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Tag:
Dread
And here I am. Writing on a website my feelings of sadness.
I have no friends. No one to talk to. A crazy family that I live with but try to avoid because of my disagreements of their lifestyle. Im a very stubborn person. I feel that Im broken as a result of my own family. I feel mental anguish. I have RSI in my wrist from too much typing, writing, mouse clicking. I am on medication for something that was caused by my family. I despise medication. I havent had real friends for 7 years. Ive been depressed since I was 16. Even though […]
When the alarm clock sets off first thing in the morning and you know you’ve got to face another day. What are your thoughts and feelings then?
For me it is horror, dread and confusion (confusion because when I’m dreaming I see myself in a healthy body, doing things in a better world, and feel that that place is real, until I wake up to reality). I often will shake or even convulse at waking up.
I saw my mum for the first time in a few weeks today. She turned to me and said all she has in the world is me, my brother and her husband, but that I was her rock. She’s been going through her own trouble, battling her own demons for a long time. Little did she know her rock was crying down the phone to the Samaritans last night, that I was crying down the phone just to feel something. How can I ever tell her that I want to die? How can I tell her that every day I smash up my sanity just […]
I guess I just need to write something. I’ve tried killing myself already but it didn’t work and I haven’t tried again since because it’s nearly time for finals and I don’t want to distract the person who stopped me. She still has a brilliant future waiting for her and I shouldn’t get in the way of that.
This morning is just harder than most. I felt good since Thursday but all of that is gone again. I woke up and just started crying while cursing myself for being such a useless idiot. I guess I knew it was just a matter of time before I […]
I can feel it again. It’s a constant dread that looms over me no matter what I do. I feel like the walls are closing in around me, cutting me off and leaving me alone. It is a blankness that destroys all the colour in life. All that is good is meaningless in a world this bleak.
I always fear that it’ll come back, and now I can really feel it. I HATE this feeling. I despise it. It sets in and I lose touch with everything: in the past I’ve abandoned friends, lost partners, failed a degree. I can’t concentrate on anything, even recreational things […]
Do you ever feel like maybe your purpose in life is truly to kill yourself? I honestly feel that way all the time. I trust God with all my heart and I believe that I have a purpose, but I also have this underlying feeling that my destiny is suicide.
It’s kind of crazy, not that any of you know me, but if you did, I would be the last one you’d pick to write the above statement. A few people do know about my anxiety and eating disorders, but even they would never suspect suicide. There’s those people, dark and mysterious, that you know […]
Were all connected by some unseen bond, were all so sad and all want to be gone. We all have this feeling of everlasting dread, of waking up and getting out of bed. We all kongrgate at this one haven, a place where even the worst life can be saven.This is the Suicide Project, a site that saved my life. This site has shown me the light, and given me a will to fight.
Last year during the summer I gave myself a deadline. If I could get better and find hope I would live, otherwise I chose a date to die, that date was today, […]
When you take your meds and yet the hills are lower but the valleys deeper, you just want to die.
Nobody understands and money only postpones the inevitable.
People can’t understand, and sometimes nor can I.
But the way life is I just want to die.
I have no hall nor gun and thus can’t commit this ‘crime’ but I do have a death wish and that is mine.
When the meds do nothing but society asks, that you still take them to be all “well”
But you know that death cannot come quick enough
Though I fear and dread it
It solves all ills
For several weeks now, I have been thinking about how pointless life is. The more the analysis, the less the want to live. I tried consulting a therapist but I just couldn’t talk about anything. Sometimes I feel like there is so much I have to say but words just don’t come out. The few times I manage to vaguely express what I feel, I find there is no one to listen to me.
The more people I meet, the more withdrawn I become. With each passing day, I am becoming less and less inclined to live. Every morning I wake up and I dread the […]
What’s the best way to have someone find you? Opinions?
I’ve thought about mail, emails, giving heads ups are more questionable…
I wouldn’t want to start decomposing where I lay. But I wouldn’t want someone to stop me either.
