Everything blurs past in a haze. I’m not thinking straight, I’m barely thinking at all. Tears come to my eyes at the strangest of times. These rushes of sadness and loneliness are almost unbearable. When people ask why I’m crying I can’t explain, they’d never understand even if I could explain. People simply assume I’m looking for attention which of course I’m not and of course it also leads me into a deeper darker place. This is the point where the suicidal thoughts start to take over. I walk to a quiet place away from everyone. I smoke, but it’s not enough. That’s when I […]
I had to change the music, but it’s already all too late. If I were in it’s stability, it would be like writing a book status as I sit. I’ve already said every words. The dungeon that I am battling. But no-one will ever know. The destination . . . isn’t coming back. Attacked, from every which way . . . The name of a dark one makes his name and view down deeper and clearer. The ten-year cycle that my mom told me about, it isn’t over. The hardest thing, it exist now . . . But what is it. This night shall disappear, […]
…what it was like to feel deep sadness as a young person. Well, really as a younger person because I am still young. I mean I see all of these high school folks on here feeling broken because they feel as if they have no friends, feeling lonely and I feel for them. I wonder how their sadness is similar and different from that sadness which I felt at their age. The internet was a smaller place 15 years ago, not much smaller but a bit. Blogs were less popular, there were less voices on sadness. Now it seems like there […]
Okay so I’ve been asked to share my story and here it is.
I am a 17 year old female and I have cancer.
I was diagnosed about this time last year and I was told that I have a 75% chance of surviving. In November I had my right leg amputated, just above the knee. I am still on chemo.
When I was about 13-years old, my best friend died. This had a major impact on my life. I couldn’t eat, sleep or even talk to anyone. My parents started taking me to a psychologist but it didn’t help. I was taken to a specialist and i […]
I know everyone is caught up in their own life, and I get that. Still, people are so clueless to see when others are not well around them. They ask me if I’m okay constantly due to my demeanor, because I don’t smile or laugh anymore. I use to wear that mask for everyone. I’d go to work or visit family and put on that ”happy mask” and I’ve come to the place before my end, where I just don’t give a shit anymore. If they want to ask questions, that’s fine, they’re entitled to. Doesn’t mean I have to answer, but if I do […]
i’m in a lot of emotional pain today. the loneliness is what hurts the most. at the risk of sounding ‘whiny’, i feel completely alone. i have no friends. i am not close with anyone in my family anymore. i live with my parents, but i’m even isolated from them, not like they want a closer relationship with me anyway – they’re perfectly glad to keep interactions at shallow surface-level.
all day, every day, i stay in my room with my cat. i have to be on the internet all the time to have even some semblance of connection with the outside world. i hate being […]
I’d go back to yesterday, when I slipped that noose around my neck but stopped when I heard them coming up the stairs. I’d hold the door shut until I was finished.
I’d go back 6 months and not send that letter to you. I’d remember to lock the front door so they wouldn’t have found me.
I’d go back 12 months and cut a bit deeper with that straight razor. I wouldn’t tell people I needed help, I wouldn’t tell them I was glad I had them, because I never did.
I’d go back 18 months and just tell you to fuck off. Maybe this could have […]
I’m 21 and I’m already tired of this life. I don’t want to die..just want to disappear. I’m ready to give up everything I have, just to be in a better place. I started self harming last year. All these years, I was trying to be strong and pretending that I was normal after every shit that I’ve been through. Lying is more of a habit because nobody really wants to listen to your shit. Family still thinks that I’m fine and I’m scared to ask for help.
Day by day, I’m losing my sanity, cuts are getting more deeper and memories are fading.
Sometimes […]
Trying not to break down but yet starting to slide into the cracks at the same time…. No one understands my pain or whats on my mind right now. Maybe this is a bad point one someone says there’s only one you because you are unique. The knife is still in my back not going in any deeper but still hanging in there leaving me numb except for those raw tears I’ve been crying of misery, pain…. Just wishing to get out of it like a butterfly leaving its cocoon. Late at night just to get a little shut eye. But even when I’m asleep […]
Feeling so alone right now. Been a deeper funk than usual the past couple of days and can’t get out of it. I want to be alone but I’m also lonely. I’m just drowning in my thoughts. I can’t shut my brain off. All i want to do is cut.
