I am fourteen years old. My father abondoned me as a child. I think of that a lot. why wasnt i enough for him. Why did he have to leave me? Also when i was a child i was raped. My family doesnt know and only one of my friends does. I deal with constant flashbacks. I see and hear things that arent there. i hear voices telling me to do things i dont want to do, to hurt others and myself. i see scary things and stupid things from monsters to birds. I am secretly gay and live in a catholic family in the […]
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child
I was scrolling though my calendar on my iPad, remembering dates. As I scrolled it seemed like life flashed before my eyes. Where did I go wrong? I have a great memory so I looked at all the months of my life (December 1983 till now) and counted the good times and bad.
I heard my first two years of my life was very chaotic. I don’t think I have any memories at all back then. My parents got divorced when I was two.
One of my first memories as a child was in the summer of 1986. My mother (who is a psychopath herself) was fighting […]
I just joined this site after stumbling upon it researching suicide methods. I know I’m not supposed to share that sort of thing so I’ll just say I was wondering for a moment if I could turn my suicide into a test on how to slow and prolong the bleeding out process if someone’s throat was slit, maybe even create a method to rescuing someone like that, by cutting my own and recording a little experiment, but finding this made me rethink how I got to this conclusion…
I first attempted in third grade, with a makeshift hanging that broke because it was built idioticly in […]
I think about how life can be. And to tell you mylife story its going to be a hell of a ride.
it began when i was only 6 yrs of age n my brother interfer with me. N wen i was 10 my father die. 13yrs my two sisters die n my mum die wen i was 15. But it didnt stop there my bother keeps on interfering with me until i was 17 n pregant . Then i ran away from bein abuse but he found me n beat me. Wen i make my girl child i was scared of what he might do. […]
how can I freaking die without struggling? That is the question! I been living in hell since my first memories. I been blitzed since 7 am but I know I am sobering up. I wanted to die since I was a child. How can I do it painlessly? Can someone help me please?
I lie in bed, low, apathetic, empty. As usual. Like every day. Life hasn’t felt good since I was a child.
I’ve heard people say that suicide will not solve any problems and will only create a new ones. In my case, I think more problems would be solved that created. Of course, people close to me would have to deal with a loss, would have to burry me, which would be expensive, and then they would be grieving. It’s only two people that would have to suffer. I don’t want to hurt them like that, but I feel that me being alive is causing them more […]
Here is the deal, im poor,black, and my future is not bright. I live in a world that many people online may not understand. It is a cruel world where people are homeless, drunks, in poverty, and life is cheap. Those are the lucky ones. The unlucky ones end up in jail or dead. I came from an ok home, i guess. Though,, i went to college, and cant find work. I just want to get good heatlhcare, and a decent job so i can get away from my “family.” I may end up homeless one day, but thats ok. I know that i have […]
I am the victim of suicide. The one who is alive and is going to be in pain for the rest of my life. The mother of an 8 month old child, to whom I will have to someday explain, why dads gone. And it will have to be one hell of a story. I am the one left with all the mess. I am the one that wandered here looking for answers. I am the victim. Before a couple of days i havent heard of N powder. I am the one who has been lied to. I am the one that loved very much. […]
I’m sick really.. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. nothing in life satisfies me anymore, I want all the wrong things & I think that bad, that my heart is literally ready to jump out of my chest.
I just want it all to go away. these feelings, these thought, these memories. I just want to be happy.
I don’t remember the last time I was happy actually. you see, a lot has happened to me in my life. a lot happened to me growing up as a child and I think it has all had a negative impact on my life.
long story short, […]
I just slapped my 5 year old brother. Before you jump to conclusions let me explain. Me and my older sister just got kittens, they were abandoned buy their mothers and they are only 5 and 6 weeks old. My brother, we’ll call him Mike, keeps grabbing them and squeezing their tummy’s and basically being really rough with them.
We’ll about half an hour ago, he decided that he was the kittens…. father, I got really annoyed because he was being really mean and loud. So, eventually I told him that he needs to let them be (he was also holding the hostage), and he started […]
I came across this site and when I tried to register it said I was already registered. I didn’t realize I had posted here almost 3 years ago. I decided to try and live. But today, I still feel precisely the same as I did then. There have been massive, positive changes in my life and my lifestyle, but none of it has even made a chip in the depression I’ve felt since I was a child.
Now I’m 3 years closer to that expiration date I’d given myself: if things don’t improve by the time I’m 30, I’ll know that I’ve run my course. I […]
Hi,
so so this is the first time ever posting on a site (any site actually) but I’ve found that venting about thing regardless if people respond or not is beneficial and seeing a therapist once a week is clearly not cutting it anymore.
Okay let’s see now, I am 23 first generation American, middle child, genetic history of major clinical depression with multiple family members taking their own lives.
On the surface, I have a pleasant life. I haven’t had to worry about finances as much as most people have. Ran track in HS and was a state champion. Played collegiate rugby and excelled. However since I was […]
Well, if anyone cares, here it is:
When I was in 5th grade (age 10), my father was deployed to Afghanistan for 6 months. During these 6 months, my mother drank every night. Because she didn’t take care of me or my siblings, I attempted to take care of them to the best of my ability. Needless to say, I failed miserably. We also didn’t go to church at all during these 6 months, because our mother didn’t take us. When my dad got back, I got in trouble for not raising my siblings correctly and not taking them to church […]
I have seen a fair amount of television drama and inspirational quotes about humans’ reason for existence. They always go on and on about how it will come to you and you just have to wait and most of the time the answer to your being is to find your one true love (which is really stupid, having to exist because of some stranger you cannot help but produce oxytocin to).
I lived a carefree and, at the same time, tedious childhood. I’ve try to commit suicide in already different ways since I was seven. Most of the time, I was too coward to go […]
im not a child, nor even a “young adult anymore.” there are no easy answers for me.
I had the most beautiful dream – in it, I sat somewhere.. under a tree or on a bench – I’m not sure
A man sat next to me – I don’t think I knew him, or maybe I did – he slowly leaned over and kissed me ever so gently on the lips. The feeling that came over me was absolute love… there were no expectations, no sexual innuendos, nothing but pure, unconditional love. When I awoke – that kiss fresh on my lips – and found that it was a dream, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. It was only a dream […]
I lost everything that gave me connection, meaning, comfort and joy. That all happened in a short time frame a year and a half ago. One rug after another after another after another was pulled out from under my feet. There were so many bad turns and they were so astonishing, I can’t count them all. Life is gray. I haven’t had a second of joy for almost two years. People say, Wait it out, who knows what tomorrow will bring? I’m not getting better; it has been a nose dive for all that time. I got into therapy, and it took over a year […]
That on my last night, I will be taking down a child molester. Yes maybe they were molested themselves, but they can’t keep on passing it down. I will do something good in my last moments.
Born at zero, learnt to walk at one, learnt to talk at two, got friends at three, learnt to draw at four, learnt to count at five, learnt to spell at six, parents divorced at seven, depressed at eight, confused at nine, alone at ten, procrastinating at eleven, drinking at twelve, cutting at thirteen, loved at fourteen, almost had a child at fifteen, started drugs at sixteen, lost everything at seventeen, dead at eighteen
I want to ask but the words won’t come out.
You make me choose between you two.
What do you expect to a child who don’t want to lose both?
I want to help but I can’t. If I did, he’ll hate us and the same thing would happen. And it’ll be worse.
So, I can’t choose. All I can do is hear you out while you vent out all your pain.
But I still want to ask why is this happening to us yet the words won’t come out. And this aggression would be another wound on my body.