How can my mind get any better when there is so much negative experience constantly happening. I remember before my first bouts of depressions and I wasn’t normal then. Me at my best wasn’t enough for me to have a good healthy life, why would me after all this struggle be any good? I want good enough then, now I’m beyond bad
My goals are simple now, I just have to have the courage or order a couple of things. Just wish it was cheaper
Just do it and don’t look back
A couple days ago, someone posted some very nice information that suggested where I might be able to buy canned CO2 in significant amounts (for a possible exit hood that I’ve been thinking of). This post was taken down–most likely because it infringed on the rules of this website–and now it seems unlikely that I’ll be able to find the author of that post so I can contact them for additional information.
This makes me incredibly frustrated. There are thousands of other methods of suicide that I could utilize to end my life. Am I not allowed to have information on the least destructive of those methods? And one that […]
My apathy is starting to overpower me again. The meds don’t seem to be working anymore and counseling only turns the apathy to anger. An endless abyss or a destructive wrath: what is the lesser of two evils? Sure, I want to destroy humanity but I’m not an anarchist. I’m just a realist.
Even if humanity doesn’t wipe itself out with war, environmental destruction and overpopulation, cosmic forces will do it for them. Assuming humanity could transcend age one day and become cyborgs/androids, would there still be depressed people? Wishful thinking, that is.
I’m tired but I can’t die despite my wishes… I’m not meant to be […]
I’m so self destructive
things start going good, then I do as much as possible to ruin any progress I make and get myself in a worse situation
The end is coming soon, at least I have death to look forward to.
For some reason, one of the things I really want in my life is to be abused. I want to be mentally and physically abused by someone because I feel like I deserve it. I feel like I don’t deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone. I need to be in a relationship that is destructive and I don’t know why.
Hello all.
Don’t know how to start really. I’m 24 y.o. and i’m dealing with suicide thoughts over a 10 years now. I’m kinda ”controlling” it with drugs and weed, but once i stop using everything i become suicidal and auto destructive. I don’t know how to maintain my good mood when i’m clear, i can’t live like that anymore. I didn’t use anything for 3 days now. I just drink water, i don’t eat or sleep. I work 10 hours a day just to keep my brain occupied.
And it doesn’t matter if i’m alone, with my friend or when i was with my […]
Since I was 12 or 13 (over half my life ago), my mind has been consumed to an ever increasing extent by longing. By lust. Though I like to tell myself it’s love – that it’s somehow special.
Behind all my other thoughts is the constant desire to be with whoever I’m most attracted to at the time. Not to be in a real relationship, but to be with the idealised version of them that I’ve created in my head.
This is obviously pretty destructive, since it identifies meaning and happiness with a virtually impossible ideal. But I don’t feel like I can let it go. Something […]
I am watching the Saw Series and the main character “John Crammer” intrigues me. It is interesting how he revitalizes people who would have otherwise been irredeemable if he hadn’t captured and given them a series of tests that push human tenacity to the limit.
Apathetic individuals who’ve lost all hope are given a lease on life when John Crammer paints a gory spectre of death right in front of them. It’s surprising how their lives change when they pass these tests. They cease to be self destructive and live normal lives.
But these are just movies anyway. Real life is a lot more complex.
…or at least that’s how I think I feel
I’m so worn down and tired all the time now. I’m not usually one to commit to displaying how bad I feel but recently I just had at It on social media (Instagram, snapchat, etc) Eventually people took notice and started worrying.
My boss called me in for a chat recently to see if I was alright. She looked at me funny when I couldn’t give her a reason as to why I feel so horribly bad. People who don’t actually suffer depression don’t seem to understand that it’s not necessarily a combination of negative things that make […]
So, I was thinking about telling my mum that I want to start going to therapy. But I have no clue whether seeing a therapist would help me at all.
I feel I have quite a few issues, and I’d like to talk to someone who knows what they’re doing, and maybe get a possible diagnosis for something, so I know I’m not crazy.
I’d like to be able to discuss the fact that I’m not happy with the way I look and feel, and how this has an effect on everyday things. Most days, I don’t want to go outside because people will see […]
I wants to be somewhat like a psychopath. Like having superficial charm, no empathy or feelings towards others in general, lack of remorse and guilt, highly manipulative , Lack of ralistic, long term goals, denial of responsibility, carelessness, high confidence, no fear and anxiety, grandiose sense of worth.
