Once again I failed to go through with it. I’m starting to look more like a whiny attention seeker with each post. Maybe I just want this broken heart to heal and the suffering to go away. I will try and stop my posting.
Tag:
broken
I’ve never posted here before, but I have read other’s stories. Honestly, they’ve helped me feel like i’m not the only one who feels a despair and hopelessness so deep, we feel we’ll never get back out. Life has always been hard, but I’ve been able to fight through it. A big FUCK YOU to society. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be someone of value despite the roadblocks life has thrown at me, and the impossible expectations people have. But I’ve come to realize it’s all an endless cycle. And I wish it would all just stop. Â Sorry for the long […]
I can’t breathe, I can’t think. My heart is broken, my life is broken, I am broken. My mom shot herself 2 years ago and I’m trying to not think these thoughts, make these plans..I just can’t help it. I am so sad and alone and lost. I always wanted my legacy to be something extraordinary, special. It didn’t work out. Â My life has been one tragedy, one struggle, after another. Â People say I’m smart & beautiful, but I’m not. I never married because I didn’t want to ‘settle’.. but people just assume there’s something wrong with me. Every night I come home to an […]
Is it possible for this sadness to break my body, every breath i take hurts like theirs something broken in my chest that spreads down to my arms and leg. This neverending tiredness that makes every step painful like the next movement is the one that will make my body crumble.
I think people are getting tired of me being that fucking sad all the time.
Worst part is that I am too. I hate myself. I hate being sad. I hate feeling stupid. I hate feeling useless. I hate this fucking anxiety.
I don’t want the world having this picture of me anymore. I don’t want them to think that I’m just looking for attention, or that I’m a poor sad broken kid.
But I can’t stop crying. And it’s been almost two years of crying almost every day. I should be dry by now.
And I keep reading about depressed people being unable to […]
I’m just a typical girl who wants to be loved by a family because I never have a chance to feel that on my own family. I’ve tried too much times to killed myself but still I’m alive. Still not happy and still nobody cares about my existance. You don’t need to have a broken family to feel like incomplete your whole life I, myself was as example of it. I might have both parents but they don’t care for me a little bit. I need to work on my own to have the things that I needed. How I wished to have some parents […]
Mama said to hold on to the most basic emotion, love
Love, failed me over and over as I bled from all the cuts,
Cuts, done by unseen sharps as she again let me down,
Down, further in hole than the last one,
I can not be undone, but I am broken,
And none see those hopeless moments
They see the iron-will in me and its all false
In the end it shows, they see as I rot
Can’t hold on for long, I tried
Play the song “When I’m gone” when I’m gone
Remember when I asked if
I should do it? Well, I did. I sent him a message, I said happy birthday, have a great day, wish you the best, hope you’re doing fine, may the force be always with you blah blah… And so far he didn’t answer. I guess that’s my sign.
Tomorrow is my birthday, well, in a couple of hours, so I don’t know, I don’t have that excitement I felt when I was 18, that was the last time I felt excited about my birthday. Ever since all has been plain, simple, the feeling of “whatever” and it’s sad. I don’t […]
the question i seem to keep coming back to as I try to survive another day imprisoned in my mind, body, house, bed. most days in too much pain physically or emotionally to function but have continued to fight my deepest desires and desperation at times because of ‘family’ even though I rarely see them as I try to spare them of me. literally the only comfort I have is knowing they dont see my pain, and I dont burden them.I cant accept being broken once was just emotionally but now chronic pain has taken my only ability to contribute to community and family or […]
ok so about 9 months ago i started dating this guy named mike and we would last 3-4 months break up and get back together about 3 months ago we broke up and hardly talked for thoes three months but then about 2 weeks ago i started talking more to his sister cause shes pretty cool and then i startd talking to him again because this whole time we have been broken up hes all i can think about… well we made plans that after i worked saturday i would get picked up and go to mikes sisters house, kim, but then friday mike was […]
I’ve built my life on trust… confiding in people, caring for them, loving them. And today I’ve realised most, if not all, have broken my trust in the last few weeks, when I needed them most. Â I’m doubting whether or not people are worth it… Is trust really not worth it?
