I’ve never used a website like this before, i have been struggling with my emotions for as long as i remember. Tonight was the first time i have cut in four years. I currently do not want to leave my bed. But i probably will leave it and lay on thr floor. All of this i have done as a punishment to myself for hurting someone that I love. I deserve this emotional turmoil I feel. I deserve the tears in my skin and the empty feeling in my chest… I will not eat tomorrow. I don’t deserve to be comfortable. Why am I punishing […]
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deserve
Wow. Seems like I’ll be spending New Years Eve on my own after a huge fight with my mom. A moment ago I wished that I would just fall asleep in a minute and never wake up anymore, and I still sort of do. I don’t want 2016. Everyone is telling me to be happy because 2016 is starting. It is just a year like normal. And I don’t believe that it will get better. Shit is still going on. In the last few weeks more shit has been going on than in the rest of 2015 and that shit is not going to stop. […]
I have no idea where to start this. I suppose I will begin with saying that it is 5:42 AM and I have accepted that I have grown so bored of life that I am beginning to think that maybe I just wasn’t meant to be alive. I have been bored for so fucking long I can’t even remember a time when I was genuinely interested in anything. I desperately need change in my life, I cant keep reliving the same god-damn day over and over it’s driving me insane. I am trying so hard to find something that will make me interested in living […]
Wow. Okay thats a thing.
Ive been passive aggressively making life harder for myself.
Exploiting all my health issues, especially the issues i know plague the bloodline. Picked up cancer sticks with the goal to burn through a pack a week…hell even depleted all my finacial resources knowing id be fucked when debt collectora come knockin.
Anything, to get sick to get hurt…to be ruined and yet.
A car that shouldve totaled me narrowly misses..my doc clears me of any bad news and now somehow i have money in the bank. Not just a few dollars but enough to get by the next few months.
I just […]
Merry Christmas to all… I hope you all had a good day .
I didn’t feel like it was Christmas today .
It’s my least favorite holiday.
I feel like today is a day where people find a excuse to get back in touch with you , people get you gifts because they feel like they have to, and family’s have to get together because they feel bad that they haven’t for a whole year .
I kind of had a good day though. I saw my step family . Their really nice . My actual family is pretty much all dead , except for my great […]
I cannot believe how much my life has changed in 6 months. I loved life, had amazing friends, family, educational and social life. I have always had quite a hard family life where I have had to help care for members of the family doing this daily made me think I was a good person.
My life is so different now. A video of me has went viral. I was drunk and have absolutely no idea wat the content is but EVERYWHERE I go I get laughed at, made fun of and have comments shouted at me. I have left my job because the abuse I […]
So I thought I could hold my stuff together long enough to visit family without some sort of break down. I was wrong. About an hour into it, my step grandmother tried to take my picture. I just wasn’t in the mood or spirit as I’ve been really depressed lately. After begging her not to, she did anyways. And I’m very self conscious and I know I’m not good looking. I struggle with this a lot. How I perceive myself and how others see and view me. Needless to say all these feelings of emptiness and sadness rushed to the surface in the form of […]
For all of those who don’t have someone to say goodnight/good morning to them,
For all of those who hate themselves but wear the biggest smile out every single day,
For all of those struggling with addiction,
For all of those who don’t have someone to tuck them in at night and and hug them,
For all of those who think that they deserve nothing because they haven’t found their talents yet,
For all of those who think that they need to end their lives,
this is for you.
goodnight/good morning, you deserve it. I’m here for you.
don’t hate yourself, I like you. It’s ok to not smile once in a while. […]
she is someone i like. i don t even really know know her but i already know she s someone i would love..oh..and i d so love her..she is..i don t even know how to describe her…she is the no.1 reason i smile lately. and she doesn t even have a clue on what effect she has on me or how i am using her. she just guesses… maybe it s better this way. i want her in countless ways..and maybe i d dare to want her only for myself. it s so natural to like her. i sometimes want to let her know the […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Someone help me. Even if it is just to talk. I’m suffering.
I can’t contain my demons anymore.
