Tag:

brothers

It’s not what I want

by justanothergirl09 4/6/2016

written by justanothergirl09

(Today) I realized that I’m an ungrateful child.

It’s because since my mom died, I started wanting more than what I already have. It’s because I envy other kids that have both parents and siblings; it’s wanting a nicer house, nicer things. I just don’t want to be me as I hate myself. I just don’t want what I have, and I thought I was grateful for what has been given to me, but it’s not like that.

I don’t want to live with my aunt and uncle; I want real parents too. I want brothers and sisters. I want a nicer phone; I want to be […]

4/6/2016 3 comments

My brother is coming to see me

by Sui the Bunny 4/5/2016

written by Sui the Bunny

My anxiety is kicking in because of the words/fight that was exchanged between me and my brother he’s coming to see me and I couldn’t be more scared ya see family is aloud to come visit me I’m aloud to have my brothers kids for the night I’m having a panic attack and my breathing is slowly getting worse my lungs hurt and I’m hyperventilating I need to distract myself I’m all alone till he arrives….. Help me……

4/5/2016 8 comments

Day dreaming about it

by kupo95 3/26/2016

written by kupo95

The only thind that make lookk forward to lake tahoe is there nothing tieing my in-laws there they “Say there leaveing it in August” so whats keeping me from taking my life there? …. Nothing .

Theysay money is coming easy there so If I make enough. I gooe the resorts have a comfey bed and food feathered down blanket there. so I can take something to sleep and not wake up .

Or a nice bath to take box cutter to my arm and drift away I like water. My family will give up onme the second I get the plane so there no worrie about […]

3/26/2016 3 comments

Ugh I hate fine dining >.<

by Sui the Bunny 3/24/2016

written by Sui the Bunny

I have to go out to celebrate my Mother’s birthday… Such fun right?!?!?!? (sarcasm) I have to be around my brothers even more fun right?!?!?! I have to wear makeup (UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!) So fuck it throw on a Metallica top which is a hand-me-down which I ain’t ever giving away and fuck off my Mother she is what you call “Posh” and basically her head is so far up her ass your not too sure which end talks shit…. So that’s my plan for the evening hopefully I’ll be on later the only thing that i’m wearing that isn’t black is a plain blue singlet which […]

3/24/2016 3 comments

Mornings aren’t good so why say good morning?

by Sui the Bunny 3/22/2016

written by Sui the Bunny

Seriously they say good morning? Nothing good about it I fucking hate waking up early. (As you can see i’m such a morning person) Babysitting my brothers kids is such a bonus especially waking 5am Getting them ready to go to school and daycare. It ain’t my responsibility but I do it anyway because who listens to what I say anyway.

-Suicide

3/22/2016 2 comments

Consequences

by whydoiwantto 2/28/2016

written by whydoiwantto

Recently the depression has really been picking up and the desire to just end everything has gotten so much stronger.. I’ve been thinking a lot about the consequences of suicide and just feeling awful about it.

It’s like bang – gone – no more pain – rebirth or silence but at least escape – but then the thoughts of my family at my funeral, the friends who I have made future promises too, people I love and know I would hurt… Why does an act that ultimetely reflects a life long struggle and is truly personal have such a ripple effect? Why can’t I end my […]

2/28/2016 5 comments

I wish…

by iwant2_die 2/26/2016

written by iwant2_die

Where? Where was God when the bastard my brothers call ‘dad’ was hurting me? Where was he when my brother’s hand was getting burned? When Mom was beating the shit out of me? When they took me from my brothers? When my best friend and Dad were dying? I don’t fucking know. I wish i did but I don’t. I wish I believed in him everyday. I wish Mom loved me. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts in my head. I wish so many things I can’t have. But most importantly… I wish i was dead, that i never existed. That Mom would have had […]

2/26/2016 4 comments

Am i?

by iwant2_die 2/21/2016

written by iwant2_die

Today i realized something. Most people i know think i’m a heartless person. Of course they think this because they do not know what my stepfather did to me. they don’t know what it was to know that you had to give everything up in order to save your brothers and mother. you know what really sucks of that? that those brothers i tried to protect don’t know who i am. They don’t even remember who their big sister is. They just know i’m the girl that “betrayed” their mother. that what mom’s made them believe. And that hurts. But can you really blame me […]

2/21/2016 5 comments

Why?

by iwant2_die 2/9/2016

written by iwant2_die

My stepfather raped me when i was 9 and kept doing it until i was 11. he said if i ever told anyone any of this he’d kill me, my mother and brothers. Mom was never home, she was always working and didn’t even care about us. Why did i give a crap what happened to her or even my brothers? i don’t know. Mom has never loved me, shes told me before I’m the worst mistake she could ever make and i believe i am. When she found out what was going on she blamed it on me and said i was “trying to […]

2/9/2016 7 comments

Relapse

by lulereign 1/9/2016

written by lulereign

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here. Things have actually been looking up. I told my parents through my counsellor about my self harming and suicidal thoughts. They were surprised, but I wasn’t chewed out like I expected to be.

Anyway, I’d thought that things would change. But I realise that they really don’t get it. They still don’t get it and I give up. My parents talk about my cutting as though it were a joke, especially
my dad.

