I personally have allways been in “the middle”. as the second of three child in my family makes me the middle child. i’m not thin, but i’m not fat. i’m middle. every thing i do i end up in the middle. always. it is living hell. for example, this xmas, while my brother and sister got their own iphone’s which the had wish for, i got nothing i had wish for. i got a pc. im not saying that they don’t give stuff. and that their beeing total crap. it is the fact that they dont listen to me. never. even when we’re planning dinner […]
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Conclusion
I was making a presentation today for a job interview and I came to the conclusion that I don’t really care about it. It doesn’t matter if I have the best job in the world, or if im smarter than anyone else. If im alone then I am the loser in the end.
So I am going to organize my life around the correct priorities. So no more games. they just numb the pain of being alone. This site is kind of doing the same. I spend a lot of time here and I guess its probably not the best thing for me. I should be going places and doing things. Which is very […]
So I guess you had to leave, You were born with wings, But you were never happy, ‘Til the angels sing….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
Okay, So urm… I’ve decided that the only place, really that I should complain about my life is on here. I just don’t wanna hurt the people around me anymore….
On Saturday- A new friend showed me the song Hollywood Undead- Coming back down. I had it in my head for ages, Just over-analyzing it. I had this horrible feeling (partly to do with “voices”?) that we’re all going to die…. I literally went crazy over this.
Monday Night- Nick’s cousin is in a car crash, And unfortunately Dies. R.I.P
Today- I have came to a sort of conclusion that people are going to keep dying until i’m […]
Oh god, who do i think i am? What exactly is my problem? I’m so confused and angry with myself. Sometimes, i mean most times, when i try to do my hair and everything, i just look in the mirror and burst out crying and get really frustrated by pulling on hair, hurting myself and swear at myself. Grrrr i hate being me -.- Sometimes, i might be happy, slightly happy anyway. And for some reason, i miss being sad and something just doesn’t feel right. And then i remember the bad days that’ll come soon and i get anxiety. Man, i’m retarded.
God, i’m so […]
I want to die.
It has taken me a long time to come to that conclusion.
Why do I want to die? In a nutshell: because I’m in intense emotional and mental pain.
The longer version?……… Life is too much of a struggle. Most things I go after results in total failure and misery. I find it very difficult to relate to people on a deeper emotional level. Conversing with people is an enormous challenge. I wish I didn’t stutter.
It tortures me that I can’t even say my name without stuttering. The look I receive from people when I stutter is extremely painful, so I mostly choose not […]
I really wanted to leave. But I didnt. I just lay here in my bed crying, curled up in a ball. Which is how I spend most of my days, actually.
I texted my only friend. I dont know why. The conclusion of that conversation was that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore. There were various reasons: I’m selfish. I live in my own world. I have a lack of respect. I treat people like shit.
Thoe all sound like very legit reasons. I just spend the last hour making sure I absolutely have no contact with the outside world whatsoever except for this […]
i know i said im not ever going to post here again… but too much has happened since i decided not to post here anymore and im just absolutely terrified of every option i have as of this point… i’ve been so stressed out over the past two/three weeks and i’ve come to having panic attacks more than two times a day, almost every single day. first thing, Sunday night two/three weeks ago i was really struggling and i talked to one of my friends and she came to the conclusion that i was contemplating suicide, even though i didn’t say that exactly. so Monday […]
Its come to my conclusion that i am going to try and off myself again.Im scared to death cause its a past method im using one that almost killed me.Im scared to death of doing this.But that little short lived happy time is over.Its left me and its always going to come and then not be there and i cant stand that.I am filth thats all i am while im alive.
The method will be successful this time.I would check myself into a mental hospital but there all crappy except the one i recently came from.That is to far away to go to.
I dont […]
I love my friends with all my heart, but it really seems like they just don’t care about me. Saying they do is one thing, but doing is another. Whenever they need help, I’m there. Whenever they need anything, I’m there. It could be just a small problem and I’ll listen to them no matter what. I have picked them up in the middle of nights many times. I do things without expecting a thank you in return. But whenever I’m feel sad or hurt they just give some one-liner bullshit like “Oh, I’m sorry.” Then they move on with their day. I’ll be honest […]
I do not fit to this world. This is my conclusion after over 25 years. Everyone sees me laughing, doing stupid things to be the funny guy in the band, always a joke to say. But nothing of this is real, i don’t care of people, of things, of life.
