I never planned to use a gun, CO poisioning was always my escape plan. I always thought drinking was why I was depressed, but since I stopped drinking, I started eating healthy and lost 30 lbs, but I still feel I’m not in control of my life, depressed, so I started drinking again. I have bought a few guns to prove to myself that I wouldn’t use them to end my life. I justify keeping one of them loaded in a locked box since my house has been broken into, but I know I like having that exit so close to me. It’s unlocked and right where I can […]
Tag:
Control
I knew this would happen, I fucking knew it. Promises don’t count once the relationship ends, do they?
I promised Luis then when this time came I wouldn’t kill myself. But I really can’t take this anymore, Today was the first day back to school and the first thing to happen was one of my really bad headaches. :I Then during second lesson and break I felt a mental breakdown coming. What pushed it over the edge was an email from a ‘Friend’ saying that he didn’t want to deal with a suicidal friend. Which is nice. And now.. Well, I’m fucking suicidal. I just don’t […]
Fuck. My life has never been worse. I mean, there have been and are really shitty things in my life. Things I can’t control. But it has got to the point where I can’t see a way out anymore.
I realise that I have a lot to live for. My family really needs me, as do my friends. They all love me. I am  trying really hard to keep up my academic side. I was actually focusing on that when the shit storm hit.
I had a boyfriend. Fuck that is depressing having to write that in the past tense. People say stupid shit like ‘Oh yeah, […]
So many mistakes here, so nobody listens, The pact that I make now, Still something is missing, I’ve got nobody here but me….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
That title is ironic, I am alone.. For now.
So, feeling a bit better than I did last night, Finally got through to the person I wanted/needed to talk to. Maybe things can be okay… For now.
I got a letter from CAMH which is who are doing my mental health assessment, I have this like, thing (i’ve forgotten what it’s called) to fill out, basically just about me.. Nothing mental yet though. I went to the beach today, With my family. And we took our dog who loved it, bless her. She’s so tired now XD just like me I guess… But no sleep. Not yet. […]
Hi guys,
I’m just new here at this website and for a long time I keep myself seeking things related to suicide on internet and I got really into it after my life got really sux around six years ago. (I have a really large problem that cannot be solved easily)
Nowadays I hate the major I’ve chosen (since 2005 and I still not graduated!!), my job, where I live, my routine and my completely life. I read many testimonials here today and maybe I decided to start to share what brings me down everyday and my permanent nightmare.
I don’t expect any help from you, but sharing […]
My lack of tenacity to anything and everything applies I guess just as well to my suicidal thoughts. They come and go but they are never enough to make me actually do anything. Its more a coping thing. It has been a few months since I have felt this low and un-like reality, when I ***** about my petty white kid problems you all kind of listen. Which is cool so I can keep my crazy priviate and un-identified. Since I am obviously to ***** to do it I have decided begrudgingly take on reality head on for thirty days. Thirty days just giving it […]
she is mad because she can’t control me, she gets with guys to control them and when they break up with her she tries to go to Church to control that!
If you’ve followed my posts you would know exactly the type of person she is.
She lies about everythin . She brainwashed me into running away from my grandma and running away from CPS only to call on me to get me intoruble. But I kept coming back thinking what she said was the truth , that she wanted to be a mother for once. Ever since I ran away to be with my mom, she […]
Hi, I’m Sarah. I’m 16 years old. I have thoughts of suicide all the time. I hide behind the smiles I show to people so they won’t judge me. They tell me to go cut myself or go kill myself. Sometimes its my brother telling me too. I know he’s joking but I feel that he’s meaning it too. I have thoughts about doing it but never following through because I have a friend that is the same why as me. I don’t want to have this thoughts but I feel as if this urge is getting stronger and one day I won’t be able […]
The anger boils within my blood, run through, my veins and pumps through my heart. I have reached my max i will not take anymore am not five and i will not be treated as such . I have done everything i was asked to do, i am obedient and kind ,but yet they keep me trapped here like a dog in a cage. I dont go out and lime with friends because they dont wish it i only try to a good child but not anymore i have my own life and i will fight for my rights as long as there is breath […]
I just can’t do this anymore! Every single day my urge to kill myself gets stronger, all the pain just keeps building up and I can’t take anymore and I break down. I have nothing and no one. The only person who ever understood me passed away a few weeks ago and all I want is to join him. I have been trying so hard for three years to turn my life around but it’s only gotten worse. Every night I cry myself to sleep because I’m scared, scared to wake up the next day to even more pain and confusion. I’m terrified of myself, […]
Couldnt control my crying once more..