My parents seem to have told my brothers about it, and they make fun of my scars. I mean, it’s difficult to stop thinking about it, but […]

1/9/2016 2 comments

For Those Who Want to Leave

by rich51bruhh 1/4/2016

written by rich51bruhh

For those who want to leave this world, for those contemplating suicide but are to hesitant to go through with it, theres a reason for that. Something is holding you back. I think when you love something or love someone, that is the reason for you to stay. I thought long about this as I sat in the shower remembering the period of time when I felt very suicidal. I imagined in it in my head, my suicide.

I take the handful of pills I had prepared nights before from the cabinet. Tonight is the night. I write a letter to each family member in […]

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1/4/2016 7 comments

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Hey- new kid here

by Natalie 11/1/2015

written by Natalie

So um im Natalie and i dont really know what to write so i think i will just list a few facts about myself!

-bipolar

-used to cut

-smokes weed rarely

-ive been drunk once

-brother with down-syndrome

-no father

-tried to commit suicide 7 times

-absent mother

-no one to talk to

-cares for my three brothers by myself

-16

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11/1/2015 6 comments

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Tired

by whydoiwantto 9/16/2015

written by whydoiwantto

I’m tired of feeling like this every day. I keep waiting for the right time, that will hurt my family the least. In between birthdays. Far away from home. I wish it was simpler, that I could make my choice and fuck all the consequences. But I have this huge guilt about leaving my friends and family, especially my brothers and my mom.

I have had many failed attempts and this has hurt my family. I want to ensure everything is successful next time. I think obsessively about methods and timing, around 10-30 times a day. I’m on anti depressants but they don’t help. The only […]

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9/16/2015 4 comments

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A life – moving on

by bayareaguy 9/4/2015

written by bayareaguy

This morning I drove 6 hours from Phoenix to Los Angeles to spend a couple of days with the most beautiful human being I have ever known. He is an elderly, British gentleman, a Royal Chaplain (meaning he was once assigned by the Archbishop of Canterbury in England, to take charge of a small chapel in Wales which is still under the “protection” of the Crown), a Franciscan Friar, and my friend.

A week ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. At 84 years of age, after two previous battles with cancer, he is too frail to undergo a strenuous attempt at fighting it […]

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9/4/2015 3 comments

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Homeless but not Vanless

by Schiz018 8/2/2015

written by Schiz018

Well I convinced my mum to get a one bedroom place and a cheap one has popped up and on the other note I bought a people mover diesel van where the seats fold down swivel around into a bed. I have decided I can live like a camper for a while which comes with added responsibilities and room for struggle of loneliness and growth who knows I might meet some great people or tourists on my ventures.

I plan to get a gas cooker, tinned food, rice water etc and live cheaply around the country for a while I might even be able to save […]

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8/2/2015 3 comments

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My story

by isj032 7/31/2015

written by isj032

Just thought I’d share my story, I’m not gonna be overly dramatic or emotional as I am very logical and rational for the most part, I am going to go off in a million directions and you will almost certainly think me bonkers before the end. I’m not asking for help or empathy, in fact I hope that what I put down on this webpage helps shed some light on others problems and the problems society faces on a whole, sounds a bit haughty I know.
Diving right in, myself, my eldest brother and sister engaged in some somewhat sexual activities at the ages of […]

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7/31/2015 3 comments

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My Rape Experience

by MentallyWeak 7/20/2015

written by MentallyWeak

This is really hard for me to write, I’ve never spoken of this experience ever since it happened. When I was a little girl, around 5 years of age, something traumatizing happened to me. And it really messed me up. I’m the only girl in my family. I have 2 older brothers and my mother kept trying for a girl, then I came.

My mon was absolutely not ready to raise kids, so I don’t know why she had any of us. She herself didn’t really have a mom growing up, but she had so many years to learn she was never a good mother back […]

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7/20/2015 9 comments

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What I wished I Never Had…

by theunknownxx 7/15/2015

written by theunknownxx

So I guess on this post ill tell you about something that has been wrong me for years. I was diagnosed with cancer at age 7, for about two years I was on radiation and it was hell. I puked alot, I stunted my growth, made me really skinny, and I’m small in body size and it stopped me from doing things I wanted to do. I got picked on for having cancer through my life up until now (18yrs)
Each time I think of it an how it affected me makes me cry so much because I wish I was normal. It’s even hard […]

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7/15/2015 3 comments

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Got Outed, Rant Alert

by Skeleton100 5/12/2015

written by Skeleton100

My obnoxious buck-toothed dumbfuck brothers outed me to my conservative mom. I’m a transguy. I’m still figuring out myself, and I certainly wasn’t ready to tell anyone else. Plus my mom’s in a difficult situation herself – she’s depressed, anorexic, going through a divorce, etc. So it’s really ridiculous to burden her with my situation.

She told me I was an attention-seeker who needed to pray. I told her – and tried to be firm – that I felt confident and happy, dressed as a guy. She responded that it was a false sense of confidence instilled by the devil. According to her, no one in […]

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5/12/2015 5 comments

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Twenty signs of an abusive, controlling, and manipulative individual. The “Loser” may be a spouse, romantic partner, parent, sibling, or friend.

by MoonShine 5/11/2015

written by MoonShine

1. Rough Treatment “The Loser” will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.

2. Quick Attachment and Expression “The Loser” has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to “The Loser” is how quickly he or she says “I Love You” or wants to marry or commit to you. […]

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5/11/2015 12 comments

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