Sitting here, all I really want to do is paint these walls red. Noth with the blood of mine enimies, but of the blood of myself. I want everyone to witness the blood, the pain, and my suffering. Let them try and wash the blood from these walls and their clothes.
Tag:
Clothes
We carry the scars on our bodies everywhere we go. We carry the scars on our hearts. We carry the fear someone will see them, we carry the shame when people do. We carry pins, knives, razors. We carry bandaids & disinfectant. We carry a little kernel of hope that we will get out of this. We carry hearts so heavy they drag on the ground. We carry our bloodstained clothes. Sometimes we carry hospital bills for stiches. Othertimes we carry them for therapists. We are the burdens on our families, we are the misunderstood. We are the ones who people stay away from when […]
I’m a 20 year old girl, i have a job i don’t miss a day, i have no real friends i spend all my time playing computer games and thinking bout what i am gonna do to change my life so ill be happier but then i remember who i am and how its worthless trying to fix myself when i cant be fixed i was teased through high school we were kinda poor so i couldn’t afford any nice clothes i wore so many handy downs u could tell i was poor i was a loser i still am i dropped outta high school […]
Sometimes I just sit in class and wish so many things. I hate going to school. I wish there was no such thing. I wish I was born when school seemed so much easier. I wish I had a tree that grew money. I wish my hair would stop falling and thinning. I wish I was skinny. I wish I was pretty. I wish I wasn’t dumb. I wish I had nothing to regret. I wish I had all my pets. I wish all the worthless and horrible people would die. I wish I had a walk-in closet filled with clothes. I wish I had […]
All my life I’ve been bullied. My parents don’t give a shit about me. I’ve been told, and now thoroughly believe, that if i killed myself, no one would give a single fuck. Now, I’m not going to run out in the middle of the street and jump in front of a car going 80, but say I were, for some reason, laying in the street, and a car were coming, I wouldn’t move. Growing up, I was afraid to go to school. I would play hookie because I didn’t want to be spit at by the popular kids. I was beaten and made fun […]
WOOHOO! Finally, the one thing I have ALWAYS wanted is happening, and for real this time too! My parents are splitting up. I have been, mentally,emotionally, and even slightly physically abused but now it should be over right? Coz finally mum is going to save us from our so called “dad” errrerrrr. This is what happens when you expect to much from life. Life says wooah! Slow down there cowboy, I ain’t gonna let you off the hook that easily! Dad had officially gone crazy. If you’ve ever seen my posts then you will get a feel for how much a  phsycopath he is, but […]
This past month has been so many things; horrendous, miserable, cloudy with a chance of shit, amazing and terrible at the same time.
I attempted to make amends with my mother…she at the first opportunity sent me home said goodbye and drove off.
I tried to help a child in need but was chased away by an overprotective foster parent.
I made an effort to fit in and went to a part, somebody slipped something into my non-alcoholic drink and I ended up vomiting all over the front lawn
I found a boy…A boy who seemed to like me for me scars and all. I remember the first night we shared together, he took me to a […]
Oh . my. fucking. god.
Long story short, I had a father who abused my mother, i would protect her causing me to get beat instead of her which was totally fine with me, as long as she wasnt hurt. one day he went too far, and she FINALLY -thank god- divorced the beast. that was around 3 years ago, and we haven’t kept in contact, (me and my father) . But my birthday, was around a month ago, and he sent presents for the very first time, whoopee. a fucking month late. cheers dad. not only that, but he sent me clothes, all in […]
Imagine somewhere dark.Â
Now imagine yourself in the middle of it.
Imagine yourself in a cell, with no way out.
You’re scraming, you’re crying but no one hears you. There’s no one around you. You’ve pushed away everyone who cared.
Imagine you have no clothes on, you’re naked, there’s nothing protecting you from the cold iron surrounding you. You are powerless.
There’s smoke around you, growing thicker and thicker. It’s dark. It’s feels like darkness’ tendrils. They start surrounding you, not allowing you to move, you are stuck.
Stuck in a cell, not able to move, all by yourself. There’s no strenght left in you, each breath already drains so much […]
There was a chill in the wind that night, one like no other.
The darkness made it hard for sight, but I knew it was my  brother.
The strength of his grip, the frame of his stature;
As he grabbed my hips, before IÂ knew it I was captured.
