I keep hearing people say, it gets better or that now I can start over fresh. They tell me to keep my chin up & my nose down. Keep myself busy, focus on work but remember to relax & take some time to enjoy things. They tell me I will feel better soon and the words sting like tiny cuts exposed to the cold black ocean. Every word they utter another crack at my facade & I wonder how much they see. They must see more than I think since most of my conversations end up here. Oh to be like my baby sister who […]
2 Tuesdays ago I accidently bet 33 black and won. I was playing bitcoin roulette. I thought I was betting odd. It won a near max bet and I won 1500 worth. I proceeded to gamble that into 10,000 dollars over the last weeks. I have won about 17,000 dollars profit worth of bitcoin this year. I was able to pay many debts. My girlfriend told me I’m a part of her. It means the world to me. I wish I was dead. I wish I was dead. I’m basically broke. I was in all kinds of debt. Now I’m just broke. I wish I […]
I ruined a friendship with one of my best friends because of work stress and now all I can think about is that I am a huge fuckup and want to die. I don’t even care about the job. I care about my friend. Why do I always get angry and push people away like this? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It all seems so illogical and distant now.
My kik is prefectlybroken504. I need someone to talk to before I walk out my house and go to the nearest bridge and jump. I’m lost and broken and need help picking up the pieces. I don’t want to live but i do. I think my thoughts are getting the best of me. And I don’t know what to do. I’m 22 years old. I’ll be 23 in a few months if I live that long.
Im kinda hesitant in posting this… I was raped by my father when I was 7 years old. I still remember the blood that was everywhere after he finished his thrill… What kinda person does that to his little girl, over and over again? I am now 25 years old. and I cant seem to get over this… I literally feel like screaming all the time. I am trapped inside an adult body. All I can ever think about is suicide. I dont want to live with the memories of something so horrible.
My dad was a crackhead. He’d allow his drunk/ high GROWN men to […]
You ask me if I’m okay, I say I’m fine.
I Lied
“Do you want a hug?””No”, I replied.
I lied
“Something wrong?””No”, I said.
I lied
The only time I tell the truth is when I’m broken down, and crying.You say It’ll be all right
You lied.
All i ever wanted was love, or to be loved by everyone i came in contact with…..But you see….It’s harder for me….Because…Well….I’m ME…. I’m broken…. And no one wants a broken toy….I know i’m different from everyone else…But that doesn’t mean i have to be treated as such…I just want someone who will love me…for Me and not judge me for my wrongs…I’ve had many friends….But We’ve either drifted away, had a fight, or been back stabbed…I just want someone who won’t walk out when i show signs of mental pain and leave me like road kill…. Just a few days ago i attempted Suicide….but apparently the driver […]
i thought you would be there for me
you promised me that you would
but now you broke that promise
and you may have broken me
but do i let you know about my shattered heart
about the tears running down my face
about the urge to cut because i need you
do i let you know about the sadness dwelling inside of me
of course not because that would break you
and if i broke you i would be indirectly breaking myself
its sad how i know that you dont need me
as much as i need you in my life
but yet i […]
I had managed to carve out a nice life. I was happy, we were happy. Sitting on the couch smoking a bowl, laughing at silly things on T.V.
I lost him, my best friend, my brother, my partner in crime, my husband boo. It seemed like we beat the odds, you know? Finding each other. The job I had was great. We took long weekend trips to random places just because it sounded fun.
Being anywhere with him was fun.
The thought of you hurts because you are not here, nor would I want you to be… what I am now is not what I was.
Life moves along […]
⊗
Tonight the pain will stop.
I can not  hang on any longer.
It’s hard to bare the pain.
 I’ve lost all hope.
All I see is darkness.
They is no light in my life
 I’ve tried so hard.
To find hope and happiness
Just to face failure in every turn.
I’m lost and broken.
I’m unrepairable.
tomorrow will come.
but i’ll be gone.
⊗
What if I don’t want to move on anymore?
What if I feel so done with this world and life?
What if I dread waking up every morning?
What if I feel disappointed that I hadn’t died?
