6 months ago, my 12 year old brother was in independent detention when he tried to choke himself with the wire of a spiral notebook. Gladly, someone caught him and they had the school’s deputy escort him to a behavioral institution. At the end of my school day, I was waiting down in the band hall for two of my friends, Valerie and Wolfgang, when I got the text from my mother that read: [Your brother] tried to kill himself at school. Dad and I are going to the Littleton Behavioral Institute. We don’t know when we’ll be home but you need to take care […]
Tag:
Dad
Going out of country for a bit so if you try to reach me and cant its not cause I don’t care. Will be reachable till Sat night 12 am. My Dad had lung surgery and has been very sick, don’t want to leave but promised my daughter we would go. Im awake tonight if u need to talk. Will be back next Sunday.
Mom: I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for the family. Thank you for working so hard to pay for necessities, housing, and my medical bills. You will no longer have to deal with that though. The end is near. I’d like to also add that I wish you understood the way I have felt all of my life. The words I recall hearing still hurt me until this very day: “a mistake,” to Rebecca. The beatings were not a lesson learned, nor helpful to my self-development. Your yelling and screaming did nothing but torment me, I never wanted to hear […]
Well, I’m a newcomer. I’ve read, and commented on a couple of posts and I’m actually kind of…well…not ‘happy’ that I found this site but, more intrigued. I’m 14, 10th grade, and I’ve already found my depression. Even when I get out of it and go to my ‘happy music’ (which is basically rave and happy hardcore), I find myself slowly slipping back into the dark emo cutting phase. and don’t get mad at the word emo. It’s how I describe myself. I have a wonderful boyfriend, great friends who are there for me, but I just don’t know what it is that pulls me […]
Ive never been that girl to be “depressed”. Im always laughin,even when there’s that one thing that killed my mood,i always find something stupid to laugh at…now i realise that that was my brain’s automatic way of blocking out what i call pain.
Something happened tonight that changed me,my whole mental state. My dad hit me..not just hit but PUNCHED me. He misinterpreted something i said and took it as an insult, so then,he punched me. I must admit, im not the most respectful child,at all. But i NEVER thought my own father would punch me,as if i was one of his scumbag friends. Ive always […]
hi, i’m not a good writer, so i’ll just lay it out. Â im 32, ive spent the last four years busting my ass to get into grad school. I have always been depressed, but I don’t remember much from before my dad died. Last may I found out I was gonna have a son. In Sept my mom died. In Dec my baby was born. This semester was a blur, but I managed to fail the GRE, get rejected from grad school, fail a critical class, but I managed to walk with my class back in may. My aunt has just been diagnosed with […]
My Dad had lung surgery today so I was quite busy …but if anyone needs to talk if you feel like shit, call me. My number is 4054643502. I live in Oklahoma. I thought I wanted to die but realized on this site maybe I need to say wait a minute….watch stupid videos that make me laugh. enjoy the time with my dad and my family and give to others if I can. If you want to die , that’s your decision. Im gonna watch Jenna Marbles on utube, realize how fucking ridiculous and stupid things are and try to move on. I know depression […]
I honestly feel bad but assured about not telling my parents about my problems. I know I have problems and im a fuck up but I don’t want my parents to know that. My dad is trying to work as hard as possible to get his vacation leave and my mom is having problems at work. Both my parents are trying to keep the house we live in and they’re trying their best to pay for everything. My parents never even had a wedding like a full on wedding with the cake and the decorated themed church. And I want to give them that chance. […]
I am 39 years old I have thought about suicide since I was 6 years old. My life has always been so difficult. I had one person that kept me alive and that is my dad. I didn’t want to disappoint him. Now I live for my son but my life is imploding and I just think about dying more and more. It makes me sad to think of leaving my son but its just too much. I feel broken, bullied, abused, abandoned and alone. Today my husband let me know that I am a failure, an idiot, a fat fuck, a loser and a […]
always yelling always talking about me like I’m not there. My dad died when i was eight he was the only one of a family of six that i loved. Once he went suicidal and left me all alone i don’t know what to do. My mom has become a different person and is always complaining about everything i do. She does not understand that i try to do everything I can do right. I make good grades I try to be happy and i give advice to others. Sometimes when i ask for advice or when i need comfort. Nobody is there to give […]
