It’s a typical question I’m normally asked. I normally say nothing. But wanna know the truth? I don’t know what’s wrong. I honestly don’t. I could be completely happy then boom. I’m a mess. I feel like I’m going to cry 99% and I have no clue why. I constantly feel like shit and for once I just want to be happy and stay happy. But something always ruins my mood and I have no clue what it is. For some reason I can’t stay happy.
Tag:
cry
I am the youngest in my family. I’m not close to anyone in my family except my brother (1 year age difference). When I was born I had two older (half) sisters who were about 8 and 6. I remember getting blamed for everything. They used to frame me and nobody ever believed that I was truly innocent. Even now, when they’re young-adults and no longer live here, I get blamed for anything bad happening in my parents life. I guess it’s easy to blame me. My father has a horrible temper and my mother has a personality of a mean school girl. This is […]
This is my first day coming off my meds and already I’m staring to cry. Nothing’s wrong! I’m at work… But I feel an overwhelming sadness welling up inside me. Because my life is so shit because I always fuck up. I don’t know… people tell me I have so much going for me. Why do I feel like my world is constantly falling down and there is no hope of building it up again.
Trying to tell myself not too.
This weekend is Easter and I’ll be visiting my family so it isn’t the best time to cut.
But every time I stop working or go to take a break it’s all i can think of.
There is just a quiet little voice in the back of my mind reminding me.
But i know it will only feel good for the fist few seconds.
Then I’ll cry and regret it.
Like I do every time.
I just want to rant/vent
I’m out of beer, all I’ve got that might help me are a few norcos, but they fucking suck. I’m done, things have just been getting more and more stressful throughout the night, I swear I’m about to just fucking break down and cry. Why the fuck are people like this? it’s not like any of us asked to have the chemicals in our heads fucked up beyond belief. A car fucking drove by my apartment and I panicked and grabbed a knife because I knew the bastard was coming into my place to attack me. He just kept driving, I knew he would, but […]
I received the results today. It hurts so much.
I’m not allowed to cry. I’m not allowed to feel devastated over not getting what I worked my ass off for. I’m not allowed to dwell on the what ifs. I’m not allowed to be in pain because I just found out that those hours-days-months-years I spent was useless. I’m not allowed to feel bad for failing.
I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to get the fuck up if I fall down and move on, move forward. I get it. I get what I’m supposed to do.
But I can’t.
I’m not the strong person you think I am.
I […]
I lost my girlfriend Rebecca because I was an idiot. That is all I have ever been since I pushed her away. I hate myself everyday, I still make her cry and I don’t want to be here anymore. I love her to death but I just keep hurting her. I hate it. I hate myself. I can’t be here anymore and I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to make the world better and leave. I hate myself. I really do. Ever since then, everyone is leaving me, I have no friends, I have no […]
It’s not a cry for help. Its my way of saying Im fading away and nobody can do shit about it.
Lately, drugs have been one of my closest friends, and still the best I have to this moment in time. I’m 16 and ever since I was 14 I’ve just wanted to commit, nothing pleases me more then the thought of ending all the pain; from passings in my family to just being lonely. I’m home alone for most of the day outside of school, and I don’t have the grades for a future. School makes me want to hurt myself, the expectations are never met, no praise is ever given. I’m over it all, over everything, I used to be obese then something clicked […]
OK so im 16 an I do pain pills and I cut myself, and I know one day i am going to be so sad that im going to take all the pain pills I have and be done with this messed up world. So, I have to start pushing people away. I don’t want anyone to be sad when I die. I don’t want anyone to attend my funeral. I don’t want anyone to cry. I don’t want anyone to care. I’m worthless, stupid, and a waist of space. I already hurt the people I love, so let’s just start pushing everyone away so […]
my head hurts. i’m very depressed. i feel that fog descending on me again…
it’s 7:07 pm and i want out of this life. i want to be gone. i know it’s probably wrong of me to feel this way… i must be pretty selfish to even consider it. many people would tell me so… i mean, what about my family, right?? especially my mom… she would be wrecked if i did this to her… i am her ‘rock’, her only support. but, at the same time, i cannot help it. i feel this pull, this urge to go… i want so badly to go… […]
Sometimes I’m thinking of catching the train, in a peaceful and pain-free manner of course, just to know what’s after this life. Just to know if I’ll become a ghost that materializes out of thin air, able to see my own coffin and able to see who will visit me. I just want to know who’ll cry, who really cares.
Things I tell myself on a daily basis..
They probably think you’re so stupid
They think you’re a joke
Why are you like this
Why can’t you be something the can be proud of
Why can’t you do anything right
You never fail at disappointing people
You created this whole shit fest of a life that you’re stuck in
Lay down and wither away
Don’t cry.. Do not cry
You’re such a fucking coward
You could never possibly be good enough to be likeable
You have never and will never finish anything because you fail
You will never truly be worth someone’s time
You are nothing..
Rot […]
Hey, Dead Girl!! Don’t cry for me.
It was a tragic existence,
this life you leave.
No ones to blame , but this for sure,
They hated your beauty, something you misunderstood.
You lived in a Bird cage on your own accord.
A cage of ugliness,
With an unlocked door.
They called you “fat”
They called you “whore”
But it was false, you never felt the touch of a lovers hand before.
So….. To your tormentors,
You sow the seeds of that mornings ghastly, ghoulish deed.
It was at the bus stop,
For your prosecutors to see.
You hang by your neck,
From the […]
I have a friend, that I consider as bestfriend. But I don’t think she thinks the same way. She’s such a popular person that everybody wanna be friend with her. We are teammates in soccer team. Yesterday she played awfully. I scolded her in front of other teammates. She cried because she played awfully, not because I scolded her. But the other teammates thought it’s because of me. Everybody thinks I am such a arrogant and bad person. She told me she didn’t cry because of me. But she never told the other teammates the reason she cried and she left me with that bad […]
I figured I’d see if there were 101 reasons why we’re no longer friends, trying to counter the other post. Psychiatrist says I need a more balanced view of things, so here goes…
1) Me
2) Physically we’re so different.
3) You said you could never be friends with someone as vile as me. Why did I ever forgive that?
4) You are so comfortable with who you are…
5)… I will never be comfortable with who/ what I am.
6) We argued so much.
7) We’re both childish, me more so.
8) I was in a horrible place in my life when we first met.
9) You remind me too much of him.
10) […]
I just can’t cry.
I feel like I really need to inside, and maybe if I could it’d make things better.
I haven’t cried in months.
Is this normal?
Its midnight. I’m sitting in the corner, wrapped in a blanket, trying not to cry my eyes out over nothing. Just because everyone else I know is happy, healthy, and in love is not a reason to cut. Just because I’m the only one who is fucked up isn’t a reason either. I love my family, I sometimes love my friends, but right now I don’t love me. And right now, I don’t think I’ll ever love myself. I’m worthless. Everyone else can figure their lives out, and I can’t. I will be forever in this frozen hell of self loathing
Who would go to my funeral if I did it, if I really went through with it? Would they cry, spend a day mourning me like they did him? Or would I be another statistic in this world, another person put through the machine and spat back out? Would they think I was weak, would they respect me, would they talk about me, would they feel guilt for all the thing’s they should’ve and shouldn’t have said? Would my cousin cry? Would she? Would he? Where would I end up, who would lay me down to rest, and who would speak the final words, what […]