The demons are getting to me. They are all inside my head now and my body is getting drained more and more each day. The suicide fantasies and the warm feelings of ending my life are starting to flare up again. Medication is not working anymore either. I think I’m gonna have to go sometime soon. I have fought for long, but they are winning.
Tag:
Demons
Darkness prevails
Throughout all the day
The darkness remains
It’s here to stay
Light cannot pierce
It’s armor so strong
The darkness remains
T’was here for so long
Shadows no more,
Demons no long’r hide
The darkness remains
I have to abide
Darkness prevails
Throughout all the day
The darkness remains
It’s here to stay
Why is it that every time I try to end it all my conscious is like “No you can’t do this.”? Is it because I don’t have the guts to actually cut my vein?Or is it because I still have hope that I can conquer this battle? Yet, I can still harm myself? And not think twice about what I’m doing. Maybe I can conquer this battle or my demons are just playing around with me.
I couldn’t do what you said
This is a death note instead
There’s these voices in my head
Just wanna put them to bed
They’ve been screaming ’bout the pain
That’s been coursing through each vein
I’ve been trying to hit reset
This is all such a mess
They said suicide is a sin
But this game I cannot win
I am a 14 year old teenager, depressed and suicidal. I know this may sound stupid but does anyone know any pills that will make me pass out if I overdose? I am not exactly trying to kill myself, just a way of revealing my pain to my parent without having to actually talk to them, but let’s just say I wouldn’t care if I died overdosing.
I know I will receive lots of “don’t do this” “you don’t deserve life” and “you’re worth it” but I don’t believe any of that. I hate my life and myself so much, I don’t think anything or anyone […]
I don´t know how I ended up like this.
I feel like I don´t have anyone. Anyone I can hug or touch, just to feel the warmness of the body of someone else. Everybody leaves me. I can´t sleep at nights. I lay in my bed and listen how drops of rain are colliding with my window, thinking about all the people that left me behind continuing in their way and I stayed, like glued to the ground with no chance to move on. Someone would say I finally get used to people leaving me. But everytime it´s getting worse and worse. And I, like an […]
I don’t know where to begin. I’m 25. And I’m scared honestly. I know the tears that runs down face, is pain. And I feel like I can’t go through it anymore. This life of mines is something I don’t want to go through anymore. I’ve dealt with so much throughout my life, I feel like, I just can’t do it anymore.
My demons creep back into my room and rip me to shreds…. Leave me with tears, scars, and blood dripping from my legs…. Who cares though right? I mean that’s how I live life everyday… With the people around me.. Who say they’ll stay?
I mean they said it’d be okay.. But honestly this “okay” feeling has yet to come.. So here I am once again putting on the same mask to hide my true expression.
Though I may smile it doesn’t mean I feel how I look… Looks can be deceiving.. And one might say that I’m a master of deception. I scream for […]
I can’t take it anymore. I am breaking into pieces , I’m just tired of life , that’s all!! 🙁
I’m sick of all the shit. I can’t fight the Demons inside me , I just wanna drag the blade on my skin 🙁 !!!!! 🙁
I’ve always dealt with anxiety and depression, well since i was 15, is when i felt the horrible feel.
I wish i never felt that way ever again, and i would do so, to not feel that way again , is to not put myself in that position.
I fell in love again , and no this one isn’t a mistake, it is perfect. So perfect that it shows my imperfections.
Which introduced the horrible feeling back into my life. I’m 18 now going on 19. Â I fell in love 5 days after my birthday and been that way ever since. This relationship has showed me how broken […]
I don’t know what is wrong with me. I was doing well, I almost lost track of myself. For me, coming out of all that darkness was a miracle. I was on track, I felt like I had a direction, besides the anger and hurt and pain. I don’t know where else to write this, to speak it out loud, because this, my most recent and inevitable collapse, cannot be heard by anyone else. This is my only voice, the clack clack of my computer keys. I feel pathetic, spilling up the words here like bloody vomit, because I cannot be alone. I need to […]
What or who do you think is torturing us? And why? Is it a god that’s torturing us for some reason? Is it some evil powers like demons? Or is it just “nature”?
