The desire of death is always haunting me like a bad memories.
The joy of a end is a longing of my soul.
The sound of silence is pleasant music to my mind that I do not own.
The peace of nothing is a craving to strong.
If u have the answer I beg you to foretold.
As I have tried many a road and a different end I do not hold.
Just the desire of my eyes to close.
Tag:
Desire
I am not my body’s reaction to the outside world.
Because I feel it does not make it real.
Pain is an indicator of injury much like an alarm sounds to alert of fire; pain is not personal.
I am stronger than the machine I operate; when it breaks down, I do not break down with it.
When it rumbles, slows, trundles, sputters, I conduct maintenance and nothing more.
My body is the machine, I am the operator. Its pain is not mine. Its biological desires are its own. Its limitations do not bind me.
I am something else.
I’ve decided to let it all go, let everything that’s bothering me, go. I feel like I should be someone because of the people I know and the expectations that I perceive they have of me, but it’s all in my head. Ok, I’m sure it’s not all in my head or else I wouldn’t be writing this.
I love women, but I have nothing to offer. All I want is death and that supercedes just about everything I see and hear. Any desires, yearnings I might have, are outranked by my desire to not be.
I haven’t seen friends in months, recently started chatting […]
the human species is a species I do not belong to, yet I am part of it
I feel like an alien soul that was dropped off on earth to observe humans,
and that my people have forgotten to come pick me up .. neglectful bastards
on one hand, I’m tired of routine: my days are too similar to not get bored
on the other hand, I find lots of comfort in knowing what to expect .. I’m bored to death but at least I feel safe
(safe from what ?)
I must be missing out on a lot of experiences by being very withdrawn
but since there’s a lot of deceit […]
am I supposed to keep going:
– when it feels like my drive to desire is broken (desire being the root of action) ?
– when my ego’s been getting weaker for the past 5+ years ?
– when my mind cannot generate meaningful goals etc like it used to ?
I wanted to become a psychologist when I started going to college (sept. 06) .. it was my only and meaningful goal, my door into the future
I got to experience mental abuse & other bad things in an environment I started to hate .. unfortunately, I had no other realistic option than […]
the past two days have been hell. the person i care the most about lied and back stabbed me. i’m afraid of myself. im afraid that im going to fall back into my old habits. the only thing i’ve eaten for two days is about 5 nacho chips. (no cheese) and i have mostly lost my entire desire to even eat. im never hungry anymore and im eating less and less. i’m afraid because this is how my pattern starts i know it is. i guess im not exactly sure what im doing on this blog or even just writing this but i dont know […]
I just wanted to add a small post, but for me it seems almost a definition of a state of mind I find myself in.
Life has passed me by. It feels so literal right now, sat at home, alone and having not spoken to a single human being for about 9 days. I have no hopes, no desires, no wishes, no plans for now, no plans for the future, nothing. I do not dream, no goals and no desire to change. It feels as though I am stuck in a void. Life has left me, why should I stay?
I have had my suicide attempts and […]
they say knowledge is power
I say it’s a curse
To not know the truth is my desire
For ignorance is heaven on earth
To not know how cruel this world can be
To not know what is going to happen to me
Because my destiny is known by none but fate
They know the event but not the date
On which I’ll die, without a tear in my eye
Because I will have prayed for it all to end
To not know how far gone humanity has become
To not know how much love has stung my heart
And torn apart
My life from my soul
Nothing is getting better, I have lost almost everything I love. 27 years old and I no longer have any desire to go forward, to keep fighting. My mental illness has taken complete control over me. I need help but I can’t seem to find it. countless waiting lists fot doctors that just prescribe without listening. No one ever wants to listen. Things I used to love now seem pointless.  I may have to go soon.
