It’s just before 12pm. Â I have only just woken up and I wake up today looking at life like it’s a curse. Â What is the point of living life? Â (Not in a suicidal state of mine). Â I lay here thinking to myself how hard it is to get out of bed to get to the shower or to get downstairs to eat breakfast. Â So I just lay here for longer. Â It is now 1pm. Â I have decided to get up and start going on with my day to day jobs. Â I was meant to go out today but I don’t want to leave the house. […]
Tag:
Darkness
I’ve been walking alone. I turned back around and everyone was far away, so I continued walking. “I wasn’t afraid of being alone anymore.“ I’d whisper that to myself. But inside me was emptiness. I forgot how it was like to feel alive. Now I just live in the memories as I walk these paths. But suddenly I was lost. I didn’t know what direction to take. I was scared. Everywhere I turned there was darkness, no light shined. So I sat there in dark hours in the middle of nowhere figuring out what I’m going to do. I was blinded by the tears I […]
This is not ‘Gyan’. But this is my Suicide story.
I write this with a very heavy heart. Not that I knew Jiah Khan personally. Not that I thought she was a fabulous actor, she was decent but very beautiful, she’d do very well indeed if she had  willed. But she was woman, like me. She was a person like us all. She was struggling with life and she gave up, she quit.
Her suicide story took me down memory lane. Not a pleasant one of course. The darkness is mostly never pleasant. I certainly find it addictive and I have witnessed its malignant face too. I […]
I’m no longer myself anymore. I’ve morphed into something so beautiful, yet so fragile. Like a butterfly. I started off as a small egg. Then I was hatched, brought into a world where there were larger things than I. Things that were sure to destroy me. I was pummeled and shown horrors no little caterpillar should. All the while I spent my time absorbing and eating up the words that were viciously thrown at me. I chose to listen. I guess eventually the little caterpillar me had had enough,so I formed walls around me. I was to stay there forever. Safe, and warm, and perfectly […]
“I can see the scars.” she said.
I realized now that there was no use to hide them, I was scheduled to leave by train in an hour anyways.
“what about them?” I replied.
She looked at me for a while. I could tell she was searching for something. Maybe some lost light behind the darkness. Some hope within me.
“Why?” she answered.
“Why what?” I replied.
“Why’d you do that to yourself? I’ve never gotten the point of cutting. What does it help?”
(Reply to her in the comments.)
(p.s. I will be doing these often and titling them ‘!!!’ I hope I get comments.)
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
My story:
It was only the first time.
I spun the blade around in my hands
contemplating if I should really do this or not.
I heard my mom yell.
Yes, I should, It’s worth it.
The blade sank into my arm,
cutting across my arm.
Not too deep.
It was only the second time.
The kids at school were bullies.
My parents just got mad.
I took the blade in my hands.
I didn’t even think about it.
I pushed it into my arm,
cutting across parallel to the last one,
A little deeper.
It was at least the 50th time.
I didn’t even have different reasons anymore.
I snapped.
I confided in you my deepest secret.
I trusted you.
But, I was wrong to do so.
You twisted my words.
Made it sound worse than it really was.
Then, you told everyone.
Don’t you know?
I still have feelings.
I thought you were my friend.
I thought you were the only one who cared about me.
But, I was wrong.
You didn’t care.
Others did, but I turned my back, and now they don’t.
It was all you.
You spread the rumors.
You talked behind my back.
Don’t you know?
I still have feelings.
I showed you my scars.
I showed you what I […]
no
i don’t drink it
i’m too young to be an alcoholic.
don’t you know that?
it’s just the rubbing kind
that stuff.
i love it.
after i cut
both to continue the pain
and to disinfect
(’cause, yeah, i’m the only cutter in the world who gives a crap about that)
but mostly for the pain
i pour it in the cuts.
i would say it’s like
getting high
but i never have
so i can’t say.
if getting high is anywhere near as amazing as this
i see why people are stupid enough to.
it’s like
fire in my veins
it’s […]
Hi,
My username is an anagram so if any of you care to do a little word play, you can figure out my real name, but thats not why I am here. I am here to tell you, the reader, a story. A story about me and why I want to die, yet cannot achieve presently.