I see a picture of horses grazing in a field and, my god, it’s so beautiful, it’s so peaceful, none of them are bleeding, or in any pain, all of them are beautiful happy and content. That’s how life should be.
Instead we have chaos everywhere police syrens, blood, screams, filth, crying, humiliation, emptiness, suicide, hopeless, traumatized….
Everything is wrong. I want to know why.
Its been ages since i last wrote on here.
+++ Nothing has changed… Will i be like this forever?
I am still suffering from depression, stopped counselling because it wasn’t helping; but i realized recently i just wasn’t patient enough and i still continue to self harm as a coping method to help me through the mood swings and hatred.
On the plus side… i passed my gcses and started college- which is why my dad says i have no need to cut or be sad. Clearly he doesn’t understand what depression is…
*sigh*
What gets everyone through each horrible night and past the demons?
There’s something cold and blank behind her smile
She’s standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
“You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away”
A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won’t save her from herself
Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
Lost all her dolls
To that little girl, smiling from ear to ear, with no worries on her mind and no demons in her head? Where’s the girl whose smile would light up a room, who laughed like there was no tomorrow, who would spend hours jumping in the rain, where’s the girl who enjoyed life?
What happened to me, what’s wrong with me? Now I am waiting to die, every second of every day just waiting. I’ve been waiting for 4 years now, when will it finally come to an end?
“When you grow up, your heart dies.”-The Breakfast Club.
I am a failure in all ways that matter to me i cant stay away from drugs and they no longer even numb my pain the one i love with all my heart is to afraid what it would mean to love me to be gay even tho he has said if he was he would marry me and has considered it…..he claims he cares and that i am a good man but he was raised to hate gays even tho he does not hate me??? yet his ex he hates and is always fighting with but uses for a booty call will spend a […]
This is my story from the start http://suicideproject.org/2013/07/my-story-161/ please reaad that first before continuing down so you will understand the bits that i’ve missed out.
So you have read the beginnings and the main depth of what happened in my child/teen life. Heres some that i have missed out like my eating disorder , suicide attempt and the visions and self harm.
Im going to start off with the visions i get when i have anxiety attacks or panic attacks i haven’t told anyone what i hear, see or feeling during these episodes. Not even my psychiatrist. Well i get flash backs of the that night i got […]
I saw my mum for the first time in a few weeks today. She turned to me and said all she has in the world is me, my brother and her husband, but that I was her rock. She’s been going through her own trouble, battling her own demons for a long time. Little did she know her rock was crying down the phone to the Samaritans last night, that I was crying down the phone just to feel something. How can I ever tell her that I want to die? How can I tell her that every day I smash up my sanity just […]
Just minutes before the world went black, a massive solar flare erupted.
Scientists only had seconds to realize what it was. But it was to late to even warn anyone.
There was a universal black out.
The whole world went dark.
Before the black out people were oblivious to the world around them. They let technology rule there lives, and in seconds,
It disappeared.
Chaos ensued like never before, people were terrified. No one knew how to live without technology, fearing they worst.
They rioted.
Governments fell, stores were robbed blind, people murdered for no reason at all.
Gangs rose out of the ashes,
mafias seized power.
And when things seemed like they couldn’t get worse.
It […]
She doesn’t know how to cope.
She doesn’t see any light.
So she picks up a blade
and cries the whole night.
He drowns his demons
With whiskey and pills
He’s fully aware,
of how much it kills.
She dreams of flight.
But not like the birds.
She just slices through air.
Without any words.
He’ll catch his train,
To the land of dreams
While the life he left behind,
Tears at it’s seams.
I’ll go soon enough but for now
I’ll just wait.
For my demons to guide me to my
dark,
dark,
fate.
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