I’ve been cutting since 7th grade. In 7th grade is when I first got bullied, some girl called me ugly, I told her off, she got her friends to go kick my ass blah blah blah. I dropped out half the year and decided homeschooling would be better for me, but no. It got worse, it lead to cyber bullying. I went back in 8th grade thinking it would actually be better since new people will come in, it was actually way worse than the year before. Rumors went around and what not. I left half that year also. During that summer, I made a […]
I’m not ugly, I’m not pretty. I’m just me. Depressed, lonely, boring me. I have a story, my story, to tell. I don’t believe in other people committing suicide, but i feel I should. I have so many reasons against me. I have had help, asked for it, it was given but nothing works. I’m still me here waiting, watching, wanting to die, but something keeps me from actually doing it. I want to so badly I cry because I cant even do that. Some days I eat everything, some days I don’t eat at all. I fail at school and suck at life. A ll I really want it to be […]
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
Is life even worth living anymore?
I have been trying, struggling against suicidal thoughts. I have been getting help, but it is still not working. I am scared, scared that I won’t live to become a teenager (I am not yet in my teens). I cry and cry and try to tell my friends, but I’m scared of their reactions. I hate myself because I am not strong enough, they are so strong, no matter what happens, they don’t think of suicide. But me? I can’t stop thinking of it. I am scared and hurt and I need help but I am too afraid to […]
I can feel it again. It’s a constant dread that looms over me no matter what I do. I feel like the walls are closing in around me, cutting me off and leaving me alone. It is a blankness that destroys all the colour in life. All that is good is meaningless in a world this bleak.
I always fear that it’ll come back, and now I can really feel it. I HATE this feeling. I despise it. It sets in and I lose touch with everything: in the past I’ve abandoned friends, lost partners, failed a degree. I can’t concentrate on anything, even recreational things […]
Feeling really insecure about my scars.. They are fading away and i don’t know what to make of that. I am not feeling depressed today (I am currently in my ‘happy’ cycle) but all I can think about is cutting.. especially on my arms. They have faded so much, I loved the look of them and now they are gone… I am so confused with these feelings.
When I crash into my ‘Depressed Cycle’ Â I know I will cut, badly. Guess I am just waiting. . […]
My whole life I have had horrible luck. I always had to struggle for the things I wanted while the people around me just got it handed to them.
I started self harming when I was around 11 it started out as light cutting on my left arm and then once I made enough cuts I would stop until they healed
One night I decided to write a suicide note and take a bunch of pills. I took around 60 pills of all kinds, some sleeping pills, some pain relievers, some pills that were just there. What ever pills I had I took them
Some […]
My dad told me in the car the other day that I was going to hell.
I ate at a Chinese buffet and got a fortune cookie that said, “accept yourself.” I thought if I have already, then I’m a worthless piece of shit that no one wants. I’m invisible to most, but those who see me are disgusted and try to get rid of me, one permanently. They really shouldn’t waste their time, I’ll do it myself eventually. So, they just leave. If I haven’t accepted myself, I’m sure when I do I’ll kill myself realizing I’m worse than I think.
I can’t do this for […]
my depression started when i was nine i figured out what had happend to me i was sexually assulted by parents i was put in foster care adopted into a family that is the reason of my pain and cutting and suicidal thoughts and many attempts they hate me they hate the way i dress my music everything about me they basically call me an attention seeking whore and when i cut i feel nothing and death hasnt taken my soul yet simply because i do not have one worth taking i feel like im drowning but not dying this is slow and painful life […]
I ..I just dont know why do i keep doing this to myself? My cutting addiction was nearly nonexistent.And then ,it got worse.I dont know how or why.It just did and i havent seem to notice that. I now do that even when im fine.It became somthing i do unconsciously, mechanically.
I want it to stop.I want ME TO STOP DOING THAT TO MYSELF.
But i cant.
Every time I decide to throw away razors, I change my mind in the last second and save them.
Like i mentioned,i was good.I took it nearly to the end,all of my scars began to fade.
I destroyed everything.Im […]
It’s been some time since I’ve posted on here, because I really haven’t had much to say. Things had been normal & for the most part everything was cool, I was beginning to be able to handle myself… Then I lost it. Yesterday I literally tore apart my room, balled my eyes out & cut. I cut in a visible place (which makes it worse for me) & it sucks. Ppl have been noticing and since my cat recently passed I can’t use the cat excuse anymore. Idk I just had to get this out… I wish I knew what made me temporarily lose my mind, any […]
I’ve just written a suicide note. I’m really scared. I want saving so badly but I now nothing nor no-one can fix me. No one cares for me, they just pretend to. No one would miss me, not after a little while. It’s really not that I want to die, I just want to stop feeling this excruciating pain. I’m so alone. So frightened. And I have no one.
I started cutting myself to make myself better, see I have this incredible sister. She’s amazing. Perfect. Outstanding grades, über talented, gorgeous and the nicest person in the world. And then there’s me. The fuck-up. I started […]
The small criss cross across my wrist
Nobody notices
Nobody cares
The small criss cross across my wrist
I want the the relief
I need the relief
Of the small criss cross across my wrist
I look at my hips, arm and belly. Seeing those red, fresh cuts is such a relief. The lovely pain, that beautiful bright red, those little blood drops, your sharp knife. That good feeling that isn’t possible to express in words. Just that feeling that isn’t repositionable…
So I’m spending this weekend with some friends, and I’m afraid that they will somehow notice the cuts in my arm.. They are not too big, but I don’t think that if I said it was a scratch they would believe it..
I will be very careful not to have my arms uncovered. But if somehow one of them notices..
What do I say? Is there any excuse that works?
I’m kinda freaking out about this.. I don’t want them to know.
Please help. Any suggestion is welcome.
be straight up I suppose…. My names Serena , I’m in 7th grade at Bemidji Middle School , I have a smile on my face most of the time(= , but everybody knows im ‘depressed’ , because …. I cut myself , a lot… my legs , my arms , my wrists , my stomach…. It make’s me feel better. I don’t know what else to do! , I ALWAYS get called a ; HOE , WHORE , **** , ***** , FAT , UGLY , WORTHLESS , ATTENTION WHORE , DUMB , BOYFRIEND STEALER , etc.. It sucks , a lot , I don’t […]
Anorexia.
Am I really fat?
Or is that just ED?
Body Image.
Am I really ugly?
Or is that just in my head?
Self Harm.
Cutting is always on my mind.
I know it’s bad, but I can’t stop.
Help.
I try to tell others to be strong.
Meanwhile, I’m breaking down.
Death.
I enjoy watching strangers being tortured.
I’m sick in the brain.
These are the reasons why I am insane.
Recovery.
Everyday is a struggle.
Must not turn back. I’m too strong now!
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
No one cares and those who do i dont want them to becuase i willonly just end up hurting them, People have been saying tome that im a real andi should just die.Maybe there right? theres nothing left for me in thuis world.
two days ago i fell down the stairs i can now barley move as my neck and back killsme. the sad thing is that i KNOW i derserve it, i am repilsedwith the things i do and ii know i shouldnt be aroudn t all.
i really need help, but my family dont understand,neither do my frineds i hang around with, they think i’mover […]
My name is Emily and this is my story. July 29,2011, 3 month anniversary with my boyfriend Ian. My best friends Mia, Maria, & planned to go to a Rangewide and meet our boyfriends there to hang out. We went, our boyfriends never showed up. No big deal, girl time. Well, the dance got boring and I told Mia and Maria I was gonna go hang out with Ian. I told them to call me later to meet up again. I got to my boyfriends house to find him very drunk, his brother had a party. I put him to bed and we cuddled and […]