My throat went dry, I couldn’t scream.
I tried and tried, but the harder it seemed.
Next thing I knew, an unfamiliar place; unsure of what to do, clothes were disappearing at fast pace.
My face turned white, I couldn’t shift.
Frozen in fright, thinking did IÂ deserve this?
Down my cheek, the first tear rolls.
As he proceeds, my mouth he holds.
“Our little secret” he whispered […]
I try to hide my insecurities, my hopelessness. I don’t know how to release them all. I hide my depression. I mean, I guess there are signs. But I’m pretty sure I’ve hid all signs of ever thinking about suicide. I cut, it will definitely show. So it would be very small. I’d hurt myself. But I bruise easily. There’s only so much you can attribute to clumsiness. I can hide little bruises, little things, but never anything big.
I like to project myself as a sunny person, so no one must know how screwed I am. My disposition is “sunny”. I don’t talk much, just […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
My name is Nothing.
At least, that’s what The Clowns calls me.
I slip on my clothes and stumble down stairs. The Mrs.Clown is getting ready for work while The Mr.Clown reads the paper. As if I am a ghost, they stare through me and I slump into the chair at the table. The Ms.Clown tosses a breakfast plate in the direction it thinks I am. I reach out and catch it. Lies again. I think to myself, “Is there nothing else to eat in the world?” I pick the word love up and bring it to my mouth it tastes bitter, but it is needed […]
I am not pretty,
I am not smart,
I am not beautiful,
and I self harm.
I have a cold heart
don’t have nothing to give,
You should move on,be
with someone who isn’t shit.
I am so blank,
I am emotionally drained,
I am a cutter,
My clothes are blood stained.
Not worth the wait,
Not worth your tears,
I think you know that
but had to make it clear.
You can’t waste time,
over someone like me,
I may seem strong,
but inside I’m weak.
I don’t know the time
I really have,
I’m scared I’ll hurt You,
I’m scared like hell!
You can’t live your life
in constant […]
Well I think its time to tell people why I cut and why I think I’m depressed. It starts off like all the rest, happy family, with money, love ect.. When I was about four years of age I was working in the farm with my daddy and my sixteen year old cousin, my dad left to get some food for the cattle, I was sitting on a lump of hay. My cousin comes up to me and starts fingering me. It was not a good experience for me and I couldn’t get him to stop. I think he would have gone a lot further […]
i do not know why i am so miserable.
i have everything i could ever need;
boyfriend
friends
loving family
‘talent’ in media
new tv
new computer
new camera
new clothes
a house to live in
why am i still upset? makes me feel even worse because… well, am i ungrateful?
I don’t really care what people look like. Ugly people have every right to happiness and success as the beautiful, but I don’t feel that way about myself. I have not been able to look in mirrors since 2002. I’m so fat and ugly and I want  to die. I will never be able to accomplish anything good in my life and I will only get uglier as I get older. But how do I do it? I need it to be painless and it must be successful.
I have always felt ugly since at least 8 years old. I remember getting in trouble at school […]
As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had this nagging thought in the back of my mind. This thought that life is pointless and tiresome. I don’t remember much of being a child. It is as though I was someone else before I became a teenager. Photographs are life’s little moments captured in a stillframe and frozen. Looking at childhood pictures bothers me, because I feel as though I am looking at someone else. I feel as though the pictures are supposed to make me recall the moment in the photo. But I don’t. I don’t remember dressing in the clothes I am […]
Im so pissed today.I had a great morning went out for my birthday with my therapist even though they gave me a gift card to buy clothes knowing if they gave me it for anything else i wouldve bought pills and probably taken them.What people dont get is im already going to do that and i can find my own way to get what i need cause im resourceful.But it gets worse
I go on a site to get free stuff and give away stuff and they took the item i was giving away down.Even though people were giving away the same item.Anyway not […]
i’m tired of living. i can’t seem to focus on what i have and what i need to do. objectively i should be happy. i have a job, a roof under my head, food to eat and clothes to wear and yet somehow, i feel like something’s missing. i have no passion to live and i can’t help but feel i’ve been left behind in life. i feel i’ve sacrificed the entirety of my existence fitting into a mold i was given that i never even wanted. never had a real connection with anyone, never been in a relationship, nothing. shallow i know… and possibly not even […]