I know I’m going to get expelled again. But this time I’m not going to wait to see it happen. I’m having my first exam (in this new university) on Monday. I’ll take it. And then I’ll end it. Even just now, instead of getting myself ready for the upcoming exam, I’m just sitting here and staring straight before me. Every moment sucks. Every damn moment. I can’t get over the thought that I’ve chosen the cheapest way to die, and the most ridiculous. Drowning myself in a laundry basin, bullshit, huh? I’ve even been working hard on it, made a few trial runs, to […]
Tag:
Coward
hi i dont really know where to start but i guess i can start by saying im suicidal. ive been depressed for a long time and im still not sure why. i really wish i could have the courage to tell someone but i dont . im too scared they’ll make fun of me or will worry too much and i dont want that. i really know i need help but im just not sure why im so scared to tell. my dad is so understanding that he could help and my mom could help too i just dont know… i also dont know why […]
It was only recently that I’d stumbled across a site like this, somewhere to put my thoughts, with complete strangers, unbiased views of a life.
As is everyone else for being here, I wish to end my life.
In my family, I am the oldest, naturally, the one with the highest of expectations.
I was also, in all technically, a bastard child, one with a father, if that should even be used, whom left, and said I was being created in the belly of a slut mother, who slept with everyone but him, hereby resulting in me not being blood to him.
As expected, he was simply […]
The Universe told me not to go to the park that day.
As I pulled into your driveway, my phone buzzed.
You were calling me. Why?
“Scide is going to kill me. Scide is going to kill me.”
Your voice is gurgled and muffled by your tears.
I burst in and your ‘girlfriend’ isn’t there.
You’ve locked yourself in your room.
Open the door. She knows about everything and it’s all my fault and now she’s gone. Open the door, Scide. I deserve to be punished. Open the fucking door. Go away. If you hurt yourself, I’ll go away, too.
You become silent, this entity […]
To my stomach
My palms won’t stop sweating
Thoughts flood my mind
My demons have taken over.
I can’t do it anymore.
I can’t try to smile
And act
Like everyone else
Because I know that I’m not
And I never will be.
And don’t call me a coward for being sad.
I am not a coward.
I am stronger than anyone will ever know.
And I have held in more thoughts than I am able to.
I am not a coward.
I am not a freak.
I am hurt and lonely and sad.
I am human.
They say that life goes on
But what if it leaves you behind
How are you supposed to pick yourself up again?
I may not survive this.
I go day by day trying to act like everything is wonderful. I am forced by others to maintain a smile on my face because if at any point I am unhappy, a whirlwind of shit talking begins. I get crap from everyone around me, so there’s no way that I can try to talk to anyone and try to get better. But I’m not allowed to ever feel upset? If I had a gun, I would already be dead, no doubt in my mind. I am tired of living and I am tired of people telling me that things will get better when they […]
Since I was the age of 15 (I’m 23 now) I have had various suicide attempts, each time either I fucked up at the last minute or the police intervene. I’ve been to psychologist, psychiatrist, specialists, councilors and been admitted to a mental health faculty. The past 3 years have been the hardest to cope with. I’ve tried getting help, but got nowhere. I get the feeling society wants me to kill myself (and I don’t blame it).
What shits me is that these attempts are quite life threatening, yet no-one has ever diagnosed me with a condition other than anxenity, but each time I’m talking […]
Im done with everyone’s bullshit, im tired of seeing people fuck perfectly good things up. Meanwhile im stuck here talking everyone’s shit while other people are given perfect life’s. Tonight my friend said that people who kill themselves are cowards and i couldn’t stop thinking about that. Im not coward ive been drun addiction, depression, and physical illness but im tired and weak. This shit has weighed on me for far to long hoq much longer am i supose to hold on to false hopes. Im at the end of my rope and i need a saving grace otherwise im pulling the tigr in the […]
I feel like my entire life has just been one mistake after another. I’m fat, I have awful grades in school, I hurt my spine trying to lift weights to get less fat, I can’t do manual labor, it looks like I might not get my high school diploma.
I’m just so tired. So, so tired. I’m so tired of making mistakes and being a waste of space. I can’t work to help pay for college because of my spine. I hurt my spine trying to get less fat. I’m fat period. I’m so lazy I can’t even get good grades in school because I never do my […]
I snapped.
I confided in you my deepest secret.
I trusted you.
But, I was wrong to do so.
You twisted my words.
Made it sound worse than it really was.
Then, you told everyone.
