I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head. I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I […]
Tag:
Depression
I am 36, soon to be 37. I am lonely, and there is nobody on this planet that I am compatible with. I meet all sorts of people, and while I am attracted to many, I realize that they are not attracted to me. The only thing that runs through my head is how I stack up with their past lovers, and I don’t stack up well. I literally have nothing to offer. It is time that evolution follow its natural course and kill off the weaker genes, mainly mine. The most value I can provide this world is to donate my organs. I am […]
Hey. For starters, I’m 18. As soon as I turned 18 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s the youngest you can be with this diagnosis. I grew up in a stable house hold, with stable parents, and 2 stable older brothers. Where the hell I came from is beyond me. From an early age I showed signs of isolation and poor self esteem. In the 6th grade I wrote a letter regarding how depressed I was to my teacher. No action was taken.
Even as I type this, I feel no attachment to my past. I feel no connection to the daily self harm […]
Why has it gotten to this point? I have waited so long but the last one is broken.
The last one has spoken words to me that verify my twisted thoughts.
My presence causes pain and suffering. It has caused this one even more than it has myself.
Why has it gotten to this point?
Is it my fault? I believe it is, but the voice within says it could be my doing and that of my existence as well.
I wish I could bring good news, I truly do, but I hold only sorrow.
Perhaps one day there will be good news.
I have not hoped for this to occur but […]
Empty is how I feel. Not empty in the sense of nothingness. I wish it was nothingness. It’s that empty that hurts. Like a flesh eating worm, it hurts.
It’s hard to put in words this feeling of mine.
I struggle to comprehend many feeling this way.
This terrible feeling goes beyond my gut. It crawls through my every being, like maggots on an open wound.
For over 12 years I have known this feeling. Sometimes this feeling reseeds into the background. Loo it is always there. Feeding, growing, waiting.
It waits for me to see hope, the swiftly drags me down again.
It knows […]
Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !
by niki
written by niki
Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.
Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.
I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:
1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in […]
hi this is gonna be a long story so better grabe some snacks while you can buddy.
so let’s get started i’m a 16 years old guy born in Morroco my childhood was kind of nice my father was strict but loving and my mom too in primary school i had always good grades even had people i called friends well in fact they were just using yep even my best friend al of them so in a burst on anger in tried to fight and just had my ass kicked all of primary chool by “friends” pretty lonely childhood am i right, the relationship […]
This is my first time writing here and also writing about this so openly. I don’t know where do I start, but I do know when will all of this ends, very soon actually. I’m on the edge now which isn’t so very surprising considering there are about millions who are like me too, some, worse than me. It saddens me that I’m just one of those millions who suffer like this, that I’m only a part of some statistics scientists conduct every year. That I’ll never be someone, I’ll just be a part of something bigger. And soon, no one will remember that I […]
”Only optimists commit suicide, optimists who no longer succeed at being optimists. The others, having no reason to live, why would they have any to die?”
Emil Cioran
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmvRMVMrzA4
I attempted suicide on January 1st, 2018 by overdose. I had swallowed about 15 benadryl and eaten 7 or so tums, and continued to consume them. My throat felt dry and I was crying harshly. I was messaging a few people, but one person continued to message me. They were urging me to drink water, wake someone up, and get someone. I felt sleepy, and my legs were heavy. When I tried to stand up, I felt really dizzy. I woke my grandparents, and was rushed to the emergency room. It wasn’t very severe, but I was in and out of consciousness. In the hospital, […]
Persephone’s nightmare
Lyrics (English translation):
Where once pennyroyal and wild mint grew
and the first cyclamen sprang up,
now peasants bargain on cement prise
and birds fall dead in melting furnace
Sleep Persephone
in earth’s embrace,
to this world’s balcony
never come up again
where once the mystics joined their hands
reverently before entering the sanctuary,
now passing tourists throw their cigarette butts
and go to see the new oil refinery
Sleep Persephone
in earth’s embrace,
to this world’s balcony
never come up again
where once the sea was blessed
and flocks and herds bleated joyfully in […]
At this point, I don’t even want help, I just want to die.
It’s not like there’s any help anyways.
i hate my life.
i’m in my last year of high school and all the pressure is on me.
i have to get into a good university to get a degree to get a job and make lots of money for my family.
my mum is mad because my younger brother is pretty “dumb”. Teachers say he’s work doing work or paying attention in class. So my mum is worried that he’s gonna fail school.
she was ranting as usual, but today was worse. She asked me “haven’t got homework?” I said “it’s the weekend” she just ignored me and continued saying “instead of watching that stupid show”.
i guess […]
Crying.Again.Having headaches.Again.Body pains.Again.And my thoughts are not happy.They’re not even normal.I’m thinking about my wasted life,I’m thinking about the sufferings of the world,I’m thinking of clipped wings,I’m thinking of a friend of mine who died in a car accident,I’m thinking of a girl that I loved and I didn’t have the courage to tell her that I loved her,I’m thinking of how I failed in everything I did.I took painkillers to ease the pain.It’s not working.I feel like somebody is putting a nail into my brain.I remembered something that I saw when I was 10-11 years old: there was a little girl with her father […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JEYnjKxf4A
It’s 5am where I am and I’m embarking on another night of staying up late, alone.
I really need to fix my sleeping schedule but no matter how early I try to go to bed, my thoughts keep me awake.
When I do actually succeed in being in bed asleep by 2am, I still sleep until past 3pm anyway because I just can’t get out of bed. I wake up a few times but then feel a crushing weight of “I can’t do this” and I go back to bed. I swear I only wake up to pee or else I’d never get up.
Does anyone have any […]
Lyrics (English translation):
Chatterton committed suicide
Hannibal committed suicide
Demosthenes committed suicide
Nietzsche
Raving mad
As for me…
As for me
It’s not going much better
Chatterton committed suicide
Cleopatra committed suicide
Isocrates committed suicide
Goya
Raving mad
As for me…
As for me
It’s not going much better
Chatterton committed suicide
Marc Antony committed suicide
Van Gogh committed suicide
Schumann
Raving mad
As for me…
As for me
It’s not going much better
Woke up some time after 4pm again for the millionth time in a row when I could have been productive today. I know over sleeping makes your body feel worse but I just can’t will myself out of bed until I absolutely have to. Because of this, I eat one meal a day at most (the term meal used loosely).
Thinking about a commenters words of finding a calm place. I’m not really sure I have one. Sometimes sleep can be freeing, but tbh I am often plagued by reoccurring nightmares of traumatic experiences and will cry in my sleep. I never really feel well rested […]
I went tonight to the memorial of SS Oria.(I’ll attach photos at the end of this post,just to get an idea how the location is like)The SS Oria was (I’m copy-pasting from wikipedia) ” a Norwegian steamboat that sank on 12 February 1944, causing the death of some 4,000 Italian prisoners of war. This was one of the worst maritime disasters ever, and probably the worst loss of life caused by the sinking of a single ship in the Mediterranean Sea.”
I’ve been to this location 4-5 times.I don’t know why I go there.Maybe the loss of so many lives for no reason, draws me there.Maybe because […]