully it goes good… i feel so lost.. so very very lost in this world… i have no idea where im going..
-RawrImaTurtle…..
A boy in my school committed suicide on Tuesday…he hung himself…I’ve been destraut about it since I found out. No one ever knew he would try to..no one even knew he was upset with his life. If I had known I would have tried to talk to him. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember and have wanted to die for years now. Obviously I wouldn’t encourage him…I would have tried to get him off the ledge. He was a great kid. Everyone knew him and loved him even at our huge school. But after this happened it got me thinking…how horrible […]
This quote is in several articles online about happiness.
“First, your brain adjusts feelings of happiness downward after you’ve reached some goal or other. It regulates the good feelings, presumably so that you have motivation to reach the next goal instead of just lounging by the pool for the rest of your days. “
Which can sort of be related to the Matrix quote
Agent Smith: “Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world? Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming […]
I guess I’m just confused. I can’t even decide what to write. I don’t feel like cutting anymore, or even killing myself. I don’t even feel like being dead. I suppose this means the cymbalta’s working. I just don’t want to live. I still have panic attacks daily and thats really the only time IÂ actually feel connected to the world around me. The rest of the time I feel like a real person sitting in a cartoon movie – almost like I’m looking down on everything.I keep making mini suicide attempts though (overdosing, ect.) that I know won’t actually kill me. Part of my brain […]
I have no one to trust or talk to. Not even myself. I’m too embarrassed to overview my thoughts with myself. I’m getting tempted to eat because I have absolutely nothing else to do. Psychiatric drugs have devestated my brain, left me in a permanent confused oblivious fog. Post here if you have the time to communicate with me.