I was abused as a child. I can’t remember so many things! I have so many empty spots in my memory that I can’t deal with! I began self harming in elementary school. I haven’t been clean for longer than two weeks since. I want to die so badly! I can’t deal with the pressure from my family, the disappointment in their eyes when they look at me, knowing how much more disappointed they’d be if they found out I’m not as straight as they think. I am everything they hate. I can’t do anything right in their eyes, yet they expect so much from […]
Severely ill-stricken and debilitated
The child of the five hang-man arcana
I am Leech, child of the Morlocks
The story of the messiah complex
The blood of the abyssal
Eaten alive, of the fated child
Fullmetal Alchemy, to the rescue
Final Fantasy, X
Alphonse – It hurts brother, I can’t breathe… Save me, brother
Capcom, Morrigan
The caged, beast of hell
The opposite, of your reality
Take me, oh, take me
“Cable,” came for me
“Weapon X,” all wore black, for me
I am, the green man
Hey, how about that. It’s Leech.
I am not a warrior, my spirit of warlock
I am hell’s child, the evolution of damned
I am one, with the underworld
The horsemen, his blood
The eternal, is my truth
Truth and reality
The grip is forever
Explode my body like a star because I need to die the most
I need to, now
The desolated sands
The balance of ‘Heaven and Hell’
Help me to die in peace
How am I gonna make it.
There once was a humanity that came to be by nature.
The ape to caveman, man. Does the “Squatch-man,” exist.
Can you breathe in into my soul, but I have none.
The gorilla, the vast body factor.
Nature genocide, but we still have big muscle.
Our history is a beautiful, obliterated and burnt story.
The scrolls of time, erased.
The monster persist, in all-ultimate. (Devoured).
The child. The jewel.
The kingdom of Buddha.
The animals.
Babylon, welcome.
Welcome to the project.
You’re either in, or you’re out.
I need to run back, to the native land.
We will sing. We will chant.
The drum to the gold empire.
The “Arc,” was a tremble.
“Hoo – Yah!”
Hypno, never comes back.
It’s funny I’m sharing my story here, cause just a couple of hours earlier I registered on here and actually posted a topic to clear my doubts regarding the suicide method I was opting for, at which I was politely told by a member here that this site is not appropriate for it. I’ve read multiple stories here, and I understand their pain, and I see they feel better having shared their stuff so I’m just trying my luck out as well, hoping I can resist the urge to die.
This basically refers to my two friends (C and M, I’m not gonna reveal the names […]
I don’t like to complain and when I do I feel horribly guilty. I have had Depression/Anxiety since I was a child. Growing up I was sexually abused twice and grew up in a unstable home. I have a learning disability and life is difficult most times. This year I finally got help ( after a breakdown) and am on lexapro. Most days the medicine works but some days I’m sad and my anxiety is still bad. I feel like a burden to my family and to society. I’m going to college in two weeks, im scared and excited but what if i fail? let […]
You know that feeling in life when you’ve got to do something, but you don’t want to. You can’t get another person to swap places with you. No trades, exchanges, deals.
My deal is that I have to go see a doctor later this month and I already know I’ll have to undergo an operation. Can’t really get anyone to step into my shoes and take a vacation instead. Yeah, because it’s my body and my problem. Then I began to think what if I did not exist, then there would be no operation either. I’m not fond of doctors, operations, hospitals at all, so of […]
Does anyone ever just want to be a child again. Just being a young little kid worry free and being happy as you were when you were a kid. I would give anything to go back to the days when I was actually happy rather than this depressed guy that cant hold it in anymore that I just want to be gone already.
im getting on a train today
the bells are ringing, the choir sings
i cant hear through the deafing noise
im no longer a child, i dont need these toys
they say to leave the past behind
the bells are ringing i step in time
whos in the lead? are we running circles
isnt that how it always feels
leave your troubles, the scar it heals
im departing on a train today
i dont know where im going but i cant stay
the doors they close
suffocation, is it a trap?
i leave everything ive ever know
but ive always roam, just me alone
what is it im leaving behind?
better yet what will come in time?
