Pfft, the last post I made was a lie. I said I’ve ‘hit my lowest point’ but that’s more like now or the near future. I tried to literally run away from my problems, and I was naÃ¯ve to think it would help anything. I got 57 miles on foot before a cop started questioning me, and he eventually arrested me (since running away where I live illegal). That’s the only reason I’m still in this tiny little hellhole of mine where as much as the people around me may have good intentions, I can’t take it. I’d run away again, even though as I said before, that is a very naÃ¯ve decision, but I can’t. If I try and they catch me again, I’ll go to a state home, where I won’t see my family or my friends again for years. And then there’s the part where after my dad tried to cut communication off from me and my girlfriend (he threatened to call the cops on her since it’s a long distance relationship and he thinks she’s some pedo) And she’s been the only one I’ve wanted to talk to. That’s another problem. I’ve become a selfish imbicile. My dad said if I said one more word to her he’d call the cops and she’d go to prison. Which means that I have the rest of my best friend and girlfriend’s life in my hands. And yet I continue to talk to her. She always makes me feel better, and the thought of getting her in prison is heartwrenching. But in all, I’m miserable. I’m honestly trying to decide whether I should kill myself. I haven’t heard from my girl in 2 weeks, so if I just told her I love her, and then killed myself, who cares? I’d be away from this awful place. All the fucking “tough love”, the stress of not being with my girl, my family’s past. (if you read the other posts I made I tell all about that) But all this shit is driving me literally insane to the point where I wonder things like “Do other people really exist or are they just tormenting my mind?” or “Why am I here? Why’ve I been put through such a tough challenge already when I’m not even 20 yet?” I know I’ve got what is possibly a wonderful, long life ahead of me, which is why I’m still deciding. If you’re reading this huge block of text then tell me, if you’ve cared enough to read all this, what do you think I should do? Don’t give me all the stuff I already realize like “please don’t kill yourself, people love you!” because I already know that, give me the pros and cons of suicide/staying alive. If you can. Please.