im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]
Tag:
Cutting
i just gotta let all of this off my chest, it hurts so much. it’s been 40 days since i last cut, since my father said that the next time i cut, he would do something about it, he would put me in a facility that would help me, unlike my mother. i know, not cutting is a good thing, but you have no clue how much it helps. everyone has drama, at home, at school, whatever, but i just got to tell someone, even if no one reads this sh*! and i gotta tell u, it’s long, but if you could help me, i […]
I miss the cutting so much.
It’s odd.
For a while.. I didn’t think about it.
I didn’t think about anything.
I was numb. But now..
It’s like a need.
I have anxiety attacks now.
I will start crying.
I need cutting.
Not burning.. nothing else.
Just cutting.
But I just can’t get a fucking blade.
So many people posting their story.. Thought I’d post mine.
I guess all the ‘bad stuff’ really started when I was 11. Sure my dad abused us before then, but only as a dicaplin. Pulling the hair.. Slapping the face.. Kicking your ass all the way up the stairs to your room..
When I was 11, I was molested. May 6th, 2005. About 4am from my guess. It was at my best friend’s birthday party. Her dad. Needless to say I don’t really talk to her anymore. She got too messed up for obvious reasons.
It wasn’t too bad really. I just woke up with his hand on […]
Humans, humanity, and this (earthly) world/life is not/never a perfect place..
sometimes it even can be ‘blamed’ because of our human’s hard-wired Nature. ie: the way we’re ‘created’.
A famous atheist literature Christopher Hitchens who just passed away ironically few days before Christmas, he said this: “Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.”
think about that, really…and this is even still just ONE factor (ie: I’m still not talking about other ‘imperfections’ nature […]
i’ve cut myself since i was 11(i’ll b 17 in 6 days). its of course gotten “worse” since then. but i just wanna know if anyone else cuts themselves. im tired of being called sick because i find solace in a blade. does anyone else feel the same? i need someone whos going thru what i am. i hope we can continue to tlk, cuz i need someone i can identify with
Forgive yourself & other humans,..because this *earthly* life is not perfect…and we’re all only humans…we made mistakes.
and besides, we all live only ONCE in this earthly life, so that’s why many people made mistakes in their life, because you can’t simply turn back time and repeat life..
So forgive yourself (& others), free yourself from all the restricting guilts,
keep learning,
and keep doing the Best & worthwhile while you’re still given a chance to exist and alive here in this physical world…
The days seem to get longer and darker everyday , I light one up and take another shot , yeah things will get better if im not sober . I get hit once again slammed into the wall . yet i take that for im a piece of shit . No one knows what happens when the door shuts . They think I laugh smile and have a good time . But deep down inside im dead , have been for a very long time .
i didnt know what to do until i decided to move in with you again . The drugs came […]
People always seem to ask why im never smiling or lauging . too many people ask whats wrong .
No one sees the scars on my stomach , legs , or wrist , people dont really get that shit gets real behind closed doors . No one knew for the longest time that i used to cut night after night after night . My family would be up stairs and I would be taking another razor to my body , making new or re opening cuts . It got to the point where my mom didnt even notice me anymore . she took his side […]
The chances I have a mental breakdown, or at least say something regretable, in my class tomorrow (I call it Bullshit 101) is way too high.
There is only so much bullshit and stupidity I can deal with. Â I don’t have a very high tolerance normally, but this is ridiculous. Â I feel like I might explode. Â I am so tired of hearing people whine about things they know nothing about, or assume that my opinion or the source of my facts is wrong simply because it doesn’t coincide with theirs. Â “Oh, that’s not what I heard.”
I’m actually crying. Â A rare occurrence for me.
I have an incredible […]
Things are starting to get difficult in this house again. I finally reached it, happiness, a few months ago or even a year ago or so. Then this all happened. Who’s to blame really of these family problems? I’ve had my fair share, I suppose. I’m a bad daughter. Always have been. Is it wrong that when everything gets difficult for me, my urges of depression comes back? My dad was yelling, kicking, punching, slapping, yet all I could focus on was the pair of big purple scissors I always used to cut myself. This may sound sick to some of you. I really don’t […]
I posted on here nearly a year ago, when I was fifteen. Well, I’m sixteen now, and things have not improved in the least.
My dad is still an angry, violent alcoholic. My mom still stands behind him. I still come home with outstanding grades, only to be put down by my parents, saying it still isn’t good enough. That I’m not even trying.
Here’s the thing; I actually haven’t been trying. I can’t anymore. The depression has turned. I used to cry a lot, and reach out to friends when I was at my worst. Now, I don’t feel much of anything. I have no motivation, […]
When I was in the 7th grade my brother was sent away for therapy because he was dealing with alot of problems (ocd, tourettes, drug/alch abuse). In the 8th grade I started to feel neglected and hated by my parents, so i started cutting after every fight we had, which turned into coming home from school every day to cut my self. I stopped for a while, but then relapsed in the 9th grade. When this happened, i told my dad i was depressed and really considered killing myself and that i needed therapy. He said okay, and never brought it up again. After that […]
Well, you could say that I made it through my suicidal thoughts. But that is a story I am not comfortable sharing quite yet as I am still collecting my thoughts. But at any rate, when I do share, it should be an interesting read.
I am posting here today to ask for advice on cutting myself. I am aware that I am not allowed to discuss methods here but I don’t feel that this is necessarily a method.
I have managed to bottle my emotions for many years, but ever since I first felt suicidal, I have had a desire to feel the pain and suffering […]
Down and down I tumble
Towards the end of it all
Feeling so hurt and dead
Just a constant reminder
I wish to bleed
Nothing more to carve away
I want it.
God, I crave it more.
To dig away my skin.
To hide away all the reminders
It will be no better
Probably not. But I hate myself
More for leaving proof
Dreadful memories of what I am
A deep insane mental case
Who tried to end herself many times
Now with marks everywhere
Ashamed and forever frightened
To be judged and lectured
To show off my body to my love
For even my […]
Does slitting ur wrists work, is ther a Gud chance of success?
Im tired of this it hurts to much i cnt stop crying all i do is cry and it feels like icnt breathe like im slowly drowning. Icut myself to calm dwn but it dsnt last long idk wat else to try and wat makes things worse is all my so called friends hav basically abandoned me ihave no one ican talk to im all alone and it hurts to think i always will be. its gotten to the point were ive cryed so much ive made myself sick. Ive thought about ending it once and for all but iwant ther to be no chance […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QW4x4gswm-o
“Tsubasa wo Kudasai” (Please Give Me Wings)
Lyrics translation:
“If I could have my wish come true right now
I’d want to have wings
Please place wings on this back
like a bird
I want to spread my wings
and fly in these heavens
To the free sky with no sadness
I want to flutter my wings and fly
Even now, I don’t need money nor fame,
what I want are wings!
The things I dreamt as a child,
I still dream about them today!
I wan’t to spread my wings
and fly into this wide sky!
I want to flap my wings and fly to this
free sky filled […]
“I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it.” – Agent Smith (The Matrix)
Reason for my downfall is simple: this real world is too damn boring, I can’t stand it anymore
by niki
written by niki
Perhaps to the contrary of what many of you would think here,
I am actually live from a quite healthy & “normal” situation/environment, eg:
– I am born from a quite loving, and healthy family. My childhood was a quite happy ones, with lots of traveling here & there.
– I am from a quite middle-to-upper class family, which can be said, I’m pretty much okay/well-off, albeit not super/very-rich.
– I even went to all those what “normal” society would call “great routes” in life like: great education & school overseas (in U.S, “The Land of the Dream” for immigrant people like me, which is […]