Psychopaths are destructive and antisocial but they are happy. Maybe I could be happy or less depressed if I had some psychopath traits.
I have only psuedo-interests that center around what other people think I am good at. Everything I think and feel is based on my environment and the people in it. I genuinely don’t think I enjoy anything on an interpersonal level, and the things that do give me joy are evil. My thought patterns are full of hatred, and my perceptions of the people and things around me are filtered through a distorted lense. I feel little social joy. Because of this, I find myself faking everything during communal events. I have to force myself into every social situation, and furthermore, I have to force […]
Really good movie, very intense. You can watch the whole movie online. Seriously, please don’t watch it if your easily triggered by self destructive tendencies like self harming or are currently feeling suicidal. Also, I really hope you see the movies true message and that it might help you realize that suicide is not the answer.
My life is a downtrodden groundhogs day.
I wake up every morning with a varying degree of hope and slowly pull myself out of bed. I turn on my computer, if it isn’t already on to charge my phone overnight, and my monitor then venture into the kitchen for a fresh cup of water. I like water. Fortunate I suppose, I know most people don’t. I could gladly skip juices and soft drinks for a steady supply of water. A fresh sip splashes my mind and cools my senses. Today isn’t so bad, I think to myself. If I’m hungry I’ll peer into the fridge and […]
DISCLAIMER: What you’ll about to read is not a story its more of a rant, no, its a glimpse of what is on my mind and how my mind works and thinks. I wrote this disclaimer after i’ve written the things below.. I’m not sure if someone will understand it, or even understand what im trying to accomplish, but i do hope someone is, in someway, is the same as me..
My mind is my greatest enemy. My mind brings me pain. My mind is a super highway of thoughts i cant keep track of. My mind fears the unknown, its such a curse to always […]
What do I want to do with my brief time on this wonderful planet? I mean life goes so fast. Why throw it away?
Except that all I really want right now is to not feel this anymore. Loneliness. Fear. Isolation. Loss. Self-hatred. Longing. Emptiness. Anger.
There are so many interesting things I could be doing with my time. But nothing means anything anymore. Nothing feels worthwhile. Whatever I’m doing, my underlying feelings remain focused on the life I can’t live.
How can you function, and not descend into destructive behavior, when regardless of what you do, there’s this hole inside sucking in all your attention?
Drinking doesn’t help. […]
RIP Robin Williams. When I heard of his death, and the method, it disturbed me because I said, “even great people can be beaten by the demons”. Fuck suicide, fuck depression. It’s a fucking epidemic. Pardon my French, I’m having bad anxiety and self harm urges again today. And lately I’ve also wanted to “pretend” hang myself again. I used to tie a rope around my neck and yank until I felt like I was gonna pass out. I figure I better not do it but damn the urges to do whatever I can to be self destructive is so great.
Help me God.
I want to be more than what people think I’m going to become. I want exceed expectations. But who am I perspiring to be? Something more than what I am. Something meaningful, and careful yet carless enough to bring more than a strict happiness to those who may surround me. I want and hope for so many things that I’ve lost track of what that track is. And to be honest? I can’t because I am incapable of separating the two at this very moment. The truth and lies that is. Self pitty and feeling sorry for yourself is a terrible habit one can subject […]
I’m heading down a destructive path I don’t care anymore Im jut kinda done with it. I’m ignoring how I feel it builds up and I freak out have breakdowns and panic attacks. I’m not functioning right. Im to busy helping others trying to make ten happy and worrying about them that I don’t even help myself or even try to. I don’t know what to do I don’t think I want to get help anymore I’m just kinda here.
I have a question to you guys. this analogy occurred to me two days ago and i’ve been contemplating about it ever since. the analogy is this:
what if a cell of our body become aware of its position and role and that how its work is used in maintenance of body. do you think the cell will go self-destructive after knowing this fact (because it will know that it is being controlled)? or will it keep doing its work for body?
i with all heart believe that it will go self-destructive. i have never been able to relate with anybody. i don’t know how i think […]
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