I was born January 25, 1987. My mother was a drunk at the time and my father was smoking crank. I am the result of a one night stand. An accident turned paternal, if you will. My very first thought, I remember, was when I was still an infant, unable to […]
Hi everyone my name is Sunflower. I have been a member of this sight for a while now (over a year i think maybe 2). This sight has helped me tremendously. When I had no one I came here to talk and express my feelings. Ive made friends here; some of whom havent come on for a while and I hope are doing well. When  I say I love you all i mean it. My life has been hell, confusing and oh so very lonely and SP has been my light through all the darkness. Anyone who I havent talked to on here i do […]
I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I want to die, truly I do. I dream of plunging a knife into my gut and slipping into ethereal darkness. My brain delights in torturing me and I just don’t want to go on like this. I’m trying to help myself, but I am relapsing. My friends wouldn’t be able to help me, and I tend to think none of them would understand where I come from. My friend made a comment about overdosing on pills and a someone she hated, and I said ‘it’s not easy.’ A hint into my hidden past. She just called […]
There lays a girl
in a large room, painted in white
yet the walls are darkened from the lack of light
one small window can only let in so much daylight.
Situated in the middle, eyes glued to the ceiling
wondering when the outside world will come to a halt
when the noise was disappear from her ears
yet it all still surrounds her.
Tears stream slowly, yet are not visible
screams would be heard
if only her voice wasn’t lost
for she is too afraid to be open to this world.
Day is coming to an end
yet it feels like no time has gone by
everything has always been that way
dull and the same.
How to escape
to feel alive
to […]
i want to cut severely deep.
i want to hit myself with the hardest things, as hard as i can.
i want to drown in my tub with heavy rocks holding me down.
i want to never speak again.
i want to take all the pills i can find.
i want to purge until my throat is raw.
i want to never eat again.
i want to say good bye and mean it.
i want my body to fail me.
i want the blood to keep pouring.
i want the darkness to eat me alive.
pulling me further and further down.
i will be no more.
nothing.
gone.
if only […]
beautiful day outside. in the 80s. but i see only darkness. can’t seem to escape my head. don’t have the energy to do anything. want to sleep, but can’t. barely have the energy to write this. trying to form coherent sentences . it is almost may. the month i had designated as my last. maybe that is why i am weepy, sad, etc etc. name the depression symptom i have it. the muscle pain and fatigue seem to be getting worse. sleep doesn’t feel refreshing. like i have been beaten up while i slept. then there is the suicidal thoughts. never far from my mind. […]
I came here today to search some posts in hopes of obtaining an easy, painless, peaceful way to leave this life. I read many similar posts and I too can’t seem to keep my depression in check. Sadly it DOES effect every other part of your life. I manage to ruin or push away any good thing in my life. Each time I try harder to gain control of my emotions and depression it only seems to end even worse. I have lost count of the jobs I have walked away from in a huff, friends I have lost due to being overly sensitive and family […]
Some nights when I am having a hard time falling asleep, I finally get there and I awake suddenly. Â In that split second when I open my eyes in the dark of my room in the middle of the night I feel like I have seen and felt death. Â I feel its nothingness, I see it’s darkness. Â It scares me and I notice my heart is pounding and I remain spooked for several minutes before finally sleeping, like a baby.
I’ve been feeling this way for almost 11 years. I’m surprised I’ve even made it this far. I’ve lost most of my friends because they’re tired of hearing me being sad and depressed all of the time, especially when their lives are going so well. Not like they were any help to me when they were around but it’s just that now, I feel completely alone. I have no one to talk to and I’ve been keeping my feelings in for so long. No one even bothers to help me anymore because they feel its no use. After they give me advice, a couple of […]
My mind is racing and I feel out of control. All I think about is hurting myself. I’m scared. I have never felt this severe urge to bleed. I can’t do this. I’m crazy and alone. I’m going to die soon and nobody will notice if they do it will be relief  that I’m gone. I’m at the end. This is it. There’s no more light only darkness
Family does not understand what manic depressive bi-polar is like.
I feel dead inside. My soul has been devoured by a pit of darkness pulling me in.
Every day… I see no hope… no future. Just darkness, pain, lonely… can’t fight the pain much longer.
I am a surviver of lortabs & Xanax overdose. 5 day coma… brain damage. have a shotgun now.
I’m ready….