Don’t you know?
I still have feelings.
I thought you were my friend.
I thought you were the only one who cared about me.
But, I was wrong.
You didn’t care.
Others did, but I turned my back, and now they don’t.
It was all you.
You spread the rumors.
You talked behind my back.
Don’t you know?
I still have feelings.
I showed you my scars.
I showed you what I […]
Am I just too coward to embrace the death… Am I still too much attached to people around me and care for their for feelings towards me … Or Is there still some materialistic/physical comfort that really excites me and is unconsciously asking me to hold on to it … or there is really a purpose that divinity had decided for us and we can’t go before fulfilling it …
I feel that the the answer is none of those…
Instead the only reason that I think that I am still alive now is sheer curiosity ….. there’s defn some thing really exciting after death […]
Not everyday do the thoughts pass where i want to end it all .
But more than not do they come. I think everyone would go on with their lives if i were to just do it. Drink some concoction that never brings me back or just jump from my window, sure to snap my neck on the pavement. Ha ! So many ways to die and i am such a coward to not just do it.
I feel like everywhere, every day I’m constantly being lied about how much others care for me being alive. Deep down no one really cares what happens to me. It’s all a lie. Everyone is a hypocrite. They act as they care because they’ve been taught to do so. I feel like no one can help me or more like no one wants to do anything. I know I shouldn’t expect others to do what I can’t do for myself, but it would just be easier if people would support the only options I have left. I want to die.
No one is there for me […]
I thought my depression was gone; then reality bitched slapped me in the face.
Had a real shitty day today, found out my SAT scores weren’t high enough, made a fool out of myself in my language class, and got into a fight with my mom.
I feel like a failure, like all that I worked for is falling down the drain. I feel helpless.
I wanted to throw myself from the car on the expressway today, but was too much of a coward to do it.
I feel lost. I just want it to end. If life is just gunna do this my whole life, I […]
Hi everybody, I don’t want to reveal my identity so my friends or family could not read this (just in case). I’m 18 years old and here is my life story.
At first, everything was going perfectly, I was in the primary school, getting all the best grades and so on, suddenly, my life changed after me being 9 years old. New teachers came to school and fucked me over. They treated me like shit in the way that they restricted me to only 1 grade (C) and I’d get all C’s from every class, even though I’d do something for an A+ I’d get a […]
I stumbled upon the Project while looking for ways to make the End look like it wasn’t planned. Â It’s only made me more sad to see that there are so many people that feel similar to me. Â It’s beautiful though, to see so many likeminded folks listening, and offering support to those that can’t find it in the real world. Â I’m thankful the trolls haven’t embedded themselves yet.
I’m 30 in June, which makes me old in my mind. Â My 20’s have come and gone, leaving only confusion, amazement, and disappointment. Â I’m more successful now than I once thought I would be, but nowhere near where […]
I have come to realise that I actually do not want to get better, ever since I could remember, I have been depressed. And walking away from all that you know to become something else, something allegedly better is way too confronting for me.
Just thinking about this, scares me. And I feel like I am a stupid coward for not wanting to change, I could be normal. I could be happy if I tried. But I don’t think I ever will…
I have missed three psychiatry appointments because I don’t want someone to tell me I’m depressed nor do I want to believe in the existence of depression. (Which is a damn contradiction cause I’m a psych major and I know it does). I don’t want pills. I don’t want to talk about how I feel. The furthest I ever got to getting help was to the door of my psychiatrist’s office. I freaked out and left. I’m doing a half-ass job in everything. My GPA went down wayyy low. Money, my biggest motivator doesn’t even wake me up in the morning for work anymore. Guess […]
I hate who I am. I hate that I’m so afraid to fail that I’m not even living my life anymore. I don’t have anyone to talk to.. I’ve tried explaining it to my parents but they just get angry with me and tell me they don’t even care what I do anymore. They don’t know that I cry myself to sleep every night, pray that I don’t wake up in the morning, or that I have suicidal thoughts all the time. I wish I could just end my life but I’m too much of a coward and the last time I tried I failed […]
I hurt her already. Tore her heart apart, the only girl i really love. I did it again. Why did i do this again to her? No, i didnt hit her, i didnt emotionally abuse her. id never do thet to a girl. im too much of a southern gentleman. but i brike up with her a second time time. i thought it was a good idea, thought we didnt work out. now this bottle cant kill the pain of knowing iv dont this. i want her back. i miss my country girl. shes what makes my life worth living. if i come crawling back […]