im leaving on a train […]
So I posted a few night ago about my situation and now I feel worse. I stood up to my bf and he admitted to me that he was no longer in love with me anymore after 2 months of hiding it from me. And I knew something was wrong and he kept calling me crazy. And I’ve been depressed for so long now I’m sitting at home locked in my room staring at a bottle of pills wondering if I should swallow them or not. And it’s not because of my now ex bf. It’s because I’ve had so many fucked up things in […]
I think that I am feeling better. Or am I? I am so used to telling psychologists about my life, but I haven’t really listened to my own words. Could this actually be my reality? Seems like a weird and sad movie, really. I’m going to try to keep this short. EDIT: Turned out to be longer than expected…
I’ve had OCD for like forever, which probably is harder than I realize. I lost my best friend when I was 8 years old when a tsunami hit Thailand, my father has been drinking way too much for as long as I can remember, my mother has […]
A child alive,happy
A beautiful child to love
A child corrupt,in tiny increments
What made her trample childhood
She tore it from herself ,it was constricting
She threw it away,then came back to burn it
Be Gone forever,for no good reason
She broke their hearts,she broke the window
She fled their eyes,their words,their love
She cut herself on the shattered glass,stepping through
The first cut of thousands to come,she glanced back
Her childhood still smouldering ruin,she ran into night
Trailing disregard ,reckless abandonment
Her first victim,her favorite victim
Herself
Through the eyes of a child,
Everythings new.
The whole world around them,
All that they do.
All that they see,
All they can feel.
They learn it from us,
And they learn it is real.
They learn how to love,
They learn how to hate.
Growing each day,
They learn even more.
Some live in good homes,
Some get kicked on the floor.
Life teaches us well,
That we’re really alone.
Life teaches us hell.
To be as cold as a stone.
Do unto others,
As they would do unto you.
What a lie that is,
Coz they’ll still screw you.
In the end […]
As this summer toils on, I’m left contemplating how things change in life. I’ve spent the last four months watching my life degrade. Losing people who meant the world to me, losing my job. Watching things that I used to enjoy and even take a bit of pleasure in wither away. But mostly I’ve been thinking about how different I thought this summer would be. Instead of planning my death, right now I was supposed to be planning my wedding. Instead of watching people slip away, I was supposed to be preparing to welcome a child within the next year or so. Now, I find […]
I have worked my stinky little self hard trying to “make it.” Now, I can’t take it anymore. I’m too old. late thirties. The ridicule I get everywhere I go. And I am female so men make sure I know how they feel about nasty women. I am infamous. I smell bad no matter what I do. (Yes, I shower. No I don’t have BV, VD, etc. No one gets close enough to pass me those gifts.) I thought it would go away one day via diet, doctors, etc. Nothing has helped. After 20 years, since puberty, I give up that dream.
I have learned to accept the constant […]
Hello, I am new to this site, I am 23 years old and I have been thinking about suicide since I was a teenager, I did not really have a difficult childhood or family life, I just fail to see the meaning in living, I am not really depressed about not achieving something, fitting in or getting acceptance from anyone, I just seem to not find any meaning to anything this universe has to offer, whether god, religion, humanity or what ever else, it seems like the human will to live is connected to all the lies we tell ourselves or the lies we are […]
The relative anonymity of this site makes this possible. I have a soul that thrives on confession and a mind that recognizes when that’s a bad thing.
A month or so before finding out I was pregnant with my second son I attempted suicide. I was in a very abusive relationship and I felt trapped. Looking back I am aware that wasn’t the case but it felt like it. On top of the abuse I dealt with a lifelong sense of worthlessness and insecurity.
I consumed nearly a fifth of cheap vodka as fast as I could and ate 20 percocets. My boyfriend found me […]
I live in constant fear, I react to everything in an exaggerated way, I have also hypersensitivity to sounds and to touch.
Low self esteem because psychological child abuses, I am all ways the different guy that everyone doesn’t want to go along. With a neurologic syndrome where is very difficult to identify feelings and other things that makes very very hard to establish relationships with others.
All this drains my energy so much that I fall into depressed states with constant toughts of suicide and stop all this shit. Have attempted before but pain was too much strong that I couldn’t cut just deep enough. Also I […]
I’m a 19 year old college student in brooklyn and I’m amazed I made it this far but I feel like 19 years of life is enough. Over the years I felt like I was born to be hated for the color of my skin and my beliefs. I ask my parents, why bother having a kid, just to have him or her life doomed from the very start? I was raised from a christian background and not once have I found anyone to seriously talk to about any of my troubles for all everyone thinks is ” I’m just seeking attention ” or ” […]
Oh. Oh. Holiness, is dead.
Oh. Killing me softly.
The water, the words, down the drain.
Oh, the music, awaiting for the outlaw.
Hold it, by the claw. The bear, the world needs to blow.
The celestial mad cow, look into her eyes. Take her blood, instead.
From our, hybrid evolution, never evolved. I wonder, our caveman.
The killer clan. The God of Man. I am the only, a Morlock.
God is dead. God is real. My obscure projection into reality.
The new age is the golden age.
Our soul never evolved, only our machines.
The ant, the ant, they grow. What will be, of behind […]