Tag:
disappoint
Honestly, I did not think I would be on this site this often. It seems like there’s this sense of family here where everyone just wants to support everyone even though, none of us really want to live in the first place.
It’s a very satisfying irony.
Today I woke up at around 3:30 PM. I would have stayed longer in bed if it wasn’t for my mom’s consistent yelling in my head. She thinks I wake up so late because I go to bed so late and, while I do, I should not be sleeping for 12+ hours every night.
Yeah, it’s pretty easy for me to hide my depression since […]
Today was bad. The Angels were bad. The visual hallucinations were bad. Everything was bad. I almost died.
I was barely able to get out of bed because of the Angels; but I forced myself because of my dogs. I was almost unable to stay downstairs this morning; but I had to make myself because I got lumbered with my brother while my mum and stepdad stayed in bed. The visual hallucinations got almost unbearable around this time – 9:50, I believe it was. Everything would move around, faces were everywhere, figures were everywhere. Despite how awful they got, I got my brother to distract […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Why did I even fucking keep trying to find a place to live because now I do have some place to go and I’m just going to disappoint more people when I kill myself in the near future! Now it’s back to being him more than my being homeless. I can’t even talk to him without him finding some way to push me away and dig the knife in deeper like he wants to fucking hurt me all the time!! He can’t just leave it alone and be my friend. he has to constantly push me away and dismiss my feelings as not real and […]
You might have thought that this post would be a motivational speech with a dash of positive psychology because of the title but sorry to disappoint, this is actually a rant.
So – I saw a screenshot of a Tumblr post on facebook where an anonymous user asked ‘What happens after I committed suicide’ or sth close to that. Then the person that was asked said things like: ‘You wanna know what will happen […] your mother will be heartbroken […] your father will be devastated to the point of speechlessness […] your younger sister will lost the person she looked up to—‘ You get the […]
I am so failing my college. As I said from my other previous post, I’m back to my weak self. I don’t want to wake up in the morning to go to university again. I don’t want to wake up feeling little. I just want to lay down on my bed. Listen to music maybe. BUT what would become of me?
If I tell this to others, they’ll tell me I’m too negative or I’m wasting opportunities. But to tell the truth, I’m okay with menial jobs. I just don’t want to stand on the stage I was once good at or maybe I was never […]
Less than a year ago, I had, of what I can say, the lowest point of my life. Every single night, tears were streaming down my face; it engraved canyons in my cheeks. Every single night, I look at the stars and wish everything would just come to an end. Every single night, I ask myself, “Is it wrong to enjoy what life can offer me? ”.
There were so many things I’ve been going through that I’ve kept to myself for so long because I couldn’t let it all out. I didn’t speak up and didn’t make a big deal out of it so […]
Well I’m finally to the point where I’m ready to go. I’ve been a waste of air these past few months anyways. I thought soo much better of you, but as always, you never fail to disappoint. “Did he say anything about not being able to see his son for his Birthday?”. Yeah, I heard all about it like always. Your hurting him the most out of all of us.
But I forgive you, mainly because I have to. I guess a lot has to do with the fact that despite what you’ve done to me, I still love you. Must be unconditional love, who knows. […]
The end is approaching, I can feel it. Everything is going against me, creating the only path which is right for me, suicide. By the end of this year hopefully it’ll be over and done with. Noone else is going to get the chance to disappoint me, no plans will be cancelled, no promises broken, no fake smiles aimed in my direction, my heart will ache and break no more. Just brief freedom whilst in the air and then boom. Finally dead and gone.
I hate myself. I hate my mind. I hate how it warps my sources of happiness into sources of anguish. All of the people and passions that made life worth living now make life unbearable. I can’t trust anyone, not because I’ve been hurt, but because I am paranoid and afraid. I don’t want to disappoint them or make them hate me. Because my mind is so twisted, I will take their most minute actions and scrutinize them…fabricate reasons why they might hate and despise me. I tell myself my family only stays with me out of pity. I tell myself that former friends are […]
I think I’m done with people. I wish they’d at least give me a chance to die without having to suffer with this melancholic mind of mine, but people never fail to disappoint. A peaceful escape is just too much to ask for. I have no friends outside of the family, only feeling okay with my mother and brother. Each day, I feel like I am drifting further apart from them as well. I’m losing interest in talking to people as there is nothing to say. My connections are based on nothing more than materialism. People just can’t connect with me emotionally, philosophically, etc., or […]
I have been cutting for about three months now. I cut my wrists, legs and stomach. I have been very good at hiding them, at least I thinks so, but now I have a problem. I’m sick therefore not going to school and left alone at home for the day. My mom’s friend is a doctor and my mom asked her to come over and check upon me, find out why I’m sick and how to recover. I’m so scared that the doctor is going to make me undress, because I’ve been to doctors loads of times before I started self harming and many times […]