I have no reason to lie. I’m not a liar…never been good at it. I’m a good man. Everyone I’ve met I’ve helped and loved but I’ve been treated really really badly all my life. I’m 53 and from the moment I was born and my physically and psychologically violent father trashed me, to sexual abuse from another family member, to cancer at 17yrs old, to 3 near death experiences, to disability, to 8 abusive relationships (that totally broke me), to 3 suicide attempts, self harm and the list is actually over 50 separate life changing events I can no longer live. I’m broken now…I […]
By the time someone actually pisses you off, for anything really, you’ve already lost…
I’ve gotten to the point where one asshole is more than enough to make me feel like I’d rather murder a dozen random people than sit idly, or prehaps even myself (god forbid >->). Not because they have any relation at all, besides being human. Natural instinct leads me to hate my own race, and wants it exterminated…
All it really is though, is just displacement, ‘taking your anger out on others’. Some people can get by punching a pillow or yelling at a cat but ohhh no not me, I see no […]
I really am stupid arnt I? After everything you’ve said and done… I’M still here praying you’ll see me… my heart filled with false hope as I stay up all night waiting for a single word from you. Only to be heart broken every night. You left me and ended our friendship because of something I didn’t even do. Just an excuse they say. It’s just a reason for you to walk away. I truly an stupid because Im still here waiting… praying that it’s not over… that you’ll keep your promises and what you’d said weren’t lies. But the longer time passes the thinner […]
“You have broken my heart more times then the fingers on my hand can count. Yet I still carry you. You, a master whose eye have strayed for a moment on a servant such as I. All the beautiful women fought for your affection, an affection that was cast upon me. My scarred body no longer produced deep angry red cuts. You had run the demons away. Alas I am a lowly servant not nearly as beautiful as they who are your equal. Now I lay here with fresh scars without so much as a glance from you. I no longer hold your heart and […]
Days are exhausting and nights drag on.. You haunt my mind and lerk in my memory. I can never seem to get you to leave. As hard as I try to wish you away i know you’ll always be haunting me.. Broken and numb empty to the core
I miss the girl I used to be. I don’t like the person I see in the mirror anymore. She is even more broken than before. All I see are my scars. Nothing else pushes past them. But I am not in the painful bliss like I used to be. It is almost as if the pain from them has just dissolved into me. I don’t feel anything on the outside anymore and all of my emotions and thoughts that used to keep me numb are focused on the pain of the past. I’ve gotten so used to the pain just being on the outside. […]
Sorry in advance for any spelling errors. I’m writing this on my phone.
Hey guys! How’s it been going? It’s Lucy! It’s been a long time, hasn’t it ( Holy hell it’s been since September :O )? I wonder how many of you actually remember me 😛 So I’ve got some catching up to do.
First of all the reason why I’ve been absent from this site for so long is because I’ve been going to a therapist and she tells me to remove myself from the negative influences around me. I was a bit pissed in the beginning but it made sense. I deleted […]
I have to say good-bye to you,
of that,
i am quite sure.
But who do i become without you,
with a heart no longer pure?
No looks of disappointment
no smirks, or glaring eye
for you know, i always told you
when you leave, i always die.
It is a strange thing to look back upon one’s past and find that all the hopeless despair that one had envisioned for one’s self, to be found true. Worse still, to be it greater.
My first memories were from when I was 7 years old. Ever since then I have regularly wanted to die. Without break or pause, that sentiment has held as true as the flesh on my body (as scared as it may be). I had long since, premonitioned my demise and I can’t help but feel abhorrent at its truth.
I can’t even begin to describe the shear loneliness and despair that has consumed me. It […]