I’m writing this on my phone because I am in school and it is lunchtime and I feelunbelievably depressed and there is nobody here I can talk to in this way… Anyway, I feel possessed with the desire to jump from a top floor window, to cut myself all the way up my arm and to just curl up in a ball for hours and scream. I want to scream and shout and just cry for a long time, but I can’t. I can’t do these things because I am at school and nobody here knows how deeply depressed I feel a lot if the […]
I have had severe depression for way to long. I used to be so happy and creative and wished I could live forever a long time ago I cant even imagine wanting to live forever now. I have lost all interest in everything in life, peoples advice is usually “Do what you enjoy doing” The problem is I have no hobbies,interests, and cant think of even one thing I enjoy doing. I feel so burned out like nothing is ever new and even if I have never done somthing it feels like Ive done it 10,000 times before. I have never had a girlfriend and […]
I’m an Iraq vet, split with my wife over a year ago. I’ve failed at every job I’ve gotten since my discharge, ruined every friendship in my life, and have no prospects for the future. No artistic or creative talents, failing familial ties, and I am just tired all the time. I’m slowly researching different methods for ending my life. I know it would be great to stick arou d long enough to see my baby nephew grow up, but that would entail continuing to live, and I am an utter failure at all of the things that modern living entails. I have no desire […]
The desire of death is always haunting me like a bad memorie . The joy of a end is a longing of my soul. The sound of silence is pleasant music to my mind that I do not own.
The peace of nothing is a craving to strong. If you have the answer I beg you to foretold. As I have tried many a road and a different end I do not hold. Just the desire of my eyes to close.
The desire of death is always haunting me like a bad memorie . The joy of a end is a longing of my soul. The sound of silence is pleasant music to my mind that I do not own.
The peace of nothing is a craving to strong. If you have the answer I beg you to foretold. As I have tried many a road and a different end I do not hold. Just the desire of my eyes to close.
Ok so this is it. I’m 18 now. I’ve been suicial for 6 years now. I want to hang myself. I feel obligated to wait though, but there’s nothing to wait on. I tried to hang myself twice last night, but I have no foolproof plan because of my weight. I had to use my door knob and sit down. I looked like an idiot who’d played the choking game alone. The only reason I got out of it was because I didn’t feel right not saying goodbye to anyone, but I just couldn’t find words to express my pain or my desire for death. […]
I feel a deep love for Jasmine, a longing to show her I love her. I have gone past the sexual thoughts and I just want to hold her and kiss her. I was reading a sex story based on the Naruto show and how he pleased the women he seduced by treating them well. He showed them he would treat them right. I got teary eyed and my heart felt weird as I thought of Jasmine and as I think of it I get cold chills.Â
I love Jasmine so much. Is this not a feeling of love? Is this really purely a desire and […]
Sometimes I wonder if wanting to die is just trying to connect body to mind, because I feel dead inside, and I have for a long time.
Nothing’s changed in my life. I’m still a 26-year old student assistant. I should be happy to even have a job, but I have to pay $250 quarterly just to keep it. And I’m only taking classes to have the job, so it’s not like that’s adding up to anything useful. I have no worth, here.
I have no friends. No, really, I don’t. Not one. I have people that call me every four months to tell me that something […]
Not at all sure if this makes sense to anyone but me:
I feel completely trapped in this world at times, and I don’t mean that purely metaphorically.
What I mean is that I feel stifled by earth itself, and the way it’s unescapable.
I want to jump of the earth and into the universe, if that makes any sense.
Our world just feels too small and restricted.
No matter how far in the world I travel, it will never be far enough.
Because I’ll still be on earth.
I want to be in the galaxy, amongst the stars.
By that I mean literally.
I don’t mean that I want to die in order […]
I have a friend at my school. I’ve knew her since sometime in elementary schools, but we’ve only become rather good friends only this year. i feel comfortale telling her thoughts about my life since she also has a lot going on with her family and has counseled many people before me. once in math class many months ago, as i was thinking about life and such, i told her i thought that i was suicidal, though not as seriously suicidal as i am now. since she did not respond, i assumed she didn’t hear me. then, after school, she asked me if i really felt […]
I live in a world where i am always unhappy. my grades are slipping and my parents yell all the time now or ignore me. My brother is their favorite they would give him the world if they could. But to them im just that other kid who was raised by baby sitters until the age of 10. I get bullied at school. I try to hide my depresion so i fit in. Iguess i’m pretty good at hiding it too. For a while nobody knew the dark cloud that surrounded my mind. i first thought about suicide when i was about 8 years old. […]