All my life I thought making other people laugh will make me happy but it’s not even close. I am popular, yes, got friends calling me every days to discuss of their super lifes, and I keep saying “nothing new on my side, it’s all cool, the bloody routine”. I am tired of this, tired […]
My lack of tenacity to anything and everything applies I guess just as well to my suicidal thoughts. They come and go but they are never enough to make me actually do anything. Its more a coping thing. It has been a few months since I have felt this low and un-like reality, when I ***** about my petty white kid problems you all kind of listen. Which is cool so I can keep my crazy priviate and un-identified. Since I am obviously to ***** to do it I have decided begrudgingly take on reality head on for thirty days. Thirty days just giving it […]
Anxiety, depression, Bulimia Nervosa and cronically alone.
After seeking treatment for Comorbid major depressive disorder and Bulimia Nervosa I though I would change and consequently my life would change. Reality is a whole lot different. I constantly have suicidal thoughts, high levels on anxiety and extremely low moods.
I find my self in the grips of yet another bad Bulimia time. On a good night I eat dinner once and loose it once, on a bad night I might eat 3 and loose 3. I do it not to be thin but to ease the anxiety and stress and as an avenue for self harm. I am […]
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Reminder — don’t post hateful things here.
Do not post for suicide partners or specific suicide methods either. They will be removed.
I realize the site is only trying to emphasize that they do NOT condone suicide in any way, but does anyone find the concept of posting rules to be ludicrous? I mean, if you’re serious about suicide, I’m sure you’ve come to the conclusion that it is the only freedom we truly do possess. I’m sure that if anyone on this site DOES take their own life, their post is the most important for us to read.  If for […]
They say that we’re a long time dead, but it seems to me that we’re alive for a lot longer. And yet this narrow bridge between two unfathomable eternities is the only metric of our lives. Tiresome to love, or be loved or even just to keep going on in the face of the over whelming pointlessness of it all. I can’t have what I want, but I can chose to do something about it if I have the courage.
Edit:
Thinking about courage… I can clearly see three kinds. Intellectual, physical and emotional. I sometimes want to die because I have no more emotional […]
I know how it feels to be sad. Depressed. Like no one cares. Like you don’t want to live anymore. I feel that right now. I would think a lot on how would I kill myself. Finally I made up my mind.. I wasn’t going to hang myself, or cut my throat or wrist. I figured the best way was to over dose. What could happen. I wouldn’t feel the pain. I would just take the pills and go to sleep. No big deal. I would say no one would care. I am just some ugly stupid girl who is stupid and worthless. I am sitting […]
I’ve come to the conclusion that im a complete waste of space, and i want to eliminate this pointless shitstain of an existence i call a life from the face of the earth.
My whole life i was labeled ugly and worthless, and any word that can add the prefix “un” would describe me. Im unathletic, untalented, unattractive, unimportant, unmotivated, uninteresting, unappealing, basically anything you can think of.
I grew up with my father always angry, and telling me i was a worthless human being. He would say it was his way of building me up to be a man, but all it did was make me […]
I am searching for long time a quiet and dignify way to do the “Final Exit†but the more i search the more i get confused and scared about getting things wrong. So i came to the conclusion that people who feel the same way as me and are serious about to go all the way, we need to do the search together, few heads are better than one! I am not looking to start a group therapy, but for a group of people that can get together and support each other in our decision and search how to do things properly. So I leave […]
It feels like such a monumental task to explain everything that got me to where I am today. I simply don’t have the energy to write it right now, if ever. I don’t know.
Lately I’ve just been letting the days go by, I keep hoping something good will happen and change the current situation I’m in. I’ll explain the tip of the iceberg.
On February 20th, my best friend named jackie was supposed to video chat with me that night. We had just gotten off a stressful video chat during my lunch break that day. A few […]
Over the past two years I have been with a girl named Ashlyn. I’m going to go ahead and tell you the whole story of how “we” happened.
Ashlyn has a brother that is 3 years old. He drowned in a pool one afternoon while the babysitter was supposed to be watching him. His name is Brody. Brody is now on a vent to breathe and has a trach. He has been in a coma for 2 and a half years. Ashlyns mom- Jackie hired a team of nurses to take care of her son. Selfish right? Jackie believes that since everyone has granted her sympathy […]
you know when you feel lower than everyone? your grades are not that high that no one lets you take a decision because they think youre too young… that everyone around you is aloud to tell you what you shouldnt do or be or even like, while you arent aloud to discuse with them….I’m here … lying in my bed thinking again about suicide… yes im sick of life like everyone! i’ve started to think about suicide since 6th grade… now im in secondary 4 … in overall i have problemes everywhere… whatever i may do people around me get dissapointed and if i do […]