I wish I could get this feeling away from me but suicide pops into my head all day. I’m 21 years old and feel like I have already lived enough. I’m drained. I sit here now typing this in my bed n don’t even have the energy to pick my head up off the pillow. And I did nothing today. Like I do everyday. But suicide seems so nice right now. Like all this stress and sadness gone in a minute. Â But what’s so hard about it is I don’t want to die. When I think about it I just think of my mom n […]
I’m not lost, I’m not in pain, I’m not under that much stress (22/m/In college), I don’t have too bad a life actually. My dad is unemployed so with my part time job I’m helping him stay afloat back home but I don’t mind. He wiped my ass when I shat my diapers as a baby and now I’m repaying him by helping him when he needs it. I’m not religious. I never understood the whole God thing. Not that I didn’t go to church. I really tried to believe, I wanted to believe, I just couldn’t buy into the invisible dude in the sky […]
I was just reading through an online addition of the peaceful pill handbook (probably an outdated version, but oh well). If anyone has read some of my other posts, I have talked about how much I would like to use an exit bag. I don’t have any supplies gathered yet, but that’s because I’m trying to learn as much as I can about this method before I go out and do it. From what I can understand, gas is the most common “knocker outer” that is used with exit bags. I have considered buying a tank of helium or ********, maybe even both for good […]
My boyfriend and I just got in a fight. Beginning because I wouldn’t send him pictures. He got mad because I sent ONE to a kid over a year ago, as I went through my freshman slut phase. I told him it was a mistake and not to talk about. But he kept dwelling on it. I started crying because this is what it causing my pain again. People bringing up the old me and bashing on me. He kept asking why I was crying and I just kept telling him he wouldn’t understand. Finally, I reminded him of my depression, which he then reminded […]
I never asked to be born. It’s not like I was given much of a choice. I didn’t choose my parents, my house, the schools I went to or the country in which I live. I’m just here. And everyday it becomes harder for me to accept that. It’s not my fault that I see the world the way I do, or that I hold such feelings of hatred for it. Nothing would make me happier than to see it and everyone in it burn. But no amount of me hoping, ranting or dreaming of that is going to make it happen. So I give […]
I remember when I had none
No secrets.
There were no need for them.
I could trust anyone and everyone with anything.
I had no secrets.
I had no worries.
But one day something changed.
I became older, more mature
and suddenly everything was my fault.
Have you ever had a loved one pass?
Have you ever been bullied?
Has your mother ever gotten mad at you,
and said the words “Its just who you are”?
That’s all happened to me.
Now I’m worried.
Now I have secrets.
There’s no going back to the old me.
There’s no reversing what’s happened.
There’s nothing I can do,
besides […]
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
My story:
I found this site about a year ago on my sister’s laptop. She was 15 then, and it was exactly three weeks before her 16th birthday. She’d declined my parents the joy of setting up a “sweet 16” party for her, because she didn’t want to give them the joy of setting it up. Then on her 16th birthday, she killed herself. I never got to ask her about the site, or why she always did everything she could to make our parents angry, now it doesn’t even matter. I don’t know if she had an account, I only know the site appeared on her […]
I hate every second I spend in this hell hole that’s supposed to be my home. I hate looking at my dad, every time I do I feel this surge of resentment. Im tired of being that bastard’s punching bag, the fuck up to blame when things go wrong, the one who’s talents are ignored. I’ve never cut before but tonight I really want to. Everything that’s important to me is ignored, the only thing that gets me noticed is when I get pissed off and snappy, then they yell at me and I’m left crying, trying hard to explain. No one understands, they can’t […]
It was only the first time.
I spun the blade around in my hands
contemplating if I should really do this or not.
I heard my mom yell.
Yes, I should, It’s worth it.
The blade sank into my arm,
cutting across my arm.
Not too deep.
It was only the second time.
The kids at school were bullies.
My parents just got mad.
I took the blade in my hands.
I didn’t even think about it.
I pushed it into my arm,
cutting across parallel to the last one,
A little deeper.
It was at least the 50th time.
I didn’t even have different reasons anymore.