What if I am so hurt in this life that I can’t be fixed?
I can’t live like this anymore.
I’m so close to death.
I haven’t felt loved in months.
I have felt hated.
I’ve been hurt so much.
The young girl that was once inside of me
The young girl that was filled with hope
Filled with love and joy
The little girl that had a beautiful imagination
Oh its been so long
So very very long
Since the last time
I talked to you
About everything thats going on
I know I’ve been vague
I’ve been mysterious
But I have to keep things
Feelings thoughts etc
From you
So you don’t worry about me
But maybe it’s time
Time to tell you how I am.
How am I?
Physically?
Sore.
I feel broken.
I’ve got a few scars.
Yeah from that.
I don’t know how to cope.
I thought I could manage
I guess not.
How am I?
Mentally?
Terrible.
Awful.
Horrible.
Every day criticism.
Yelling.
Slapping.
One of my lights went […]
today marks the 4 year mark of when me and my friend Hunter met… I still remember how we met. I tweeted saying “happy 6 year anniversary Mean Girls!!” and he replied with “On Wednesdays we wear pink” and instantly we started following each other on twitter and got to know each other really well. We were really close for 3.5 years. I was there for him when he got disowned by his parents and family, I was there when he had his heart surgery and almost died, I was there through 3 of 5 rehab trips, I was there to help him plan his […]
Not going to lie.. It’s been a strange, strange week… So I guess I’ll start with a little back-story.
I’ve always found it difficult to make friends because.. well before they’re friends, they’re strangers. And I can’t speak to strangers. It’s just always been a thing with me… I know what you’re thinking. Just another awkward teen… But that’s the thing. I’m awkward with my friends…  Strangers are just downright unbearable. Just the mere thought of talking to someone I don’t know can send me spiralling into a major panic attack. I can’t order food, taxis, return broken items because I’m afraid that I’ll have to explain […]
I feel better today than I did last night or the day before yesterday. I guess all of they crying cleansed me in a way. I do not cry for myself, I have been able to overcome my MDD, ADD, and BPD and make a pretty good life for myself. As many of you know, I am not suicidal, I guess you could say I am here to save the world. I understand that some people become angry with people like me and for that I am very sorry.
No, I do not cry for myself, I cry for my son, I cry for the […]
i realized i’m very self centered.
i’m all about me. i feel like the world should stop and help me fix all my feelings. but that never happens nor will it ever.
i’m a broken record reiterating my problems, feelings and concerns to the world expecting help or consolation.
screw it
I wrote this song for the broken people out there.
It’s been posted in mp3 format on sp, but for those who may need encouragement, or for those who may just need to feel that someone cares, this song is for you.
You can always comment, or drop me a line. On my chanel is also a song called in this world, of which has been posted on this site as well, and you can check that one out as well, if you would like.
brl.cents@gmail.com
If you are reading this, please listen with an open heart.
My best friend committed suicide on March 14th. She had an account on this website that i just came across and she had posted asking about ways she could do it, and my already shattered heart broke a thousand times more as i read the comments telling her how. As much as apart of me wants to respond with so much anger to anyone who encouraged her in how to end her life, a bigger part of me also breaks for all the others who were in her same numb state. She had talked with […]
giggles, smiles, happy moments
shattered broken and
Disappearing replaced with a broken heart and tears
A deeper darkness than you will ever know
Pushing on is to much
Causing more and more pain
The thought is more sweet than ever
Maybe it would be better
Everyone would be happy
The Darkness grows stronger with each passing day
Why fight
Why resist
Its the better option
Everyone else would be happy
I’ll admit it, I still think about her every day. I don’t want to. The memories are wrong, twisted. They don’t bring a smile, or a feeling of joy. They just bring me down. The happiest moments of my life, and they are all fake. Oh, at the time I didn’t know they were fake, but now I know. Lying in bed together, holding her as she fell asleep. The love I felt for her, the love she felt for me. The happiest moment. But it was a lie. There was no love from her, no feeling at all.
I burned whatever bridge was left […]