You did this.
You made me do this.
It was always there.
Lurking in the shadows.
I kept my demons at bay.
I always managed to hide them behind my wonderful smile. My… Laughter…
You did this.
You broke me.
You pushed me to the very edge.
I’m there.
So take it. It’s exactly what you deserve.
Don’t apologize.
I don’t want to hear you say, “Ek is jammer.”
For what I am going to do to you
For the pain I will inflict on you
Just know, “Ek is nie jammer.”
I […]
Your life fucking sucks. You don’t really mean anything because compared to how many other people there are in the world you’re nothing, and compared to how much time there has been and there will be you’re nothing. And yet you go through so much stress and pain and crying. So your life pretty much sucks ass. And you’re a fucking jerk because other people have it way worse than you. Some people don’t have parents. Some people don’t have a home. Some people don’t have anything to fucking eat. And you’re always whining “I’m depressed, I’m not loved enough.” You are pathetic. You deserve […]
Warning: for those reading this, I apologize for the lengthy post. I just can’t help but feel trapped in my body. It seems I can never escape the thoughts in my mind besides when I’m sleeping. I just want to sleep forever.
Why is it always me??? Why can’t I find the happiness I so truly want and deserve? Why do I feel unwanted? Used? Betrayed? Unloved? Is something wrong with me? Maybe I’m destined to be alone forever..and if that’s the case, why am I still here? The man I love doesn’t seem to love me back… yet I’ll find any excuse to try and […]
I wake up everyday still with thoughts, regrets and choices ive made n just have to keep breathing n moving. I have no motivation to do anything, i feel i deserve to feel this way. Like i shouldnt have dared to try and live a good life. Im numb to everything, stuck sulking in my mind. But day by day i keep waking up, empty, half alive. Praying for it to be over. I want this. I cant believe i want this
Cause I’m struggling with that right now. I read your stories on SP, and I think of how much I wish I could take your pain and suffering from you. How you all seem like such nice souls, and how you don’t deserve to suffer like you do.
But someone like me… I can’t help if I don’t deserve to kill myself and suffer whatever might come after. I have so much, and although I live alone and only see my family once or twice I year, they help my financially and I don’t have to worry about that too much.
Despite that however… I wish I […]
I feel i dont deserve friends i dont have many but very few kno my wrongs and still speak to me the one i hurt most is done with me we dont even speak i think of __ alot i miss the good times i suck
I’m thinking about doing it tonight. I’ll probably be a coward like the last few times, so don’t worry too much. However, in case of being successful I want to wish you the best. You’re all great human beings who deserve to be happy.
I have a few hours to think about it. But I’m scared. I’m afraid of succeeding. But I’m also afraid of not being successful.
I’ve often wonder why people are so afraid of talking about death. About shadows and darkness, and for that matter, suicide. Sometimes I just feel like a ghost passing through this world, watching the people around me go in circles, playing imaginary games. I don’t get it… we’re born, we go to school, get a job, then die. All the meantime, people are always running from their darkness. Because it’s too painful to face… They would rather choose distraction than work with their demons and befriend them. And then of course…when we finally choose to face it, everyone says there’s something wrong with you.
It’s natural […]
I can’t take it anymore. I’m all alone all the time. I have no friends. Even my parents are against me. I can’t talk to anyone, but I yearn so much for a bit of understanding. My parents have abused me since I was little. They made fun of my looks, my behaviour, my friends (I had few when I was younger) and the things I liked even though I tried to be the perfect daughter. I stopped liking the things they didn’t like, I kept my room clean most of the time, I learned to get only A’s in school, I was polite to […]
I just can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of being the running joke, the punch-line. I’m tired of the battles, of the constant warfare. It shouldn’t be this difficult… it shouldn’t be a competition. Yet there are people in my life that are evil (for lack of a better word). I’m tired of my happiness being destroyed because others feel I don’t deserve it. I’m tired of being tired.
After the holidays I am swan diving. I only hope that seven stories will be enough. I plan to write DNR on my chest just in case.