Fed up with crying wolf, and even worse, I don’t even know if people would take me seriously if I said I was going to kill myself.
Because every time I’m at that brink, that dread is immediate, real. Pulses through my blood, my bones.
Yet, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to laugh at my own pathetic attempts.
I’ve completely ruined my life. Â But I don’t think I ever had one.
Things started spiriling out of control earlier this summer when I quit my job. I’ve been doing contract software development at home for years. It’s a life of sad isolation. I sit in my den and type away for days straight. The job was just going bad, I was losing interest and my boss new it. He pushed me and I snapped. It was sad, because when it started it seemed like there would be so much potential.
Anyway, something happened afterwards that made me realize I didn’t want to be a programmer anymore. […]
I feel dead. I feel worthless. I feel useless. I feel sad. I feel hopeless. I feel pathetic.
I lack any positive feelings. All day. Everyday.
Dread fills my mind, body & soul.
I want it to end.
I want to end it.
I don’t have it in me to go on with any of it.
I just want it all to end.
I want to die, but of course I can’t. First I’m scared of dying but I’m sick and tired of trying to live happy. My parents stalk the hell out of me whenever I try to talk to a boy and my dad and mom beat me. What am I supposed to do? My friends tell me I look weird when I don’t smile because I smile all the time. Why do I smile? Why am I completely at peace when I’m at school, but at home I dread it and want to die
I’m tired of living. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of doing […]
hia all here to speak about the illness that we all share. i dont believe you are sane or honest if you have not considered suicide. the main reason iv come on here is because in the last few days iv attempted to reach out to many of my acquaintances about life suffering and the torrent of
suicidal thoughts that seem to follow any serious self-contemplation im capable of. Notability i’ve come to the realize that the contemplation of limitations lead to suicidal thoughts even if its just for the duration of one class, being bound to a desk while an innocent teacher attempts to […]
my life as i know it is going to shit. i have no one to trust, no one to turn to. even when i want help i never get it. my meds dont do anything for me. i can help but cut every day. i binge and purge almost ever meal, that is when i decide to eat. i dont want to be here anymore. i dont want to suffer everyday. i dont want to wake up and dread being alive. my lungs ache with every breath i take. why. just why am i here?
Kill the lights because
The shows all over
And realize that
My time is up
The stage is set for
My own death
A suicide written by me
The pain of yesterday
Haunts me today
And I can’t live to see tomorrow
When all I know is hate
Disappear today andÂ
Leave the world to sway
In it’s cycle again
The list so long
Of things I’ve done wrong
Stapled to my note
Will show the world whyÂ
I deserve to die
All that’s left is to choose
Which method will remove
My spirit from my body for good
One last cut
One last smoke
One last glass […]
I love the life I have lived. But the life I’ve been living lately has gotten so boring that I see no point in life. I have no determination for absolutely ANYTHING. I don’t want to work, I dread going to school, my friends and family bore me and I pretty much find sleep as the most exciting thing. I’m not here to say I have screwed up parents or that I’m ugly. Honestly, I have a great family and I think I’m very beautiful. I’m here in curiosity. I want to know if anyone wants to end their life just…. Because? I think what […]
I was drinking tonight. And for the first time I really felt emboldened to just… take an action I can’t mention here. I really wanted to do it. But I realize it probably won’t give me the result I want. I’ll probably get really sick and then regret doing it because I’ll be in severe pain with horrific stomach cramps, or maybe scary seizures and frightening rapid heartbeat. Or maybe I’ll suffer brain damage and then be a vegetable, wonderful. I’ll then hate my life even more, but maybe then I’d have an excuse not to have to do anything (like go to work, which […]
I once had a great life and now I feel like I’m living another persons life. I am lost and so want to regain some of the life I once had. I had a good high paying job, great children, fantastic family. Not a lot to complain about. Then I had a problem with my back and then multiple surgeries, 9 to be exact. Then a brutal assault after a back surgery. After the assault the merry go round of depression started and has been a spiral down turn ever since. Most days start with not wanting to be here, then all the […]
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