This time, it got worse, I was trying to run away from hurting myself, so i took some sleeping pills, and slept the day away..
Woke up to another dose of pain and yelling, then took some more.. and slept away..
I slept and slept till i lost the count of days.. It got so bad that I actually tripled the dosage.. I wanted to escape life..
Unfortunately I woke up…
Though I’m living today as a zombie.. I still don’t want to live..
The burden of being selfish to take out my life is hindering me…
But not for long..
I just wonder how can you […]
I’m 23, and I’m pregnant. I’m miserable. I’m 33 weeks and 5 days, and I want it to be over. I don’t want to kill myself, I just really want to hurt myself. I want to put my fist through a wall or window. I want physical pain to outweigh the emotional. I haven’t been able to work for 3 months and won’t be able to for another two, at least. My husband, the baby’s dad, has a shit job, like $300 every two weeks. He sleeps all the time and smokes too much weed. He doesn’t listen to me. We have no money. We’re […]
My life has fallen to pieces. The details aren’t important. It’s all the same stuff that you read on this forum. That’s not even the reason I’m upset. My emotions are out of control. I can be fine one day, then spend the next day crying into my pillow. I’ve had it. I cut myself. I beat my face in with a mallet. I can’t stop fantasising about jumping off the roof of my house. And yes, I do have a suicide plan. I feel that God has abandoned me, and I don’t know where to turn. The only ray of hope right now […]
I want to cut desperately.
I want to feel, to control my own pain.
I’m alone truly alone. I don’t feel anything anymore. Nothing makes me sad or happy anymore. Nothing’s funny. Everything’s just empty, blank.
I cut myself a couple weeks ago with a razor it was an honest accident. I loved the pain I got from it though. For the first time in a while I could feel. For the first time I was in control of my own pain. I felt something other than emotional bullshit.
I ache for that feeling again but I can’t bring myself to do it. I seat […]
Everything seems to be slipping out of my hands right now. My relationship with my boyfriend, who was also my best friend. My relationship with my parents. My mom has just left the house. I am here trying to drown my grief somehow. I dont know what to do. I have younger siblings I should take care of right? But I need to be taken care of. My boyfriend is not understanding. he doesn’t even know what else I am going through. Im so lost and confused.
Is the flow control for the helium tank necessary to carry out the exit method? I’ve seen the kit offered online for about $180, but, unfortunately, I can’t afford to pay that amount. If it is in fact required, are there other sources where the fitting can be purchased at a cheaper price?
i dont think i cant do this anymore,i have to phisically confide my self inside my apartment or i will run, i will leave, and the cops will catch me, the only way people wont be able to control me anymore is if i kill myself,they will never let me off commitment,i will never get to move to california,i cant live like this for the rest of my life,all i think about is california, or getting recommited then taking sleeping pills and laying on the rail road tracks,and no the train driver would never know he hit me cause it would be dark outside,im going […]
since i was little, iv been everywere,lived in city after city, putting myself in placements so i could get away from the abuse,even wen noone wanted me,never could fit in,well i started running from treatment facilities and group homes,everytime they put me in a different city, i had the impulse to run,i would run so fast, i felt free, like noone could catch me,most people couldnt,im in my own palce now later on,i still have that adrenalin, i crave it, feeling the rush is like a drug to me,i love big cities and looking at all the tall buildings and everything around me,its like i […]
I thought my meds were working, It has only been a week and they seemed great. But Ive started getting the thoughts back, especially in my dreams. The anti depressant cant control my dreams which is so frustrating. My best friend who has been there through everything with me, seems to find it funny im so depressed and that now shes just being a ***** and putting me second and the guys that use her for photos first. That hurts a lot,..I just into an fight with her ..,my other best friend…well shes constantly spending time with this guy. Its just so easy […]
I feel like I can’t control any of my feelings anymore. After I cut my self yesterday I cried all day. I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I used to be able to control my feelings very well. But now I feel like I can’t do anything right.