Hello everybody who may be reading this,
I just cannot stand life anymore, anyplace I live it’s the same… I’m just drowning down, deeper every day and I feel so alone… I cannot even get proper sleep anymore and I’m just able to cry… It’s tiring and depressing.
This time when I cut, I regressed to cutting my left shoulder, as I was wont to do years ago. I slit superficial lines between the iron cross, making the black ink of the tattoo glisten prettily. I wish I had taken that razor and slit my goddamn throat. But I am a gutless *****, too afraid of what could happen to me if I do it. So there are 14 lines, some longer than others, some deeper than others. All easily hidden by my shirt sleeve.
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU BLAME ME FOR WHAT HAPPENED??!! The fall wasn’t my fault. “You’ve got to hold on […]
Night time sucks. I just lay here infested by terrible memories of a better time. I miss her. I shouldn’t but I do. She is the love of my life and the ignition of my ruin. I’m not going to do what I’m going to do because of her but because she’s gone. And I did it. I ended it. I wanted to be free of the burden of knowledge, but some shit just sticks. The worst part of it is the happiest memories of her are the ones that hurt the most. The ones I can’t purge. It’s an everlasting thorn in my flesh. […]
I told my wife that last week I was deeply depressed, and we processed by feelings. If I had told her that I was severely depressed that would have had undesirable and unintended consequences. This morning I told her that I felt better which in some self-delusional sense is true. But I also told her that I thought of suicide, and it’s as if she was shocked. Last year I had a major depressive episode and had acute suicidal ideations. I told her that I expected that I would suffer with suicidal thoughts at least for the foreseeable future and maybe even for the […]
Keeps getting deeper
Of in the binary, use a Phoenix-down
Given to, by an Electakid
I am, the chain of Pilgrimage
Hades, the devil has won
In the world, totality
2014 A.D.
Jesus was crucified
It’s only me, it’s only me
Bounce, putrid from beautiful galaxy
Take me to virtue, I just want to kick it
Ride my bike, get the fuck out, I can’t wait
Let me buy the fucking beer, or some bud, with my white-dog
Camaraderie de la mort with my hockey-mask, I want to make it
Across to the cross, I need to go now if North, kick-it, burn, gold-liquid
What else, […]
I am slowly coming to honest terms with the fact that, against all of my efforts, there truly is no hope for me. Whatever good things that I either create for myself or just happen upon me are all illusions whose ugly truths get revealed eventually.
I cannot trust my mom or my dad. Or the various mentors in my life.
I cannot trust my sister.
I don’t know if I can trust my brother, although ironically he’s shattered my trust many times in the past.
I cannot trust the only person who has ever really known me and who said the words, “I will always love you.”
I no longer have friends to break my trust.
This February, […]
Help me, I need help. I can’t stop cutting.. deeper and deeper. My suicidal thoughts are just growing stronger and stronger. I can almost not control them. I’ve wanted to commit suicide so many times. But I can’t. My depression and anxiety are taking over. Help me.. please.. I don’t know what to do. HELP.
Everyone hates the attention seekers. The ones who always say things to get others attention and pity. The ones who tell someone every inch of his or her personal, tragical and dramatic life just to get a reaction. Attention seekers disgust everyone. People are sick of them.
One thing I hate most about myself, is that I kind of am an attention seeker. I do things to get others pity without even noticing it. It’s like there’s two sides of me; a side who does everything possible to get attention, pity and all the things I wrote about earlier, and a side, who doesn’t want to […]
It has been a while but I guess this was inevitable, I really tried to cut deeper but the knife was just so blunt. I just couldn’t feel the sadness that I know I should feel. I feel so empty and lifeless, this at least made me feel something. Just like last time, I started shallow and then gradually I will cut deeper and deeper.
People often mistake cutters for attention seekers and while it is true I am posting my picture in a public space, I […]
Three months. I survived three months without cutting. I thought I was finally coming out of my depression, that I was actually gonna be OK. Clearly I was wrong. I feel like I’ve just dug an even bigger and deeper hole when all I really needed was a rope.